Kids moving back home

katiewhompus

I was watching RHODC and one of the ladies said "There is no way my daughter is ever moving back in once she moves out" when the other one allowed her 23 year daughter to move back in after breaking up with her bf (who she was living with) and quitting a job that made her miserable.

I know that if something happened and I needed to move back in with my parents they would welcome me with open arms, even at 26. It would be an adjustment for all of us and I would only be there until I got my feet back under me, but they would let me. Scott's family are also very welcoming and when we were going through the house crap offered their guest room if we needed to live there for a few months.

What say you? Once they are 18 and have a job they are out, or family is always welcome as long as they aren't being mooching douches?

(Might be a post an drun, but I'll be back later if it is )

Anysunrise

Well, I'll put it this way. FI moved back in for about a year after being on his own for 12. He had just broken up with his insane girlfriend of 5 years, and the majority of the reason he moved in was because she stalked him for about a year and he just needed to get away. He wasn't in a great place. He needed the support, and once he had everything worked out, he moved back out. 

My ex, is 25 and has never left home. He barely works because he insists that he's a bartender and refuses to do anything else, despite the fact that he has almost no experience and thus doesn't get hired. His parents pay for everything, and still hasn't made any move towards getting out. 

I think FI's situation was totally understandable, and I would have no problem with my kids doing that. If they're going to mooch like my ex, you bet your ass I'd have kicked him out ages ago and told him to suck it up.

SarahPLiz

My dad would have no problem at all, because he knows I wouldn't be there forever. He and I both know that it take a LOT for me to ask for help, so if I did, then I meant it and I already felt guilty about it.  

My mom and step dad would charge me rent and make my life miserable, but that's not because they don't want me there, they just don't like me and that's how they roll. I don't deal with their passive aggressive grudge-holding, very judgemental lifestyle. I lived with them one summer in college and I just can't stand to be there more than 2 days at a time now. 

I think it should depend on the circumstances. If the child is just mooching off the parents and continue to make poor judgements that lead to them needing a place back home, without remorse, then I'd be that parent that says no, you must stand on your own 2 feet. If it was some situation such as divorce, death of a spouse, catastrophic weather event, illness, etc, then I'd be sympathetic while still trying to help my child get back out there on their own. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I never, ever want to move back home.  But it's comforting to know that if a horribly crappy situation arises, they have my back, and that if I needed to, I could move back.

I'd let my kids move back if they needed to.

kd.joseph

Been there, done that. After I left my first husband I moved in with my Mom. It was for about a year. But once I was out again, I was never going back. Although my sister who is 48 has lived with mother all her life.
She will never be moved until something happens to my mother.

katiewhompus

I think it goes both ways too. When H's dad died his mom moved in with him in Maine, then they both moved in with Sil about 6 months later (H couldn't support his mom on his job alone). She still lives with sil and will until the end.

[Deleted User]

My mom and stepdad would let me move back home if I needed to, provided it was not forever and that I paid rent. ut they would always have my back if something were to happen and I needed to come home. My dad would give me money, but not a place to stay.

I would let my kid come back home, but he/she would have to have a job and put money towards bills/groceries. It wouldn't be a free ride, and it wouldn't be forever.

laceface89

I lived with my mom until I was 19 and moved across country to live with FI. While I lived with mom, I worked more then anyone, and paid rent +food. It drove me crazy. I was very much of the opinion that if I was paying to live there, she no longer had the right to treat me like one of the kids- especially since I lived full time. I still did everything, but it did irk me. I would never move back!

If I needed to move back though, she would definitely let me, happily. As would my father, or grandmother. But I would never do it.

I think I would be the same for when I have kids. They can move back, but I want rent, or they are going right back to chores and what not.  I would not however, let them use my house as an escape from being an adult.

vegasgroom

I'm sure my parents would have taken me back in if needed, not that they'd want to lol.  I'd be the same way, I expect/hope the kid or kids I have some day will go off to college at 18 and will never live at home again, but I'd let them come back if necessary because they're done with college and can't find work, etc., as long as they were trying.  I would not allow a bum to move back in though so hopefully my kids wont be.

topcatiom

my daughter is soon to be 17, she says she wants to move out but then throws her arms around me and says she can't leave yet (obviously, is what I'm thinking but i dont say it) i would welcome her back with open arms anyday anyway, she's my baby after all

JenGin74

I'm 36 and have lived on my own since I was 17. There's no way in hell I'd be able to move back home. They'd let me, I just wouldn't want to.

As far as future children, they would always be welcome but as adult children I would expect them to pay at least a little rent

K Byte

Up until when I got married, my parents said that I could always come back and live with them if times got tough. In late 2008 my old job announced that there "might" be job cuts (there WERE job cuts in the form of everyone getting laid off but that didn't happen until about a year and a half later, but that's another story) and my parents said that if I lost my job I could move back in with them. Now that I'm married I don't think they would want us around. I think if we really needed it they would loan us some money but I don't think moving back in is an option now.

jamiefour

If I needed to move back home my parents would have no problem.  FI parents would also have no problems with us moving in if we need too.  If I had adult children and they needed to move back in, I would welcome them.

Nebb

Im doing it, right now. We moved in after the wedding so that we could focus on paying off debt and save up for a house. My mom converted the basement into an apartment for herself (her choice) and gave us the rest of the house and it works wonderfully. We contribute to bills and buy all of the food and do things around the house shes just not capable of doing anymore. It just works for us.

JennaV26

I think there's a major difference between moving back home because you've hit some serious hard times and are struggling finding a job than situtations like with Mary's daughter who just up and quit her job because she didn't like it.

Too bad. There are millions of people who work at jobs they hate every single day because they have bills to pay. Did I like my last job? Not particularly but I stayed because no one else was going to pay my rent. I know my parents would let DH and I move in with them if we really needed to but they wouldn't let us sit around all day, cruise around in their cars and generally mooch off them without making a real effort to better our situations and that is pretty much what Mary's daughter is going.

Some of the reasons listed above are good examples of how moving back in with your parents is beneficial to bettering their lives but I  can't stand when people let their kids slack off without making them do something to fix their situation on their own.

eshaufle

If I needed to move back home for a period of time, for whatever the reason, my parents I'm sure would have no problem with it.  I moved to Chicago immediately after graduation because of my job but I always kind of envied people who had parents close by so that they could live with them for a year to save up some money for a limited period of time.  It's amazing how quickly it adds up in just a year while working and living at home.

I would give the same consideration to my own kids.  As long as they were still being productive:  working, job searching, in school, etc. 

cupcakesfrosting

 My dad still tells me I can always go home if something goes wrong and I need a place to stay. I've lived on my own about 4 years now, and don't ever plan on going back.

Lenore2010

Me and my sister both moved back in with mom for different reasons at different times in our 20's. Mind you, we never lived for free after we graduated high school. I paid rent to my mom and bought my own groceries even for the two years I lived with her when I moved back in. The thing was, when I decided to do law school there was no way that work+loans was going to cover all my expenses if I was paying (then) $625.00 in rent. So, I moved into Mom's 2 bedroom condo and paid her $200.00 a month association fee. Actually, she said the years my sister and I did that (at different times) gave her about 10K to put into retirement funds she would not have had otherwise. So, it was a win-win financially for all parties concerned.

I do not see a problem as long as an adult kid is not a mooch. I have an attorney friend who lived with her mom until she married at 38. Unconventional, and  would not do it but she was carrying her weight the whole time.

All that being said, though it IS really disturbing to me when I see free-riders living with the parents. Do these parents think they are doing their kids any favors? Enabling dependency and laziness is not a good thing. 

NatesGirl16

During college, I lived on campus, which was covered by my scholarship and I also worked to pay for clothes, food, cell phone, etc.  During student teaching, we weren't allowed to live on campus, but it was a full time job without pay, so I moved back in.  That was right after my parents got divorced and it helped my mom financially and emotionally. 

Once I started working, I paid rent and helped with other bills, which helped my mom out.  In a way, I felt guilty moving out, because I felt like she depended on me and liked having someone else in the house, but I just needed my own space.  But I know I (or even FI, too) could always go back if we needed to.  We would be expected to contribute and follow "house rules" (like no drugs, nothing like a curfew or anything), but we'd still have a place to live. 

kimmieniesink

Lenore, my BIL to be is totally like this. He is 26, has lived at home his whole life, has a permanent full time job that he has had since he finished university making like 50-60K a year, and has NO intention of leaving! Why you ask? Because his dad does all his laundry and his mom will cook and clean up after him all the time. They totally enable him to be lazy, he doesn't contribute to the household through rent or grocery money.
My FI and I have lived with his parents right after we graduated for a while, at their instance, but we would purchase all the groceries and I would clean the house daily (2 dogs = lots of hair) as well as cook meals for everyone (BIL would cook for himself only). Now since I have found permanent work, we are leaving and moving into our own house.
I would be fine with my adult kids moving back home, both of my sisters did this, one with her H and the other on her own. The one and her H were working on getting jobs across the country and didn't see the point in leasing an apartment for a few months, and the other's husband was transferred for work, but she had just started a new job in our hometown, so she lives with our parents a few days a week then goes to her and her H's new home.

loop0406

I think the RHODC is a different story, their children don't have hard times, they are spoiled kids who know mommy dearest will pay for everything. Remember Laurie's daugher (RHOC) that mooched off her mom as much as she could ?  Perfect Example.

I'm 28, financially stable but I don't plan to move out until I get married. My parents are both traditional (plus mexican) which means noone leaves unless they're married - both male or female. I do my own laundry and take care of my own things though. It's just a respect thing in my situation.