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Snarky Brides
fast approaching
less than a month
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Re: fast approaching
They are happy. They have every right to celebrate their anniversary as you do your wedding. Be happy for them. Be happy they aren't going to be there looking over every gift and getting all up in your business about what their friends got you. Be happy that there is yet another reason to celebrate with an after party following your wedding.
And please - let the money thing go. No one is responsible for paying for you wedding except you and your fiance.
[QUOTE]Hi all, This is my first post and I'm in desperate need of direction. My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we had a huge blow-up over the weekend. His parents' 25th wedding anniversary is three days before the wedding which is so fantastic and exciting. However, they've decided to take a trip to celebrate and they will be leaving before we open gifts the day after the wedding. They will then be gone longer than our honeymoon. This has bothered me for awhile but I hit a breaking point this weekend. I understand this is also a very special time for them and want them to celebrate this wonderful milestone but I also feel hurt that they are leaving the day after the wedding. And the amount they talk about it makes me feel their primary focus is their vacation while the wedding is just an item on the to-do list. There are other frustrations involved including their lack of contribution to the wedding but my primary frustration is the way they are almost shifting the focus of the wedding to be about their anniversary. They are even throwing a party in their hotel room after the reception with their friends. It hurts and my fiance isn't being as supportive as I was hoping he would be.... Please, <strong>am I being crazy?</strong>? Do i have a right to be frustrated?? I hope you are all having a lovely Monday! Megan
Posted by megpfad36[/QUOTE]<div>A little.</div><div>Watching you guys open your gifts isn't that big of a deal. I'm sure they'll see your stuff when they get back, or you guys can fill them in on what you got. 25 years of marriage is a big deal, they should be excited and want to celebrate it. </div><div>
</div><div>Who cares if they celebrate in their room after the reception? When the reception was over, the only thing I cared about was having some alone time with my H in our hotel room. Lots of our friends met up at different places and did things after the reception was over. Hell I'm pretty sure my parents hung out with some of their friends that came in town for the wedding.
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I kinda think you need to let this go. It is a LITTLE obnoxious that they would throw a party for themselves after your wedding reception, but that's their thing. You also gotta let the money stuff go. They are under no obligation to pay for anything at your wedding and if they want to spend their money on a trip, that's their prerogative.
OK - you may be acknowledging that their Silver Anniversary is special but my answer is yes, you are being a little crazy.
You guys are STARTING out your new lives together, it is very important and a milestone.
They are celebrating the ACCOMPLISHMENT of a successful marriage. That is no less important than your wedding.
You are being selfish to expect them to hold off their plans to watch you open gifts. You are also being selfish to want them to talk less about something they have looked forward to and worked hard to accomplish.
YOU chose to get married within 3 days of their Silver Anniversary so you need to back down here. They should not have to tone down their celebration or anticipation/feelings about this because you chose to have your wedding on top of their anniversary.
Their anniversary is every bit as important and deserves as much attention as your wedding does. Get excited for them and wish them well.
As far as their lack of contribution - it is not their responsibility to pay for anything for your wedding. Many parents do offer, but the responsibility lies with the couple.
Step back, take a breath, and let this go. You are truly underestimating what they have accomplished.
Also, you chose this wedding date, right? I mean, it's not a secret that it was their anniversary and, with it being a big milestone, common sense might suggest that they would want to do somethign to celebrate. Your wedding isn't the primary focus of everyone's life.
Miss || Mrs. || Hawaiian Honeymoon and Reviews!
As for the after-party- lots of people do that after weddings. What do you care? You should be off celebrating your wedding night. This is NORMAL.
And honestly- you are being a brat. Just because you chose a wedding date around THEIR anniversary doesn't mean your wedding eclipses that. They were married first- their anniversary date cannot be coming as a surprise to you.
And lastly- who cares if their trip is longer. They've been married longer. They are older and likley more established. Someday you can take super long trips too.
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[QUOTE]Why do they need to be there to watch you open gifts? I kinda think you need to let this go. <strong>It is a LITTLE obnoxious that they would throw a party for themselves after your wedding reception, but that's their thing.</strong> You also gotta let the money stuff go. They are under no obligation to pay for anything at your wedding and if they want to spend their money on a trip, that's their prerogative.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
<div>100% agree. I think it is kinda weird that they would do that, but then again, not really. People threw an after party or two after our reception and that was great. They should be able to celebrate as well.</div><div>
</div><div>Additionally, my parents 40th also fell a few months before our wedding. I still feel bad that they didn't do much for it because our wedding was close to it. </div>
[QUOTE]Don't get me wrong. I am so happy for them and want them to celebrate, it was simply the way it was handled over the weekend. <strong><u>And the issue with the money is more dealing with the fact that they have been bragging every chance they can that they are paying for the whole thing which hurts my feelings because it is my parents are footing the bill and i know they would be a hurt if they knew this type of thing were happening.</u></strong> I understand there maybe a lot of selfish brides out there and I really am not that way, and appreciate the emotional support much more than the monetary support. I simply wanted to find some direction on where i should go with my feelings because i am confused. i greatly appreciate all your input and hope you don't think i'm trying to downplay their anniversary for our wedding.
Posted by megpfad36[/QUOTE]
Ok- it's their money! Are you basically saying they should have scrapped their anniversary and paid that money in to your wedding? And you should be VERY thankful you have ANYONE footing the bill. It is YOUR wedding, not your parents or in-laws. It's 2012 honey- parents can't/don't always pay. A lot of couples pay their own weddings.
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[QUOTE]I am sorry- wtf am I missing here? Why would they even be there when you open gifts? What does that have to do with ANYTHING? As for the after-party- lots of people do that after weddings. What do you care? You should be off celebrating your wedding night. This is NORMAL. And honestly- you are being a brat. Just because you chose a wedding date around THEIR anniversary doesn't mean your wedding eclipses that. They were married first- their anniversary date cannot be coming as a surprise to you. And lastly- who cares if their trip is longer. They've been married longer. They are older and likley more established. Someday you can take super long trips too.
Posted by Starmusica[/QUOTE]
Pretty much everything that is said here.
[QUOTE]Don't get me wrong. I am so happy for them and want them to celebrate, it was simply the way it was handled over the weekend. And the issue with the money is more dealing with the fact that they have been bragging every chance they can that they are paying for the whole thing which hurts my feelings because it is my parents are footing the bill and i know they would be a hurt if they knew this type of thing were happening. I understand there maybe a lot of selfish brides out there and I really am not that way, and appreciate the emotional support much more than the monetary support. I simply wanted to find some direction on where i should go with my feelings because i am confused. i greatly appreciate all your input and hope you don't think i'm trying to downplay their anniversary for our wedding.
Posted by megpfad36[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>So they are actually lying to people about contributing to the wedding?
</div>
Take a deep breath, and focus on what is really important.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groom's parents... : So they are actually lying to people about contributing to the wedding?
Posted by KateJ10[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]Hi all, This is my first post and I'm in desperate need of direction. My fiance and I are getting married in less than a month and we had a huge blow-up over the weekend. His parents' 25th wedding anniversary is three days before the wedding which is so fantastic and exciting. However, they've decided to take a trip to celebrate and they will be leaving before we open gifts the day after the wedding. They will then be gone longer than our honeymoon. This has bothered me for awhile but I hit a breaking point this weekend. I understand this is also a very special time for them and want them to celebrate this wonderful milestone but I also feel hurt that they are leaving the day after the wedding. And the amount they talk about it makes me feel their primary focus is their vacation while the wedding is just an item on the to-do list. There are other frustrations involved including their lack of contribution to the wedding but my primary frustration is the way they are almost shifting the focus of the wedding to be about their anniversary. They are even throwing a party in their hotel room after the reception with their friends. It hurts and my fiance isn't being as supportive as I was hoping he would be.... Please, am I being crazy?? Do i have a right to be frustrated?? I hope you are all having a lovely Monday! Megan
Posted by megpfad36[/QUOTE]
I think you're being unreasonable. Your FILs aren't missing your wedding because of their anniversary. They aren't being un-supportive because they are going to leave you alone the day after your wedding (why do you even need to open gifts that day anyway? why do people need to watch you open wedding gifts?). And your jealousy over their trip being longer than your honeymoon and your entitlement issues with their "lack of contribution" doesn't have anything to do with anything.
(ETA: I posted this before I read your clarification on their comments about who is paying)
Your wedding IS an item on their to-do list. Sure, it probably ranks higher than "empty the dishwasher", but it's your wedding that is important, not the day/week after.
If it's the latter, who cares. If it's the former, then they're being really rude, but that doesn't have anything to do with their anniversary.
I think you just need to take a deep breath and enjoy your wedding. I think you have a lot of frustrations that are coloring your perception of things. It's okay - just remember what is most important to you - your wedding/marriage.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groom's parents... : Yes....
Posted by megpfad36[/QUOTE]
For real, let them lie. It only makes them look like assholes. But YOU look like an asshole if you're going to sit back and pout about it. Just let it go.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groom's parents... : Yes....
Posted by megpfad36[/QUOTE]
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</div><div>Well that would seriously annoy me, but what can you do? If you say something it probably would make you look like a nitpicky jerk. </div>
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groom's parents... : Ok- it's their money! Are you basically saying they should have scrapped their anniversary and paid that money in to your wedding? And you should be VERY thankful you have ANYONE footing the bill. It is YOUR wedding, not your parents or in-laws. It's 2012 honey- parents can't/don't always pay. A lot of couples pay their own weddings.
Posted by Starmusica[/QUOTE]
Pretty sure she's mad because they're bogarting payment for the wedding when HER parents are actually the ones pay. And I'd be ripshit pissed too.
OP - chill out. Opening your presents is not a big deal to be missed. And I don't know why it matters how long they're going to be gone. Just let it go.
Miss || Mrs. || Hawaiian Honeymoon and Reviews!
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groom's parents... : Pretty sure she's mad because they're bogarting payment for the wedding when HER parents are actually the ones pay. And I'd be ripshit pissed too. OP - chill out. Opening your presents is not a big deal to be missed. And I don't know why it matters how long they're going to be gone. Just let it go.
Posted by NuggetBrain[/QUOTE]
I just read that clarification. I thought OP was complaining that they were paying for their trip. Obviously the real version makes more sense.
OP- That is shitty but what can you do? Nothing. If anyone should be asking them politely to get the crap- it's your fiance.
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As for the party, again, who cares? It's after your reception ends so why can't they have their celebration? My family had a big party with everyone at the hotel after our wedding and since we weren't staying there, we didn't go. I'm glad everyone was able to hang out all night long and have fun.
[QUOTE]It's okay Meg. It's easy for a lot of us to say "fucking calm down" because many of us are way past our own weddings, but it can be easy to stress about stuff that really doesn't matter. I think you will find once you get to your wedding day that a lot of the stuff you were freaking out about is no big deal. Sure, there is a lot of planning that goes into it, but it is one day. A very special day, of course, but one day. Everyone is excited for you but no one will be, or should be as excited for your wedding as you and your FI. Your FIL's have their own lives to live and that's why it seems like their number one priority: because it IS. You will be much happier once you just let this all go and focus on yourselves, I promise :) You shouldn't let little things bother you. Getting married is an exciting time in your life and you should enjoy it, and not sweat the small things.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
you are so sweet AATB- and completely right. OP- everything she says here is absolutely correct. Relax and enjoy it and realize that no one will enjoy it as much as you and that's NORMAL.
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If it doesn't bother your FI that they won't be there, don't let it bother you.
[QUOTE]My fiance hasn't really said much on his feelings, but like I said, it's a non-issue at this point since there isn't anything to be said or done. it's just an annoyance. To those of you who simply thought I was concerned about them watching us open gifts, it wasn't that. It's a tradition in both our families to have a large lunch and family gathering time the day after the wedding and something my sister has worked very hard to arrange and it was more that they will be missing that which was the frustration. My only wish in this whole thing is that they could leave Monday instead but since that can't happen, we will deal. And it wasn't the length of the trip so much as they were originally going to be the ones driving us to the airport and picking us up when we returned so i was sad they would no longer be able to because i was looking forward to it. but again, i'll deal. But, i agree, like everyone has said it's a big milestone and they have a right to it. I just know the day of the wedding will be such a whirlwind that i was looking forward to spending the following day with those closest to us. Because I get it's only one day and in the grand scheme of things all the silly little things won't matter in 50 years but family will and i want to cherish those memories.
Posted by megpfad36[/QUOTE]
After all this clarification, I would be a bit upset too. It's supposed to be YOUR day and naturally, you want the attention on you and your FI you probably feel like you're being over shadowed by your FI's parents. I get that, I do. It sucks, especially when FI's parents will be missing out on family traditions, like the gift opening.
But like PP have said (and you yourself have said), you chose the wedding date knowing it was close to their anniversary and that's just something you'll have to deal with. All you can do is make the most of it and enjoy the memories you will be making with your family and FI... that's what really matters!