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Snarky Brides
klsnyder84
member
Uninvited!?!
So my FI's step brother is getting married July 17th. FI received the STD in the mail and we did plan on attending. We told the bride and groom we were excited. We moved about two weeks ago and never received a invite. So I assumed it was late and would just wait for them to call like you are suppose to. FI made plans with his Mom for a place to stay and so on last night. We get this message via facebook this morning.
Hey guys,
I got a text from Karen earlier today saying you guys were now coming to the wedding. Unfortunately, we turned in our final head count this past Monday and cannot accept anymore guests. Our invites asked for RSVP’s by June 19th, and this was because our count was due the 21st. We tried to make it as close to the date as possible for our guests convenience. When people did not RSVP on the 19th we had room for more guests so we actually made VERY QUICK invites to some of my cousins from Ohio to take their place and they accepted those invites via email or phone prior to the deadline as well. We have already had to turn down a few other guests this week as a result of late RSVP’s. IN order to add them we would have to pay an increased rate. At the beginning of this process Crystal and I made the difficult decision to say that anything after the 19th could not be accepted because of the tight budget and limited seating. We really hope you guys understand, and that we do not upset you too much. We simply cannot afford to pay the increased rate for anybody at this point. However if we have ANY cancellations, you guys will be the 1st to be notified. Again I apologize for having to do this, but we have already turned in our final count for everything from food to linens to chairs and tables. Hopefully something will work out soon. Take care guys and we hope to see you soon!
.....Really no call? I feel sorry for the other people who didn't get their invites. Does this mean we are suppose to still send a gift?
Hey guys,
I got a text from Karen earlier today saying you guys were now coming to the wedding. Unfortunately, we turned in our final head count this past Monday and cannot accept anymore guests. Our invites asked for RSVP’s by June 19th, and this was because our count was due the 21st. We tried to make it as close to the date as possible for our guests convenience. When people did not RSVP on the 19th we had room for more guests so we actually made VERY QUICK invites to some of my cousins from Ohio to take their place and they accepted those invites via email or phone prior to the deadline as well. We have already had to turn down a few other guests this week as a result of late RSVP’s. IN order to add them we would have to pay an increased rate. At the beginning of this process Crystal and I made the difficult decision to say that anything after the 19th could not be accepted because of the tight budget and limited seating. We really hope you guys understand, and that we do not upset you too much. We simply cannot afford to pay the increased rate for anybody at this point. However if we have ANY cancellations, you guys will be the 1st to be notified. Again I apologize for having to do this, but we have already turned in our final count for everything from food to linens to chairs and tables. Hopefully something will work out soon. Take care guys and we hope to see you soon!
.....Really no call? I feel sorry for the other people who didn't get their invites. Does this mean we are suppose to still send a gift?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Uninvited!?!
Bio
So, it sounds from the message that your invite got lost in the mail and they didn't bother to call you when you didn't RSVP, right? Did they know you moved? I wouldn't send a gift. I think it was pretty shitty of them not to call you and just move ahead with their B list.
[QUOTE]Maybe they did send an invite, but you didn't get it because of the move. <strong>Personally, I would have called them to let them know that you didn't get it, since you did get a STD and knew things would be hectic with the move.</strong> What they did is tacky, though. They should have at least called you. I wouldn't send a gift.
Posted by sarahmk5[/QUOTE]
I agree with this as well.
I would write him back and say "While I understand that money is an issue and we will respect your decisions, you have to remember that the mail system is imperfect. We did not even receive an invitation in the mail so how could we have RSVPed on time? We have already made travel plans as well. Next time, you should call those who should have received invitations to follow up before sending out other invitations. I hope you have a nice wedding."
I'd lay on the guilt nice and thick because I think he deserves to know just how crappy he is.
With the move and planning our wedding, we just spaced calling when the invited didn't show up. Honestly I didn't realize until I checked my planner this weekend that wedding is 3 weeks away.
I will never understand that. I mean, I know that RSVPs are a pain in the ass to track down, but if STDs were sent, there's a really good chance that your OOT guests have already made travel arrangements by the time they get their invites. If you were going to half ass it, why would you not at least be sure to call our OOT guests? That's just irresponsible, IMO. It almost sounds like they were planning a B list the whole time in hopes of being able to pull the trigger.
[QUOTE]Oh man... that's awful. I'm so sorry. I would write him back and say "While I understand that money is an issue and we will respect your decisions, you have to remember that the mail system is imperfect. We did not even receive an invitation in the mail so how could we have RSVPed on time? We have already made travel plans as well. Next time, you should call those who should have received invitations to follow up before sending out other invitations. I hope you have a nice wedding." I'd lay on the guilt nice and thick because I think he deserves to know just how crappy he is.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]
I absolutely agree with this 150%. They both deserve to feel awful for what they did. That's absolutely ridiculous. I'm sure they're hoping you'll just smile and nod, but I wouldn't.
That makes me really annoyed for you.
What assholes.
Our Story MAJORLY UPDATED 8/6/09
Wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?
[QUOTE]Cew- They do know we moved and we even got all our mail forwarded. With the move and planning our wedding, we just spaced calling when the invited didn't show up. Honestly I didn't realize until I checked my planner this weekend that wedding is 3 weeks away.
Posted by klsnyder84[/QUOTE]
It's their responsibility to follow up when they do not get RSVPs. I think it would have been a nice gesture for you to call ahead of the game (it would have removed some of the burden from the bride) but she was never planning to call and follow up anyway. She obviously wanted others there more than she wanted you guys, unfortunately. It's completely not your fault or your responsibility. It's also possible that they never even <strong>sent</strong> an invite, making what they did all the more tackier.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Uninvited!?! : It's their responsibility to follow up when they do not get RSVPs. I think it would have been a nice gesture for you to call ahead of the game (it would have removed some of the burden from the bride) but she was never planning to call and follow up anyway. She obviously wanted others there more than she wanted you guys, unfortunately. It's completely not your fault or your responsibility. It's also possible that they never even sent an invite, making what they did all the <strong>more tackier</strong>.
Posted by shannonalise[/QUOTE]
<u>Yikes</u>. "...all the more tacky." That's what I meant. I need my first cup of coffee.
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Uninvited!?! : Yikes . "...all the more tacky." That's what I meant. I need my first cup of coffee.
Posted by shannonalise[/QUOTE]
Actually, I think this situation deserves to be called more tackier. It may even be most tackiest. ;)
Our Story MAJORLY UPDATED 8/6/09
Wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Uninvited!?! : Actually, I think this situation deserves to be called more tackier. It may even be most tackiest. ;)
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]
I've thought about it some more and you're right. Mostest tackierest is probably the mostest accuratest.
(maybe someone has a more condensed version but you get the gist - cover getting STD, not getting invite, trying to RSVP to find out they didnt' call those they didn't get RSVP's from but instead invited additonal guests...)
Yeah, i could be that low.
I agree that a reply is in order along the lines of Joy's. Something about how you never received the invite and understand that with all the wedding chaos, it must have slipped their minds to actually make a phone call to you. But I'm not the most polite of people when someone treats me like that.
All I can say is WTF? First off, that is an EARLY RSVP date. I'm geting married on the 10th and my RSVP date was yesterday. Second, they are absolute turds to "punish" guests for not sending their RSVPs on time. Also, it is a freaking stepbrother, not some distant third cousin. You have to just assume that immediate family (and I include steps) would want to be included in the weddings. These people sound like bastard people.
"Dear Step-Brother,
We're so excited to see you at the wedding! I can't believe you would have thought we'd miss the wedding for the world, but you're FI"s step-brother, so of course you'll be there.
We did receive the STD and made you aware at that time that we would be attending. Between our early RSVP and the commonly known facts that you don't invite more guests than you have space for and follow up on all missing RSVPs, we know that we are already in your head count so a missing RSVP is a non-issue in this case.
Looking forward to seeing you on the 17th while we're in town!
klsnyder and your loving borther, klsnyderFI."
Planning/Married Biology
I'm with Joy. I'd write them back laying on a huge guilt trip. And since we're talking about the step child of a parent, I'd make it clear to my parent how crappy his spouse's child is.
[QUOTE]Honestly, since you've made arrangements to go - I would go and I would attend the wedding. When people say "see you at the reception", which other guests may, I'd say well no... we won't be there because while we got the STD, we didn't get the invitation and when we tried to RSVP, we were told we were too late. Sure wish they'd called those they sent invitations to but hadn't RSVP'd before they invited additional quests so we coudl have atteded the reception too - hope you have a great time, you'll have to tell us all about it. (maybe someone has a more condensed version but you get the gist - cover getting STD, not getting invite, trying to RSVP to find out they didnt' call those they didn't get RSVP's from but instead invited additonal guests...) Yeah, i could be that low.
Posted by skippylouwho[/QUOTE]
I absolutely love this idea!!! you wouldn't be costing them more money by attending the reception, but could still be there, if you do still want to be, after the BS they pulled.
I agree with everyone, that what they did was really mean. I would hope they did send an invite, but it got lost somewhere, but I tend to give people the benfit of the doubt. I would go, especially if it isn't that financially expensive for you & FI (with travel & all), just to say hi!
:-)
House / Baby blog
Call & say:
"I'm so sorry, but I assumed you knew we moved. We got the STD, but not the invite even though we forwarded our mail. We tried to let you know we were coming, but as your RSVP date was earlier than expected we missed it. We are planning on attending the ceremony & we will tell the family that we can't attend the reception b/c of the missing invite".
or not go/ call & then don't send a gift.
Planning Bio
Married 9/15/11
*This is Not Legal Advice*
[QUOTE] I would call them & lay on the guilt. The nerve. I can't believe they didn't even call about the misunderstanding, they FB. Call & say: <strong> "I'm so sorry, but I assumed you knew we moved. We got the STD, but not the invite even though we forwarded our mail. We tried to let you know we were coming, but as your RSVP date was earlier than expected we missed it. We are planning on attending the ceremony & we will tell the family that we can't attend the reception b/c of the missing invite".</strong> or not go/ call & then don't send a gift.
Posted by redheadfsu[/QUOTE]
Also add "Since we have already booked and paid for our travel and accomodations, we will be at the ceremony but will explain to the family why we are not allowed to the reception."
House / Baby blog
Still, it is weird they didn't call. If they sent the invite to the wrong address by accident, then never called when you didn't RSVP, they should most certainly pay the extra amount without even telling you about the error/extra money.
You should say:
"Hi! Thanks for your... interesting response. I was under the impression than an invitation was an invitation with no stipulations attached. FYI, my invitation was lost in the mail, so I didn't even know the correct RSVP date. Sorry you suck at budgeting and can't afford all the people you invited in the first place. I'm also sorry you're rude enough to have a B-list. But now your friends and cousin's know they were second class guests, so I hope that works out for you. In addition I hope you don't have any no shows, like almost all weddings, because I guess you will have wasted all that money.
Don't bother letting me know if a space opens up, I won't be giving you a gift anyway.
GOOD DAY."
I'd be SO tempted to show up anyway.
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