Do I have a right to be upset/stressed?

glennona79

So one of my Bridesmaids is buying a new home this summer with her husband.  They are selling  their town house on July 8th, moving in with her mom for a few weeks and closing on their new house on July 30th.  The problem, I am getting married THAT DAY!

I am worried because I know closings can take a long time, hours sometimes, they are stressful and because the house she is closing in is an hour away from my venue.  I told her that she needs to be at the venue by 3pm, hair and make up done, because we are doing pictures before the ceremony.  She said she would leave the closing by 130 at the latest - which means she essentialy has 30 minutes to get her hair and make up done.  I have asked her to change the closing date - she says she can not and will not give me a good reason other than "the sellers arent being cooperative".

She is a sweet girl but pretty flakey and almost always late.
Am I being unreasonable in being completely stressed out and not trusting that she will actually be able to make it on time??

Labrnr

Can she have her hair and make up done before the closing, then once she got there all she would have to do is get dressed?

I would be a little stressed, but if she doesn't make it, she will look like the jack ass.

Don't worry about something you can't change.

barbbhoww

If she said she is going to be there, she is going to be there.  If she is that flakey, she would have missed it either way.

loritajean

I'd be a little annoyed as well to be honest! but if you already voiced your concerns, there's nothing else you can do. With bridesmaids, I've just had to learn that it's never going to be as important to them as it is to me, but that's ok sometimes.

Would the ceremony be ok if she didn't show up on time? if so, I wouldn't worry about it. Her problem, not yours.

GreenPepperBurger

If she is that flaky and unreliable, then why on earth would you ask her to be in your BP? She might be a good friend/relative or whatever, but I wouldn't want to pick people who I know would stress me out.

ETA: I meant flaky and unreliable as the OP pointed out was her nature, not flaky by choosing to close on a house on the same date. That's not her fault.

MeaghanandMichael

She totally did this on purpose. Biitch.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_right-upsetstressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5258f276-8923-4b35-8ad8-7e68f27128adPost:da42449e-eed6-452a-a02f-65e0703e7b04">Do I have a right to be upset/stressed?</a>:
[QUOTE]So one of my Bridesmaids is buying a new home this summer with her husband.  They are selling  their town house on July 8th, moving in with her mom for a few weeks and closing on their new house on July 30th.  The problem, I am getting married THAT DAY! I am worried because I know closings can take a long time, hours sometimes, they are stressful and because the house she is closing in is an hour away from my venue.  I told her that she needs to be at the venue by 3pm, hair and make up done, because we are doing pictures before the ceremony.  She said she would leave the closing by 130 at the latest - which means she essentialy has 30 minutes to get her hair and make up done.  I have asked her to change the closing date - she says she can not and will not give me a good reason other than "the sellers arent being cooperative". She is a sweet girl but pretty flakey and almost always late. Am I being unreasonable in being completely stressed out and not trusting that she will actually be able to make it on time??
Posted by glennona79[/QUOTE]

Umm.  Have you tried buying a house?  You usually don't get to choose your date.  They tell you when and where you have to be, and you show up.  If you can't make it that day, then you run the risk of losing the deal entirely.

If she doesn't make it for pictures, then she doesn't make it.  If you're that concerned, make sure that you get a few shots with her after the ceremony or during the reception.  In the grand scheme of life, this is not a big deal.

She's living her life.  Sometimes, her life doesn't get the memo that you're trying to live yours.  Figure out how to make it work without allowing yourself to get butthurt about it.

gottahavashorti

If she's late, she's not in those pictures.

I can do my hair and makeup in 30 minutes and I suck at doing my hair.  She'll be fine.  The uncooperative sellers may be willing to close only on that day.

SarahPLiz

Closings take weeks to arrange and any change int hem means the title company has to produce all the paperwork over again. If your friend says she can get there, then she can get there.

FWIW, all three of my closings (2 buying, one selling) lasted less than an hour each. You just have to sign lots of papers. They make copies, and you are done.

What if she had her hair and makeup done before her closing? Maybe that's what she is planning to do. Heck, closings are so boring she might be able to do her makeup during (i jest).

Her wanting to become a homeowner and negotiating with a seller has nothing to do with you, and it doesn't make her flaky. My first house took me 6 months to buy, and I was on pins and needles the whole time, wondering when we would finally close. It was 2 days before Christmas, so I didn't go home for Christmas that year. My family was disappointed, but unlike you, they were also happy that I was a homeowner.

The world does not revolve around you. The faster you realize that, the easier your life will become.

[Deleted User]

I wouldn't be annoyed at all. I would be happy that my close friend was buying a house that I COULD THEN BURN DOWN BECAUSE SHE IS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO RUIN MY WEDDING AND MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tidetravel

ha!  Cew...

glennona79

Okay first of all drama queens, Im not saying she is trying to ruin my life or did this on purpose.  I am just saying that I am going to worry about it until she actually shows up on the day of the wedding.

To clarify, what I mean by "flakey" is that she is always running late and cancels plans at the last minute, sometimes even totally forgetting she made them.  I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids because I was in her wedding and we have been friends for more than half our lives.  I love her dearly, Im really excited and happy for her that she is buying a house, but I just really dont want to have to stress out about whether she is going to make it on time or not. 

Ive talked to her about my concerns, she promised me she will be on time, there really isnt much more I can do about it.  I have let it go with her at this point and I already know this.  But Im really just very stressed about it, and looking for a way to vent about it.   I just wish there was some way she could do it ANY other day, especially since they have had some time to set up the date on this.  Im not looking to ruin a friendship over this, its just another stressor in my life.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_right-upsetstressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5258f276-8923-4b35-8ad8-7e68f27128adPost:f07a20c1-83ad-461a-b7c4-78a73b82bdd6">Re: Do I have a right to be upset/stressed?</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay first of all drama queens, Im not saying she is trying to ruin my life or did this on purpose.  I am just saying that I am going to worry about it until she actually shows up on the day of the wedding. To clarify, what I mean by "flakey" is that she is always running late and cancels plans at the last minute, sometimes even totally forgetting she made them.  I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids because I was in her wedding and we have been friends for more than half our lives.  I love her dearly, Im really excited and happy for her that she is buying a house, but I just really dont want to have to stress out about whether she is going to make it on time or not.  I<strong>ve talked to her about my concerns, she promised me she will be on time, there really isnt much more I can do about it.  I have let it go with her at this point and I already know this.  But Im really just very stressed about it,</strong> and looking for a way to vent about it.   I just wish there was some way she could do it ANY other day, especially since they have had some time to set up the date on this.  Im not looking to ruin a friendship over this, its just another stressor in my life.
Posted by glennona79[/QUOTE]
As long as you understand that this stress is self-induced, because it's kinda sounding like you're trying to pin it on your friend.  You're friend's flakey.  Fine.  This particular situation is out of her control.  You cannot fault her for that.  If you know that she's flakey and she's "always late" then plan for her to be late again.  That way, you won't be disappointed.

Ask yourself, "what's the worst that can happen?"  She doesn't show up for pictures.  Big fucking deal.  If you're REALLY that worried about the pics, reschedule your day so that you can do WP pics after the ceremony and before the reception.  Maybe do a "first look" with your FI and do couple's shots before the wedding, to make up for the time that the WP will need to take pics.  

SarahPLiz

Um, re read your original post and then think about who was being the drama queen. You asked us if you were being unreasonable by being stressed, and we told you in no uncertain terms that you were being unreasonable.

You always have a "right" to feel the any way you feel, but learning how to manage your own expectations and not stress yourself out over stuff you can't control is part of growing up.

blondie82784

To be honest with you she may not even be closing that day.. Ive heard of a lot of people pushed back with closing... When I closed on my condo I was there for like 30 mins it was sooooo fast.... It is annoying but what can you really do... I just hope that everything works out for you... DONT LET THIS RUIN YOUR DAY!!

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_right-upsetstressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5258f276-8923-4b35-8ad8-7e68f27128adPost:f07a20c1-83ad-461a-b7c4-78a73b82bdd6">Re: Do I have a right to be upset/stressed?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Okay first of all drama queens</strong>, Im not saying she is trying to ruin my life or did this on purpose.  I am just saying that I am going to worry about it until she actually shows up on the day of the wedding. To clarify, what I mean by "flakey" is that she is always running late and cancels plans at the last minute, sometimes even totally forgetting she made them.  I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids because I was in her wedding and we have been friends for more than half our lives.  I love her dearly, Im really excited and happy for her that she is buying a house, but I just really dont want to have to stress out about whether she is going to make it on time or not.  Ive talked to her about my concerns, she promised me she will be on time, there really isnt much more I can do about it.  I have let it go with her at this point and I already know this.  But Im really just very stressed about it, and looking for a way to vent about it.   I just wish there was some way she could do it ANY other day, especially since they have had some time to set up the date on this.  Im not looking to ruin a friendship over this, its just another stressor in my life.
Posted by glennona79[/QUOTE]

I stopped reading right there because I now firmly believe that no matter what, you will act like a total douche in this situation.

Istremene

I have to agree with the others......it is not worth stressing yourself out over.  Either she will be there or she will be late.  You voiced your concerns to her and hopefully she won't let you down.  Good luck!

GreenPepperBurger

Only drama queens make posts asking "ZOMG SHOULD I BE STRESSED?!" Only you can make you stressed. Derf.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

No one can tell you if you have the right to be upset/stressed. If you are, you are. But like you said, you have no control over this situation, so work on letting it go.

Plus, 30 minutes is fine for hair and makeup. I'm under the impression that you aren't requiring it to be done professionally. If you are, you should make an exception.

rachel_elizabeth1124

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_right-upsetstressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5258f276-8923-4b35-8ad8-7e68f27128adPost:60627a7c-91e3-45a6-a586-42eb8312c3dc">Re: Do I have a right to be upset/stressed?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't be annoyed at all. I would be happy that my close friend was buying a house that I COULD THEN BURN DOWN BECAUSE SHE IS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO RUIN MY WEDDING AND MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS</div>

missy68

Drama queen, party of one, top of the page, please.

zippityb

This is what you get for being married on a regular business day.

Leslie&Ralph

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_right-upsetstressed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5258f276-8923-4b35-8ad8-7e68f27128adPost:a1e37b2e-1b6f-4ab1-a0eb-85e08443874c">Re: Do I have a right to be upset/stressed?</a>:
[QUOTE]This is what you get for being married on a regular business day.
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

Oh snap! lol

I agree with the others. It is what it is.....don't let it stress you more than it should. If she doesn't make it, eh, big deal. So there are more groomsmen than bridesmaids,  no  one will notice.

jennylove810

Homegirl - you post this on the snarky brides board and freak out over the response you got?

*snort*

Newb.

chuygrl77

Snarky Brides are gonna tell you their honest opinions...why don't you get that when you post something?  It is you stressing yourself out.  sorry you can't get over it.  Must suck to be you then. 

sam416

Um. If I were your friend and my husband and I had to move in with my mom for three weeks, I would have exhausted every resource I had to move my closing date to July 8th or sooner.

My guess is, she's probably tried to move the closing date, either to avoid living with her mom or to to avoid your reaction (I'm assuming since you've been friends for half your lives, she knows you well enough...). 

Be stressed if you want, but you're only hurting yourself. But I'm sure, if it wasn't this it'd be something else...

Meg1979

She's just a BM, right?  She's not the MOH?  I would just worry about you.  If she can't get to the church on time, then that's on her.  She's out the dress, the shoes, whatever. You can double up groomsmen and bridesmaids.  Take a picture with her afterwards.