Awesome things your mom has said

Nebb

Moms have a wonderful way of saying the worst thing in the nicest way. What are "awesome" things your mom has said to you.

When I was starting to lose weight, my mom told me that I looked good and it was a big improvement because before hand I looked like a barrel, and then she made the pregnant big belly hand motion.

kimheartsscott

My mom tends to do horrible things with her medical knowledge.  Everything is "well, it could be just a chest cold... or [some horrible condition that will kill you].  It's probably nothing though!"

Anysunrise

"Don't worry, the baby oil on the table was just for my ears."

Whenever we get Jahova's Witnesses at our door she'll invite them in and then have a theological debate with them. It was hilarious. When I say "whenever" I mean it happened once because they never came back.

RodeoRed

My mom is pretty unintentionally funny but one that sticks out for me is my freshmen year of college I was describing the tree that was outside my dorm room because I had never seen one like it before and she said "It sounds like a dogwood. Their flowers smell like sperm."

I had no idea how to respond to that statement.

COkristi

This is my MIL, but one night when H and his sister were complaining about dinner she got mad and said "Just try it, it might be your fuucking favorite!" She is the sweetest lady and you would NEVER expect that out of her. She claims she doesn't remember saying it, but H and I say it and laugh all the time.

RodeoRed

I thought of another one. We were talking about my ex boyfriend and she said "You didn't sleep with him did you?" and when I finally admitted that I had she said "Ewwwww". Thanks Mom, glad to know you approved.

COkristi

MIL also told the waiter at Red Lobster "I just love your little buns!" It was before I was in the picture but H gets a kick out of it.

COkristi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:d2acef82-ae60-4d67-b99f-284cab2b5525">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought of another one. We were talking about my ex boyfriend and she said "You didn't sleep with him did you?" and when I finally admitted that I had she said "Ewwwww". Thanks Mom, glad to know you approved.
Posted by RodeoRed[/QUOTE]

I would die if I had that conversation with my mother. I'm pretty sure she thinks I was a virgin before I met H. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-surprised.gif" border="0" alt="Surprised" title="Surprised" />

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:38004c80-826e-4027-a7da-8ad9a2297ca7">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]My mom is pretty unintentionally funny but one that sticks out for me is my freshmen year of college I was describing the tree that was outside my dorm room because I had never seen one like it before and she said <strong>"It sounds like a dogwood. Their flowers smell like sperm."</strong> I had no idea how to respond to that statement.
Posted by RodeoRed[/QUOTE]
This is absolutelyt hilarious!!

katiewhompus

My mom said fvck for the first time (that I've heard) the other day. It was really weird.

She's into/a practioner of holistic medicine so she can say some interesting things. It's not at all abnormal for her to talk about bowel movements or how eating certain things will make x, y, z happen in the bathroom. That and talking about all of the things that modern society uses that are bad for you, like processed sugar, air fresheners, nonstick pans, carpet shampoos, normal shampoos, soap, laundry detergent...

LP11509

Years ago,  during a staff meeting she was conducting, my mom asked, "Coffee?  Tea? Or....ME?" and pulled her blazer off/shirt up, exposing a hair, plastic caveman chest she had underneath that was my brother's Halloween costume.. She'd been working there long enough/knew the staff well enough that she knew they would all find it hilarious - and they did! I love my mom. 

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:2bd4f318-00d7-43fe-9c4d-abc649287442">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]Years ago,  during a staff meeting she was conducting, my mom asked, "Coffee?  Tea? Or....ME?" and pulled her blazer off/shirt up, exposing a hair, plastic caveman chest she had underneath that was my brother's Halloween costume.. She'd been working there long enough/knew the staff well enough that she knew they would all find it hilarious - and they did! I love my mom. 
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]
Haha I think I love your mom too.

I hope I can be a cool mom one day.

anna.oskar

My mother (who does not know we're TTC at all) likes to use the phrase "too bad you're not pregnant"  ALL the time and i want to punch her even though she has no clue.

This morning at the bazaar while in a crowded room

"Too bad you're not pregnant.  People would get out of our way then.  Well, church members would.  But no one would fault a pregnant woman for shoving strangers out of her way in order to get to the lefse before it's gone. We might be in church but God knows how important lefse is.  He'll forgive."


i was raised by heathens

RodeoRed

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:4b453226-5ac8-4839-9128-88c541a1d711">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awesome things your mom has said : I would die if I had that conversation with my mother. I'm pretty sure she thinks I was a virgin before I met H.
Posted by COkristi[/QUOTE]

It was kind of awkward but my Mom is more like my older sister than my Mom so it definitely could have been worse. Now on the other hand I probably would keel over if my Dad asked me something like that.

katiewhompus

Anna, today my mom told me to "hurry up and get pregnant" because she's ready to spoil a grandkid. I knew it was just a reaction to losing Ewok but inside I was still like, really mom? She has been incredibly supportive through everything too which makes it even more bizarre.

RodeoRed

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:63161acc-6c44-44d4-8d33-216164c09a94">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awesome things your mom has said : This is absolutelyt hilarious!!
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

I think she says outrageous things without even thinking. When I was in like 6th grade I was on a field trip to an amusement park and she was driving a couple of my friends and I there and we were talking about how much I didn't like one of the boys in our grade. My Mom pops in with "I can't blame you, that boy has bigger boobs than you do." Which she then realizes was really inappropriate to say infront of all us. All my friends thought she was the coolest mom ever.

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:bad6247c-de9f-4732-8270-b1fd6ba1046e">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]Anna, today my mom told me to "hurry up and get pregnant" because she's ready to spoil a grandkid. I knew it was just a reaction to losing Ewok but inside I was still like, really mom? She has been incredibly supportive through everything too which makes it even more bizarre.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

I'm pretty sure that the idea of getting the title "grandma" even if it isn't for the first time, causes normally sane women to go insane.  I bet there is research that proves that.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:b2d07422-d6b6-4239-86f1-d42a733a7295">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awesome things your mom has said : I'm pretty sure that the idea of getting the title "grandma" even if it isn't for the first time, causes normally sane women to go insane.  I bet there is research that proves that.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]
My mom pitched a fit recently because she thought we through out these books I had as a kid that she was saving for when I was a kid (theyve gone missing but weve certainly NOT thrown them out). She wants to be a grandma so bad and I had no idea, she apparently talks about it to my aunts and has just never voiced it to me.

katiewhompus

I concur about crazy wannabegrandma syndrome. I'm actually surprised I don't get more from my mil. She knows we've been trying but not exactly how long and doesn't know about the mc's.

Plus mom keeps telling herself she will quit her crappy job when I have kids so she can help take care of them. I think she's so done with her job but just needs that excuse and is getting antsy.

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:b2d07422-d6b6-4239-86f1-d42a733a7295">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awesome things your mom has said : I'm pretty sure that the idea of getting the title "grandma" even if it isn't for the first time, causes normally sane women to go insane.  I bet there is research that proves that.
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This is exactly why I'm seriously considering not telling my parents or ILs (especially my ILs) when we start TTC.  Does that make me a bad person?</div>

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:b21ec2d4-2a79-46c3-b874-837983aafc66">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awesome things your mom has said : This is exactly why I'm seriously considering not telling my parents or ILs (especially my ILs) when we start TTC.  Does that make me a bad person?
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

That's why we haven't.  The only person who does know is my step-sister because she's a big ol' nosy, eavesdropping butthead who was lip-reading an obviously private conversation.

Nebb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:8952f4ff-1373-4ab5-acad-e139e947592c">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]I concur about crazy wannabegrandma syndrome. I'm actually surprised I don't get more from my mil. She knows we've been trying but not exactly how long and doesn't know about the mc's. Plus mom keeps telling herself she will quit her crappy job when I have kids so she can help take care of them. I think she's so done with her job but just needs that excuse and is getting antsy.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]
We live with my mom and she is retired. She has already said she wants to finish the basement so that adam can move his office downstairs so that we can convert his office into a nursery. She is planning. She has already designated herself as a fulltime babysitter.

katiewhompus

Not at all LP. I honestly only told mine because I thought I was last December and got all giddy excited. Then was like, well damn..that sucks.

I love Scott's way of handling it though. We went out for dinner one night right after my 1st mc and some of our friends were ragging on us for not being pregnant already. He just goes "You know, we're just waiting for the right time for it to happen." Good way of not saying anything but still stopping more questions.

HobokensFury

Just the other day my mom said I was Snow White's eighth dwarf... bitchy.  I got a good laugh out of that one.

soontobeschooley

My FMIL the other day found out about women having pen!s cakes parties.  She says: "How do you shape a pen!s cake?!  I don't think I could freehand a pen!s!" 

Now, this lady is pretty conservative and very suburban.  I may have peed myself a little!

cm42878

When I was younger my mom and one her friends took me to the mall to do a little shopping. I saw two women holding hands and sharing a kiss and was obviously eyeing the situation trying to figure out what was going on. my mom explained to me that they were homosexuals, when two people of the same sex loved each other thats what it was called. Then she explained people like her and my dad who marrieds omeones of the oppiset sex were bisexuals. Her friend busted up laughing and explained that that was not correct. My mom had no clue what she had said and when her friend said, um I think you are heterosexual you could see the look of embaresment on her face. She said "wow I am glad you explained that before she went to school and told all her friends her mommy and daddy were bisexual"

Meaghann17

my mom told us once if we didn't have a bath our vaginas would fall off.. pretty scary to an 8 year old. my sister is a year younger than me and never bought my moms scare tactics and pretty much laughed at her. I was terrified and booted it into the house to bath.
we bug my mom all the time about her ways of convincing us to do something she wanted..

another one- she was convinced i would get herpes living in residence at university.. and when i had a few bladder infections that year she totally used that as proof that herpes was next haha

mgmlove

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_awesome-things-mom-said?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:529cf41e-59ea-43b9-8d8e-82250586d914Post:63161acc-6c44-44d4-8d33-216164c09a94">Re: Awesome things your mom has said</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Awesome things your mom has said : This is absolutelyt hilarious!!
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

And SO true!