Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions??

brookerich

I've been engaged now for about 2 months and on several occasions when people have saw my ring they're like "thats nice, how much did it cost?"  I'm like "huh?" why would anyone ask that and why would it be any of their business.  I'd never ask anyone that. 

Not only that but when people find out we are having a destination wedding where we will be paying for guest lodging they're like "how do you afford that?"

These questions drive me insane.  It happened to me again this morning and it was all I could do not to just be a smartarse and say "why is it any of your effin businesss??" but I kept my cool since the lady asking was about 80 years old.

Has anyone else had these questions asked to them or is it just the people in my area who are obnoxiously rude?

baystateapple

I wouldn't say that it's just you, but nobody ever asked me those questions.

I probably would have responded with a withering look and changed the subject though, if asked.

brookerich

oh and just while I'm bitchin it out, I'm tired of the "that doesn't look like an engagement ring" statement too.

Well excuse me Ms. Southern Belle just because a traditional 1 carat diamond solitaire with matching band isn't my thing doesn't mean my ring "isn't an engagement ring"  Sometimes I wonder about the women here in the South and their traditions. 

ok. I'm done. Stepping off my soap box now.

calixtine

Wow, I thought the south was supposed to be all about politeness and being proper.  I've never had someone have the gall to ask me such rude questions.  I would like to say I'd have some witty retort for someone who did but honestly I would probably just be speechless instead.

daniellelmilczak

I have a woman I work with, as well as my sister in law, who regularly asks me how much things are if we're talking about buying something or when we talked about our wedding and honeymoon. I think I, as well as you, just need to come up with some answer that brushes them off with no specifics. Like, "well, we've budgeted for xyz expense so we're prepared for it" although I'd like to say, "Listen, RUDE, I never ask you what you've paid for things because its personal and inappropriate. MYOB, Biznotch".

RailWayWife

I hate the "How much did that cost?" question. If it was any of your eff'n business you would know.

Its not even just about the engagement ring. I find every step of the way I have someone asking me "Oh you booked that, How much did that cost?"

Drives me insane!

september's bride

I did get asked stuff like that from time to time, but it tended to be from friends who were also planning weddings, so I took it as research. We're not really worried about friends sounding rude or gauche for asking when they're in the same boat as we are. Now that we're expecting, we're trading financial information/strategies/costs etc with friends who are parents, so it doesn't bother me too much.

Now, when we get asked stuff like that by people who have NO reason to ask aside from nosiness, then I get irritated.

chelseamb11

People are rude. It's just a fact of life.

achiduck

Yes, I get it all the time. i have a rather large ring, but it's a white sapphire with tiny diamonds surrounding the stone and on the band. I get "OMG, is that real?" and "how much did that cost" all the time. I once actually had a barrista in the starbucks drive-thru say to me "I REALLY hope that's not real" in a super condesending tone.
People are rude and it sucks. Next time ask them how much they get paid at their job.

SEWF

Luckily, I had an odd looking engagement ring, also. It was a family heirloom, so when I showed people my ring, I'd just start with that. It was my H's grandfather's wedding ring, so I got more of "Wow, your h's grandfather must have had really small hands!"

If people ask, just change the conversation. Or say you don't know because it was a gift, and it would be RUDE to ask. Maybe that will get the hint across.

ceh789

I go with "Why do you want to know?" when someone asks an intrusive question.  If they have a legitimate reason (see: trading baby cost info with someone expecting their first child above) I'll usually tell them the answer.  Most people who don't have a legitimate reason to ask will either be embarassed and change the topic or say "just curious".  If they're curious I'll say "That's a really personal question." and change the topic immediately.  I've never had anyone push the issue.

Blueyed228

The only people who asked specific money questions were friends/family who were getting married after my wedding and liked one of my vendors. 

I got a few remarks here and there about some other details but whatever, it didnt bother me too much.  After your wedding people stop asking so there is something to look forward to.

Girlie1030

The only one I regularly got was if it was a 2nd or 3rd marriage for us because of our age (I was 36, he was 38).  I was tempted to reply "It's actually my 5th - why do you ask?" but never did. 

cheeseandrice

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-get-asked-these-ridiculously-annoying-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5316488a-c395-4114-ae9f-2ec666920e2bPost:ca0502f6-5fe6-4cbb-b0f5-9e8fb7db9b6a">Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions??</a>:
[QUOTE]I did get asked stuff like that from time to time, but it tended to be from friends who were also planning weddings, so I took it as research. We're not really worried about friends sounding rude or gauche for asking when they're in the same boat as we are. Now that we're expecting, we're trading financial information/strategies/costs etc with friends who are parents, so it doesn't bother me too much. Now, when we get asked stuff like that by people who have NO reason to ask aside from nosiness, then I get irritated.
Posted by september's bride[/QUOTE]

All of this. It didn't really phase me, depending on who it was coming from.

Achi, I really want to see your ring now.

jennamarie10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-get-asked-these-ridiculously-annoying-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5316488a-c395-4114-ae9f-2ec666920e2bPost:246aa1a2-b678-4625-a887-a25dd48fcf15">Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions??</a>:
[QUOTE]. Achi, I really want to see your ring now.
Posted by Steph+J[/QUOTE]

Me too!

celticmyss

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-get-asked-these-ridiculously-annoying-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5316488a-c395-4114-ae9f-2ec666920e2bPost:87459e25-9037-4461-bbd7-42dbdd69bfcf">Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions??</a>:
[QUOTE]The only one I regularly got was if it was a 2nd or 3rd marriage for us because of our age (I was 36, he was 38).  I was tempted to reply "It's actually my 5th - why do you ask?" but never did. 
Posted by Girlie1030[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>This reminds me of an incident when I was about 13. I was at the courthouse watching my infant brother while my parents were in a child support hearing. An older lady came up to me and asked if the baby was my first. I told her it was my third. </div>

Celles

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-get-asked-these-ridiculously-annoying-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5316488a-c395-4114-ae9f-2ec666920e2bPost:13ac9131-ffe5-487b-8bff-19e48e1a0d25">Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions?? : This reminds me of an incident when I was about 13. I was at the courthouse watching my infant brother while my parents were in a child support hearing. An older lady came up to me and asked if the baby was my first. I told her was my third. 
Posted by celticmyss[/QUOTE]

You were witty even at 13.  Nice.  :)

Girlie1030

Well done celtic!

cheeseandrice

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-get-asked-these-ridiculously-annoying-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5316488a-c395-4114-ae9f-2ec666920e2bPost:13ac9131-ffe5-487b-8bff-19e48e1a0d25">Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions?? : This reminds me of an incident when I was about 13. I was at the courthouse watching my infant brother while my parents were in a child support hearing. An older lady came up to me and asked if the baby was my first. I told her was my third. 
Posted by celticmyss[/QUOTE]

People used to do this to me ALL the time with my siblings. (When I was 18, they were 11, 9, and 4.) Like, seriously? You think I popped out a kid when I was 8?

brookerich

I ususally just answer the ring question with "I have no idea, my FI bought it" which is true.  I have an idea what it cost but I don't know for sure. 

As far as the wedding question I just sideswipe it and change the subject.  Most of these people aren't going to be invited to the wedding anyways so I mean really why would it matter to them.  I've learned to just say "we're going to Vegas" since most people here seem to think that means quickie Elvis wedding, which in Southern translates to tacky and cheap! hahaha  I think people think we are one step away from living in the poor house, at least thats the conclusion I've drawn. lol We in no way live extravagantly but we also have zero debt.  I think since we aren't flashy people that people automatically assume that we wouldn't be able to afford things like nice engagement rings and a wedding.  Where I live if you have any money (or no money at all) you flash it and want everyone to know.  We really need to move!  And that is in the plan.  We don't fit in here at all.

My FI's stepmother is the worst.  Which she is nosey in every conceviable way, not just with this so I expected it from her but not from people I barely know.

I've been asked so many times though, the most recent from a total stranger, the older lady I was referring to.  I'm just out shopping and she notices it and asks.  I'm like "lady, I didn't ask you how much your teeth cost!" lol  It just caught me off guard I guess. 

People have asked about my dress too, once they find out I've found one.  Weird in my opinion but I guess "only in the south...."

So y'all keep your fingers crossed that I don't end up on the news for tearing into someone at the grocery store. lol

shoelover1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-get-asked-these-ridiculously-annoying-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5316488a-c395-4114-ae9f-2ec666920e2bPost:13ac9131-ffe5-487b-8bff-19e48e1a0d25">Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions?? : This reminds me of an incident when I was about 13. I was at the courthouse watching my infant brother while my parents were in a child support hearing. <strong>An older lady came up to me and asked if the baby was my first</strong>. I told her was my third. 
Posted by celticmyss[/QUOTE]

When I was 14 I went to the mall with my uncle and his kids to help him watch them one day. He had to change the baby, so I sat outside the bathroom with the toddler. It was mother's day weekend, and an old lady came over to me and said "happy mother's day, dear."

But, Brookerich, I HATE when people 'count' other people's money. Even after the wedding I get those comments all the time (partially because I am younger). When people ask how much things cost I usually smile and go with "enough" as my answer. It might not be the most polite, but neither is their question.

Nindakay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-get-asked-these-ridiculously-annoying-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5316488a-c395-4114-ae9f-2ec666920e2bPost:69df8ae8-6d36-47d7-a773-ccd0c5aae11a">Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions??</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions?? : Me too!
Posted by jennamarie10[/QUOTE]

me three!

Nindakay

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-get-asked-these-ridiculously-annoying-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:5316488a-c395-4114-ae9f-2ec666920e2bPost:e157751c-3049-4438-b6bc-2d2029de5470">Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions??</a>:
[QUOTE]oh and just while I'm bitchin it out, I'm tired of the <strong>"that doesn't look like an engagement ring" statement too</strong>. Well excuse me Ms. Southern Belle just because a traditional 1 carat diamond solitaire with matching band isn't my thing doesn't mean my ring "isn't an engagement ring"  Sometimes I wonder about the women here in the South and their traditions.  ok. I'm done. Stepping off my soap box now.
Posted by brookerich[/QUOTE]

Boo....rude!  I don't have a traditional ring.  It's a small-ish blue sapphire.  Not expensive.  But I love it, and that's all that matters.  I didn't want FI to spend tons of money on my ring.  (Actually, wedding band cost more than engagement.  LOL)

As far as women in the South, we're just lke everyone else, sug-ah(<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-smile.gif" border="0" alt="Smile" title="Smile" />).  Most people are kind and sweet.  But there are a few imposters.  LOL  I'm sorry people are being rude.  Personally, I don't ask about costs for something (I just wonder in awe.  LOL) unless it's a very close friend, like my friend who is getting married 3 weeks after me.  It's just plain ole rude!

SportsBear47

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_anyone-else-get-asked-these-ridiculously-annoying-questions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:5316488a-c395-4114-ae9f-2ec666920e2bPost:33cd73c1-bef7-4312-b0c1-e9401358c513">Re: Anyone else get asked these ridiculously annoying questions??</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>I ususally just answer the ring question with "I have no idea, my FI bought it" which is true.</strong>  I have an idea what it cost but I don't know for sure.  As far as the wedding question I just sideswipe it and change the subject.  Most of these people aren't going to be invited to the wedding anyways so I mean really why would it matter to them.  <strong>I've learned to just say "we're going to Vegas" since most people here seem to think that means quickie Elvis wedding, which in Southern translates to tacky and cheap!</strong> hahaha  I think people think we are one step away from living in the poor house, at least thats the conclusion I've drawn. lol We in no way live extravagantly but we also have zero debt.  I think since we aren't flashy people that people automatically assume that we wouldn't be able to afford things like nice engagement rings and a wedding.  Where I live if you have any money (or no money at all) you flash it and want everyone to know.  We really need to move!  And that is in the plan.  We don't fit in here at all. :) My FI's stepmother is the worst.
Posted by brookerich[/QUOTE]

We do not fit in either, and I'm FROM The South, just not "Southern".  I encountered all of this, too - including people asking what marriage it was for us since we are in our 30s.  And the look on some Steel Magnolia-types' faces when I walked into bridal salons and said I was looking for tea-length/short wedding dresses.  "I'm sorry, sweetie, we only have long gowns and pageant dresses in here."  Then I got the stick eye...

H's business partner even told us minutes after the ceremony that it didn't seem like a Vegas wedding at all.  When asked how so, he said, "No Elvis and it was actually a beautiful ceremony.  I forgot I was in Vegas for a moment."  Gee, thanks I think?  As for after the ceremony, I will admit it was Vegas (sans Elvis though). No offense to The King, but hey, there were other powers at hand.

And now that the wedding is over, people STILL ask if Elvis married us.  Oof.  I'm about to just say yes and that we had a stripper pole at the altar.  Then make it rain.

brookerich

hahahahaha!! Sportsbear.  Your post cracked me up.  When I went in to try on dresses at the salon here last time there were a whole slew of cotillion girls in there doing their thing.  And even their moms were asking strange questions.  Somehow the subject of this being my second marriage was mentioned and wow!  You should have saw their faces.  Its as if they thought just since I'd been married before I wasn't allowed to have a pretty dress.  Its like someone made them suck on a pickle.  I'm 31 and FI is 42 so we get "looks" all the time.  Just cause we're old don't mean we're dead! lol

I was raised right here in Georgia from age 5 up.  I was born in Ireland so I guess maybe I still have that in me.  I've noticed some of the traditions here, from weddings to daily life to funerals are strange. lol

Our ceremony will be very un-Vegas.  We are getting married at a golf resort outside of town with a beautiful view of the mountains.  We were talking about songs the other night to "dance" back down the aisle to after we are married and I told FI that we should do "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis just to be cheeky.  We are doing a double decker bus tour though where "Elvis" will be our tour guide.  Now if I could just figure out how to tie in Star Wars or Star Trek we will fulfill all "Vegas" wedding stereotypes.  When you said that about the stripper pole it really cracked me up because FI jokingly suggested "Pour Some Sugar On Me" as the dance back up the aisle song! hahaha  I told him that the venue didn't offer poles as part of the package. 

oh wow.  Gotta love the south. 

bencomobride

i tell ppl unless they wanna foot the bill, they dont need to worry about what the cost is.