Let's talk about weight

littleluckypenny

How much does weight matter to you in your partner?  It matters somewhat because I would like my partner to be healthy and active, but that doesn't mean "tri-athlete" healthy, just someone within a normal healthy weight range.

Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight? If it got to a point of excessive noticeable weight, then yes.  FI doesn't have a problem with this though, because he actually talks about weight more than I do.  He always mentions how he thinks he's overweight (and isn't), so he runs 5 days a week.  He's been doing so since January in anticipation for the wedding, which was in June.  We both lost weight for the wedding.  He still continues running and I continue to hit the gym (though I've gone from 5 days to 3 days a week).

Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight? DH hasn't told me I need to lose weight, but has always said he would help me if I wanted to.  He's been truthfull whenever I ask him if I put some pounds on (he always says, "well, *maybe* a little, but I still think you're really sexy").  

I never notice weight gain (or loss) in myself or DH untill we visit my family, who has NO filter and will point blank say "you got fat" in front of everyone.  Or, looking at pictures. It hurts, and I cry sometimes if it's said to me by my family, but it actually kicks my butt into gear to lose weight.  Sometimes, if I know we have a trip coming up to see my family, I start trying to lose weight before we go so I don't have to hear any crushing comments.

andrea2473

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lets-talk-about-weight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:59d93881-b8f3-4082-8a08-0a78681cb59aPost:726e471f-019e-4085-bd08-2c480da4945d">Re: Let's talk about weight</a>:
[QUOTE]We both need to lose weight and eat healthier.  We discuss it openly and are working together to make it happen.  I'm down 4lbs and he is down 10. 
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

That's great.  Having a support system in your partner is key.  That's why I like how 'even' H and I are in that department.  Good luck!

LetsHikeToday

I've never really thought about H's weight because his metabolism is amazing. I wouldn't ever say anything to him if he gained a ton though. I'd invite him to exercise with me.

I'm really sensitive about my weight which comes from my eating disorder. If he told me I needed to lose weight, I'd probably be really upset but I think I'd understand that he was just trying to look out for me though. I doubt he would ever say anything to me. 

KateJ10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lets-talk-about-weight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:59d93881-b8f3-4082-8a08-0a78681cb59aPost:726e471f-019e-4085-bd08-2c480da4945d">Re: Let's talk about weight</a>:
[QUOTE]We both need to lose weight and eat healthier.  We discuss it openly and are working together to make it happen.  I'm down 4lbs and he is down 10. 
Posted by Dot Dash[/QUOTE]

of COURSE the damn guy is losing more weight and more quickly. That always seems to happen.

And good for you, Dot!

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lets-talk-about-weight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:59d93881-b8f3-4082-8a08-0a78681cb59aPost:e540df2f-d79f-47ea-a5ea-a5dc23256d6d">Let's talk about weight</a>:
[QUOTE]Stole this one from GBCN too.  Fvck it. How much does weight matter to you in your partner?  Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight?  Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight?
Posted by Smash Adams[/QUOTE]

<div>A lot, I'm not going to lie. Not attracted to pot bellies, not attracted to heaviness, but I don't like super muscled either. I like my men lean and athletic. </div><div>
</div><div>No, if only because he didn't when I put on weight. I was determined to get it off either way, and he simply said "I'm fine with how you are now, but I want you to be happy with it, and if losing weight will make you happy and confident, I'll give you all the help and support you want." Which he has. In fact, he's probably the only reason I managed to lose 20lbs. </div>

entropicbeauty

How much does weight matter to you in your partner?  It definitely matters. I come from an extremely unhealthy family and so does he. My father has yo-yo-ed from being morbidly obese and then he goes on extreme medical weight loss diets, keeps the weight off for maybe a couple of months and then packs it all back on and I do NOT want to see that happen to my FI. He also doesn't want that for himself, so he definitely would rather I say something and help get back on track than just let his health deteriorate.

Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight? Absolutely, and I have. When we started dating we were both in the best shape of our lives, and over the past 4 years we've both gained a significant amount of weight. Enough was enough and I discussed with him and he agreed that it was time to start making better decisions about food and exercise (not just for him, for both of us)

Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight? Absolutely not. I encourage him to be 100% honest with me. Honesty is what our whole relationship is founded on. Before we started dating, I was extremely overweight. I lost a bunch of weight (a very unhealthy way - the things you learn in retrospect!), then we started dating and I started gaining a lot of the weight I'd lost back. I didn't want to completely backslide, so I encouraged my FI to let me know when he notices I'm overdoing it with food etc. (I come from a family of binge eaters and have huge issues with portion control). He helps keep me honest with myself and together we cook healthy food and exercise. It would be a real challenge if we weren't in this together, we motivate eachother and help keep eachother on track.

brittneyh4

How much does weight matter to you in your partner? 
H has packed on a few pounds since we met, but it hasn't bothered me. He's still incredibly active and could easily drop 10 lbs (makes me sick). He's got broad shoulders and a very manly shape, he's stocky and I like it. I don't want him smaller than me. Weird.

Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight? 
If it was getting out of control, yes. He is a big outdoorsman, for him to gain a ton of weight would be strange since he's so active. He had HBP for a while and I made him get it under control pretty quick (where he thought it was NBD).

Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight?
If he said 'hey fatass, you could stand to lose 30 lbs' I'd kick his asss for sure. I had an eating disorder when I met him and he's helped me through it, now I've gone from not eating to not putting food down. He's supported me through my now weight loss but he watches me really carefully, he's worried I'll stop eating again. I just want to be healthy and active again, and have already lost 27 lbs. I still have another 20 I'd like to lose, and that puts me at the right weight for my height anyway.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

How much does weight matter to you in your partner?  Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight?  Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight?

This is a tough topic for me because I've had some ED issues in my family (one of my sisters was ana and my mom is... questionable).  It's no secret that I'm vain as all hell, so weight does kind of matter a great deal to me.  But as PPs have said before me a lot of it has to do with general health, however, I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't matter to me if myself or my partner gained say, 100 lbs or something.

I think I would mention something about his weight if he were too heavy.  I am not sure at what level that would be?  I'm not sure.  I consider myself to be pretty fit.  Ben is probably not very healthy - he's not heavy at all, the exact opposite in fact.  He's a pretty thin guy.  I have gotten him to eat a little better since we got married; before he lived on microwave meals and fast food.  He still drinks a crap ton of soda but at least he gets good dinners.  And he knows I want him to eat healthy.

I'm not someone who would kick their spouse's ass if they told me I needed to lose weight.  For me, it's all in the delivery.  Ben knows how critical I am of my appearance and my weight and if the situation was like, if I asked him if I'd gained noticeable weight, I'd want him to be honest.  If he flat out called me a fatass heifer that would definitely suck, lol.  I dunno.

This is all weird to me.  I think I suck

LP11509

How much does weight matter to you in your partner? it matters more in terms of being healthy, than in terms of appearance.  

 Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight?  He is actually really skinny, so no.  If he gained 100 pound suddenly, I would say something out of concern for his health.  However, he tends to be really lazy and not active at all.  I've been encouraging him to be more active, not to lose weight (since he definitely does not need to), but just to be more healthy overall.  It's not good to be a couch potato.

 Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight? Yes, and he knows it.  I have a history of ED, and I am super sensitive about weight issues.  I will admit that I take things WAY too personally.  LIke, if he asks me if I went to the gym just out of curiosity about what I did today, I will immediately interpret that to mean that he thinks I NEED to go to the gym because I am getting fat.  I realize that this is extremely unhealthy. 

lgoin1

How much does weight matter to you in your partner? Yes.  We both come from unhealthy families.  My father is diabetic (and used to be very obese), and his step-mother is also.  His grandmother just passed away from lung cancer.  His mother is overweight.  His sister and sister-in-law are obese.  Heart problems run in my family. We want to be able to live long lives for one another, and we also like to stress that taking care of one's self is self-love.  Yes, we get lazy sometimes, but we think of exercise/healthydiet as a way of loving yourself, not a limitation.  It's not about looks, it's about living long lives together.

 Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight?  Yes, but for health reasons.  I never really have to.  He takes good care of himself.  He isn't a body builder or a marathon runner.  He just wants to be healthy.

 Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight?
No, because I know that if he has to say something about it, things are out of hand.  Actually, I'm actually barely at a healthy weight.  I've been underweight all my life, and he is encouraging me to gain weight (better for future fertility!).  I trust him to be kind and to have the best intentions.

saharnshard

How much does weight matter to you in your partner? 
We are both conscious about our weight and talk about it a lot. We hold each other accountable to stay healthy and fit.

Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight? 
I wouldn't say "You need to lose weight," but I would definitely voice my concerns and I have before.

Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight?
Absolutely not, he has told me that I'm getting cellulite and I'm not as thin as I have been in the past, and it motivates me to be healthier.

curiousgeorgette

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lets-talk-about-weight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:59d93881-b8f3-4082-8a08-0a78681cb59aPost:1b1f7771-db6b-4ca9-88fa-e6c005e781de">Re: Let's talk about weight</a>:
[QUOTE]First thing I asked XH when he told me he wanted a divorce was if it was because I had gained weight.  He said no (and turns out, that clearly wasn't why), but I'm still convinced that if I hadn't gained weight, he would've been less inclined to stray. I need to go to therapy, I think.
Posted by Smash Adams[/QUOTE]

<div>Therapy is a good idea.</div><div>
</div><div>I lost 10 lbs after I stopped trying to lose weight -- I started seeing a therapist who pointed out that food had become an obsession for me.  I tracked every calorie I ate (which is supposed to be a good strategy, but it backfired because I spent so much of my day thinking about food).  I had always been a pretty healthy eater and pretty good about exercising, but I was a total stress eater also, and the more I tried to restrict myself, the more I would end up bingeing in the end.</div><div>
</div><div>Now, I listen to my body.  I let myself eat healthy foods whenever I am hungry.  I also let myself eat dark chocolate every day -- it's one type of candy/sweet that I find very satisfying and hard to overdo!  I feel better, I'm happier, and I am better able to regulate myself.  There are days I eat too much but by staying active and listening to my body, I usually end up balancing out.</div><div>
</div><div>I know this won't work for everyone, but I think a good therapist can go a long way!  And I definitely think that obsessing about food and your appearance only makes the problem worse.  Focus on how you feel and you'll be happier in the short run and the long run :)</div>

Lizzieyounce

How much does weight matter to you in your partner?  Honestly, not much. FI could lose some weight, but I'm more concerned about that because he's a cop and he has MS. 

  Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight? Sure, I've told him this, but I was agreeing with his saying that he needed to lose weight. If he hadn't said anything, then I still would have, but only because of his health.

 Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight? It would depend on how he said it. But I've brought up my unhappiness over my weight and shape, so we joined a health club and work out together.

Girlie1030

How much does weight matter to you in your partner?  
To a certain degree it matters.  A little extra weight is no big deal, enough to make him unhealthy is (says the chubby smoker). 

Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight?  
10-20 pounds, no.  Beyond that, I'd probably encourage a healthier lifestyle. 

Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight?
It would depend.  If said "Hey heifer, get your fat arse on a treadmill." I'd be pissed.  As it is, H encourages me to take some classes (yoga, dance) or get back out walking or biking but it's because he knows I'm uncomfortable with my weight.  If I'm totally honest though, sometimes getting a pep talk from someone training like he does is irritating. 

Starqueg

My FI and I are both trying to lose weight right now, so what we weigh, eat, and do comes up in conversation pretty much every day.  In terms of mattering to me, it doesn't.  I love him for who he is.  I've dated heavy guys and scrawny guys.  He likes my curves, so he doesn't want me to lose a ton of weight, and is worried that my boobs and hips will shrink too much.  

I'd be shocked if my FI ever said that I needed to lose weight.  He might comment that I'm eating crap, but only because he knows that I'm trying to get healthy.  I do the same thing to him.  If that kind of comment was random, and I wasn't trying to lose weight and get healthy, I'd probably be mildly annoyed, or downright pissed.  But it really depends on the circumstances.  If he just outright said, "you're getting fat, go on a diet."  I'd be furious and he'd be on the couch for a while.

angelsong21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_lets-talk-about-weight?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:59d93881-b8f3-4082-8a08-0a78681cb59aPost:a9f4f7de-4686-4c29-9015-0eb2136b12bc">Re: Let's talk about weight</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm really sensitive about my weight which comes from my eating disorder. If he told me I needed to lose weight, I'd probably be really upset but I think I'd understand that he was just trying to look out for me though. I doubt he would ever say anything to me. 
Posted by LetsHikeToday[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Same here.  I don't think H would ever say a word to me about it for this reason even though he knows I'm really unhappy with my current higher weight. 

</div>

MerAndTrick

How much does weight matter to you in your partner?  

For us, it matters a great deal, but it's more a symptom of us both needing to make weightclass for competitions.  Although, to be fair, being attracted to each other is a portion of it too.  We met at the gym, and spending time in the gym, competing together is one of the things that we both love and have in common and we enjoy together.  So weight, as a result of time spent in the gym, is an important component of this for us.

Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight?  Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight?

Yes.  We are each other's "accountability buddies" when it comes to keeping our weight stable.  We weigh in every morning and "report in" our weight to each other on a regular basis.  If one of us shows a trend in the "wrong" direction, it's a "ok gotta tighten down the diet" moment and the other doesn't really mince words.  I have a tendency to be more towards the top of my weight class than the FH, so when I start to push the upper bounds of competition weight, he's like "no more sweet potatoes for you for the week" or "only one cheat meal this week".  I like that he holds me accountable, and I think he likes the fact that I do the same with him.

Spunky414

How much does weight matter to you in your partner?

Only for health reasons, his family has a bunch of weight related health issues and he needs to stay on top of it. 

Would you ever tell your SO to lose weight? 

Yes and I have. He mindlessly eats but I'm pretty much in charge of all food preparation so I've got the diet thing covered for both of us. 

Would you kick assss if they told you that you should lose weight?

Not if phrased politely. I've got metabolic issues so putting on a little weight usually means something is wrong and I should get to the endocrinologist to have my meds tweaked. He loved me when I was the sickest and 80lbs heavier than I am now so I don't take it that hard.

ricksang

You know, three years ago I would have said no it doesn't matter, but now it does b/c it's an issue I am currently dealing with. Some of you know I have been dealing with my husband's weight issues. He has gained an excessive amount of weight and it concerns me. It has caused a lot of problems in our marriage . And as someone who is studying nutrition, being healthy and thin for him and myself is important. He doesn't have to worry about my weight because I work out hard 6 days a week and eat healthy 90% of the time. I am sure he would not be happy if I gained 100 pounds. I like men with a little meat/chuncky/stout body weight but it's too much when he  reaches  the morbidly obese category. Am I shallow? Maybe so, but I want him to enjoy being healthy with me and right now it isn't happening and causing conflict. He is trying so that is a plus.