Would you

ZombieNates

date someone who killed a person?

This is a bizarre spin off of a lunch conversation.

shortie4311

Im going to say no...but I'm marrying a cop so its the total opposite haha 

ZombieNates

Well, theoretically a cop could kill someone (although probably with just cause). 

vegasgroom

Killed in self defense sure, killed because they wanted to kill someone or because they were driving drunk or something like that, not so much.

BunnyChii

No.

Although then I think back to South Pacific and that Frenchman....Man, he was charming. So...maybe if he was French.

[Deleted User]

Oh wow. I don't think so. Unless there were circumstances that I could understand. Like if they killed someone while protecting their children.

J&K10910

totally depends on the circumstances. is he military?police? was it in self defense? then sure. did it doind something stupid like driving drunk? no way. murder? nope.

KaylaSue19

That's an interesting topic. H was in the military before we met, and I know he has killed people, but it's not something he ever talks about. In fact in the 4 years I have known him he has only alluded to it once or twice, I know he doesn't like thinking about it.

So I suppose my answer would be yes, in my situation. I would never date someone who killed someone if they were not in the military and/or cop etc. H has thought about becoming a cop and that would scare the crap out of me. If he had to shoot someone to save his own life I would  obviously be okay with that because I would rather have him alive than not, but I would hope it would never come to that.

ZombieNates

Just open parameters.

The story is some guy called my friend to set up a date and said he had something really big to tell her and that most people don't like him after they hear it.  The conversation ended before he could tell her what it was, so we were just speculating.

I agree with most of you--killing in the line of duty is a different situation than just killing for pleasure or revenge.

What if he/she did time for muder, was out, and claimed to be rehabilitated (i.e. went through extensive therapy, etc)?

alyssag721

I would. Guess I'm crazy

Edit: Not if they did time for murder. Don't think you can just "rehab" that one

pirategal03

Probably not, if I knew about it.  I'm not sure how much the circumstances would matter.

ETA: This is part of the reason I never dated anyone in the military.

undyingmizery

Carrying out a duty (police, military ect) I would be able to. Something due to lack of empathy and stupidity OH HELL NO

J&K10910

can i ask a piggyback question nates? would you continue to date someone you were already dating if they killed someone while you were dating? or if it happened before but you didnt find out until you were already knee deep?

MRSBJS

PP's have already given my answer - cops, soldiers, self-defense - no problem. That's (potentially) part of your job if you're a cop or a soldier, and self-defense, or protecting your children? I have no problem with that.

BunnyChii

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:59e06bb2-e417-4761-9032-260955f33ad0Post:cccee053-46dc-464e-a75b-b9a3429e03c9">Re: Would you</a>:
[QUOTE]Just open parameters. The story is some guy called my friend to set up a date and said he had something really big to tell her and that most people don't like him after they hear it.  The conversation ended before he could tell her what it was, so we were just speculating. I agree with most of you--killing in the line of duty is a different situation than just killing for pleasure or revenge. <strong>What if he/she did time for muder, was out, and claimed to be rehabilitated (i.e. went through extensive therapy, etc)</strong>?
Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

<div>No. I'm not saying that I won't allow them to go on and have a normal life or that I doubt they could change, but I wouldn't want to get into that whole mess.</div>

Denise91980

I think like most people said, I think it would depend on the situation. If they were a sociopath, or killed someone because they were reckless, no way. If they were a cop or in the military, or did it out of self-defense or to protect the defense of someone they love, then I may.

[Deleted User]

MOB WIVES!

Denise91980

If they killed an animal, on purpose...I would run in the opposite direction.

MRSBJS

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:59e06bb2-e417-4761-9032-260955f33ad0Post:781f2566-1b18-483a-9df5-5d3733abb1f5">Re: Would you</a>:
[QUOTE]can i ask a piggyback question nates? would you continue to date someone you were already dating if they killed someone while you were dating? or if it happened before but you didnt find out until you were already knee deep?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I used to be close friends with someone who killed a man. She hit him with her car, purely an accident. And when I say accident, I mean she wasn't driving drunk or under the influence of anything. She didn't see him. I felt bad for what she was going through legally, knowing she didn't do it intentionally, but it was hard for me to be friends with her after that, because I couldn't help but to think "What if that had been my father/brother/son/husband?" Which may make me a bad friend, but it is what it is.

Nina0528

murderer-nope
cop/military-sure
self-defense-I think I would have to know the situation

undyingmizery

As far as therapy I would still have that little voice saying  OMG HES GOING TO KILL ME IN MY SLEEEEEEP. So with it becoming a trust issue that wouldn't go away I would say no.
I tend to over think things and imagine the worst case scenarios most of the time. It's an odd way of thinking but it happens. I would constantly be wondering how he/she could do that mentally, if they will just "snap" again one day or something. My biological Mother is a "recovered" felon and you know what? I just can't look at her and even try to trust her in all honesty.

Denise91980

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:59e06bb2-e417-4761-9032-260955f33ad0Post:95fe140a-5a36-47b9-8d07-0ce795994231">Re: Would you</a>:
[QUOTE]MOB WIVES!
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

I could never be a mob wife. If your husband has to lie about everything he is doing in life, why the hell would he be honest with you? KWIM?

ZombieNates

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:59e06bb2-e417-4761-9032-260955f33ad0Post:781f2566-1b18-483a-9df5-5d3733abb1f5">Re: Would you</a>:
[QUOTE]can i ask a piggyback question nates? would you continue to date someone you were already dating if they killed someone while you were dating? or if it happened before but you didnt find out until you were already knee deep?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
Personally, probably not.  I think it would be hard for me because I would feel like I didn't know the person at all, kwim? If he could kill a person in cold blood, what else is he hiding?

Now, if N killed an intruder that was trying to harm us, I think that might be different for me, but I can't say for sure. I know there are cases where even though the "killer" in that sense did what he did for protection, the spouse can't reconcile the image of the SO as someone capable of killing.

cardmonsta

It depends.

I wouldn't hold it against a cop, military person, assisted-suicide doctor/nurse, self-defense, or freak accident person, etc.  There are definitely extenuating circumstances for which I could foresee understanding the situation.

But like everyone else said, legit murderer, wanted to kill for the joy of killing?  No way.

undyingmizery

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:59e06bb2-e417-4761-9032-260955f33ad0Post:781f2566-1b18-483a-9df5-5d3733abb1f5">Re: Would you</a>:
[QUOTE]can i ask a piggyback question nates? would you continue to date someone you were already dating if they killed someone while you were dating? or if it happened before but you didnt find out until you were already knee deep?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

No as I said before I just couldn't look at the person the same way nor trust them again. It would remain in the back of my head forever throughout the relationship. Unless it was in military or such. I have many friends that I know in the service and just knowing the reasoning behind it makes it different to think about.

Denise91980

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:59e06bb2-e417-4761-9032-260955f33ad0Post:cccee053-46dc-464e-a75b-b9a3429e03c9">Re: Would you</a>:
[QUOTE]What if he/she did time for muder, was out, and claimed to be rehabilitated (i.e. went through extensive therapy, etc)?
Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

No. Sadly, even though I am in the field, I don't think sociopaths could be rehabilitated. It if were for drunk driving, I may consider it after therapy and rehabilitation...but it would take much consideration.

ZombieNates

Ha, mob wives.

I asked N the same question and he said what you said, Mizry.  He would be afraid that I'd turn on him at some point.

pirategal03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:59e06bb2-e417-4761-9032-260955f33ad0Post:f586bc22-09a3-461b-91af-4fc579dc46e2">Re: Would you</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would you : Personally, probably not.  I think it would be hard for me because I would feel like I didn't know the person at all, kwim? If he could kill a person in cold blood, what else is he hiding? Now, if N killed an intruder that was trying to harm us, I think that might be different for me, but I can't say for sure. <strong>I know there are cases where even though the "killer" in that sense did what he did for protection, the spouse can't reconcile the image of the SO as someone capable of killing.</strong>
Posted by ZombieNates[/QUOTE]

I think I'd be one of those spouses.  I don't doubt that H would shoot someone in self defence/protection of me or our hypothetical future kids, but I don't know how I would deal with it.  Probably not well.

cardmonsta

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-15?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:59e06bb2-e417-4761-9032-260955f33ad0Post:781f2566-1b18-483a-9df5-5d3733abb1f5">Re: Would you</a>:
[QUOTE]can i ask a piggyback question nates? would you continue to date someone you were already dating if they killed someone while you were dating? or if it happened before but you didnt find out until you were already knee deep?
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm pretty sure this is one of the definitions for a deal-breaker.</div>

Brandiewine11

If it was genuinely an accident, done in the course of a job, protecting yourself or someone else, then yes, I would. If it was someone being reckless or murder, no.

Just curious, what if the person did something dumb when they were young (like got in a fight and the person hit their head and died, etc)...I guess its murder, but it was maybe an accident and not intentional? Not sure...

ZombieNates

I know this came up a while back, but what would be a deal breaker crime for you (collective)?