Can we do a funny things kids say thread?

maratea

Or, anything that you've read on FB recently (AATB!). Mostly I just wanted to post this because it's hilarious. Background: My friend is talking to her 5-year-old.

Monty: "Next year for my birthday I want to have a weeds hanging out party." Me: "Whaaa??" Monty: "You know. We'll get weeds from the flower field and tape them to our arms. And then drink pretend beer out of empty beer bottles and hang out. Weeds Hangin' Out Party. That's what I want."

This kid is seriously the funniest person I've met. I don't know where he comes up with this random stuff.

J&K10910

Ha! 

My ex-boss's kid was 4 at this time.  He was helping me take some empty cardboard boxes out to the recycling.  He was dragging a box bigger than him full of smaller boxes to the back door and I was helping a customer.  All of a sudden from the back of the store we hear "GODDAMNIT MOTHER FUUCKER!" from his little voice.  I went back there and said "WHAT did you say?!" and he repeats, calm as can be "I SAID goddamnit mother fucker!"  And I said "But those are naughty words and you shouldn't say them."  He responded "But I GOTTA!" and, of course, I asked why he had to, and he said "Because this stupid box is a mother fuucker, and it tipped over, goddamnit!"  I just looked at him, and repeated "Those are naughty words, DON'T say them again." and walked away.

slubkin

My friend posted this as her status today (about her 1 year old daughter and her husband):

"Bella's new table has a compartment that can store little things, like Cheerios, and ever since Steve put Cheerios in there, she's been opening and closing that thing like it has all the answers to life."

Her husband's comment on this status:

"Put more cheerios in it."

maratea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-funny-things-kids-say-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:61667928-e3e7-43aa-8f15-b31cf6e6e18bPost:02eabbd9-5f9d-402f-bdb2-bbd8e661262d">Re: Can we do a funny things kids say thread?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ha!  My ex-boss's kid was 4 at this time.  He was helping me take some empty cardboard boxes out to the recycling.  He was dragging a box bigger than him full of smaller boxes to the back door and I was helping a customer.  All of a sudden from the back of the store we hear "GODDAMNIT MOTHER FUUCKER!" from his little voice.  I went back there and said "WHAT did you say?!" and he repeats, calm as can be "I SAID goddamnit mother fucker!"  And I said "But those are naughty words and you shouldn't say them."  He responded "But I GOTTA!" and, of course, I asked why he had to, and he said "Because this stupid box is a mother fuucker, and it tipped over, goddamnit!"  I just looked at him, and repeated "Those are naughty words, DON'T say them again." and walked away.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I am laughing so hard I'm crying. Little kids swearing is, well bad, but so funny too.

zippityb

My sister's FB status about my nephews:

(Older nephew) told me there was a fire drill at school today, but the note in (younger nephew's) backpack said "(Younger nephew) pulled the fire alarm in PE today."

LesPaul

My daughter used to say 'This little piggy went to Target".  She didn't know what 'market' meant, but she sure knew all about Target.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

This isn't really that bad... except it comes from a FB friend of mine who is constantly airing her dirty laundry on her FB.

My personal life is none of your business...and YOURS is of no interest to me!!

A year ago one of my little cousins told one of my sisters, "Dana, you're as beautiful as a rainbow."  That was cute.

Said sister used to say horrible things when she herself was a little one though.  She told a close family friend of ours, "You have really ugly hair."  And to my dear grandma?  "You have lots of wax in your ears."

KaylaSue19

I should document more things that DS says. His little 2 year old brain comes up with the most random things. Unfortunately nothing good comes to mind at the moment.

[Deleted User]

My brother was the best at hilarious comments when he was a kid. These are probably funnier if you were there.

After watching Independence Day when it first came out with family, he holds up an action figure and shouts, "Let's get those alien a$$holes!" then starts running around the house.

On vacation with family when he was 4 or so, he suddenly says, 'Damn I gotta go pee, where's that dang commode."

On the beach he jumps into an old sandcastle and yells, "Look mom, my very own whore house!" (he meant to say horror house).

And finally, we went to see Baby's Day Out in the theater. Just after the ape attacked the bad guy, he screams as loud as he could, "I like the part where the money went ROAR!!!" Everyone cracked up but my mom was so embarrassed.

LesPaul

"My personal life is none of your business...and YOURS is of no interest to me!!"

Yeah - so that's why you're posting it all over FB.  Ha. 

ReneeJacob

Lol these are all so funny.

My SILs 3 year old son asked her if I "poop". Apparently after meeting me he didn't think I looked like a pooper.

My 7 year old niece told me "I hope I look like you when I'm old." I'm 28. Um, thank you?

My sister was holding her friend's 3-year old daughter and the little girl looked at my sisters chest and said "Where are your boobies?"

AllAboutTheBenjamin

He's not a child, but one of our best men comes up with real gems when he's wasted.  Here's a sample:

"I'm falling in LOVE, and I'm 25 years old!"

"I gotta go outside and shiit on a cheerio."

"Rocks get hot in the fire."

"My lips taste crooked."

[Deleted User]

Oh, and another one. We were in line at Walmart when Brother was little, and we were behind a very large woman with huge boobs. He was sitting in the cart and all of a sudden asked, "Excuse me, how do you wash your armpits?" God that was embarrassing. Luckily she just laughed it off.

slubkin

I should add a story about my half brother.  I was 12ish when this happened and didn't witness it personally but my dad and stepmom used to tell this story to their friends a lot when my brother was still relatively young.

He was 2ish and pottytraining.  He headed into the bathroom and my stepmom asked, "Do you need any help?".

He looked out the door and said, "All I need is a little privacy," and then slammed the bathroom door closed.

dmiller9274

My BF's little girl is 4, and so adorable, but she is the queen of drama.  Just a couple of weeks ago she said to BF, "Mom, member how you told E to not touch the scissors? well he's touching them, want me to tell him he's going to get his ass beat?"

BF has curly hair and when she straightens it her daughter says "Why are you wearing Aunt Dara hair?"

I love that kid. 

maratea

From the same friend: "After Agatha (her daughter) hits me with a toy, Monty says, "No, Agatha! You don't get this toy any more! You have to sleep outside with the dogs. And Jesus!" "

ETA: And another: Monty: "Do you like battles?" Natalie: "No." Monty: "Why NOT?!" Natalie: "Because I'm a girl. Girls don't like battles." Monty: "You're a badass girl, though." Natalie: "Yeah, but not that badass" Monty: "Girls are lame."

DodgersBride

My godson said this while looking in the mirror wearing a hoodie sweater.
"damm I look like Eminem" So my sister ask why do you say that. He says "Because I am white and I have a hood on."

My dad died 12yrs ago so my sister takes my nephews to visit him at the cemetery. Her youngest who is 5 tells her one day, "Mom remember when grandpa Jerry died?" My sister say "yes Ivan I do why?" He says " I do, I remember I was in your stomach and I was really sad and I cried"

I have more. These two are 5&6 going on 25.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-funny-things-kids-say-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:61667928-e3e7-43aa-8f15-b31cf6e6e18bPost:10a0c772-1747-4fcf-b7ff-832dc4f70765">Re: Can we do a funny things kids say thread?</a>:
[QUOTE]He's not a child, but one of our best men comes up with real gems when he's wasted.  Here's a sample: "I'm falling in LOVE, and I'm 25 years old!" "I gotta go outside and shiit on a cheerio." "Rocks get hot in the fire." "My lips taste crooked."
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

My H does this when he's asleep. If you wake him up just enough that he can talk but is still asleep, he is hilarious. Last night:

Me: "H, lets go to bed" (he was on the couch)
H: "But...what about the noodles?"
Me: what noodles? Let's go to bed.
H: it's like a whole mile to swim.
Me: come on, I'll help you. Get up.
H: are there sharks?
Me: Nope, just Sir Whisky.
H: Oh..wanna have sex?
Me: No, I want to go to bed.
H: I love your face.


This is typical when I wake him up like that and I die laughing every time.

jessienjeremy

My friend and I were at wal mart with her 2 boys. One was 5 and the other 7 at the time. THe youngest had a birthday coming up and kept pointing at a bike saying "mom i want this one for my birthday". He said it like 5 times. Well on the fifth time he hit the bike kinda hard. All the sudden all the bikes start falling like dominos. Her 5 year old just goes "OHHH SHIIIIIIIITTTTTT" Really loud..

My freind and I looked around.. thank fully no one was around. So we grabbed her two boys and bolted.. cracking up the hole time. She was also trying to tell her son cursing is bad.. while dying laughing.

LesPaul

I've told this one before, but it cracks me up.  My daughter was 7, and I guess I had complained at home that I didn't like the wine they used at church for communion.  So she walks up to Father Paul after services one day and tells him "You really should find a nice merlot".

AllAboutTheBenjamin

On the kids swearing:

When I was 2 (and this is captured on tape) I was sitting in my high chair eating pie, and my grandma mentioned about how she bought me my first tootsie roll earlier that day.

I replied, "No, it's not a tootsie roll, it's a fucking tootsie roll!"  ...she goes, "A what!?" 
"It's a fucking tootsie roll."

My parents never use that word so they have no idea where I heard it.

LesPaul

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-funny-things-kids-say-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:61667928-e3e7-43aa-8f15-b31cf6e6e18bPost:70597c52-caf4-4ce4-9365-5f2478410c03">Re: Can we do a funny things kids say thread?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can we do a funny things kids say thread? : My H does this when he's asleep. If you wake him up just enough that he can talk but is still asleep, he is hilarious. Last night: Me: "H, lets go to bed" (he was on the couch) H: "But...what about the noodles?" Me: what noodles? Let's go to bed. H: it's like a whole mile to swim. Me: come on, I'll help you. Get up. H: are there sharks? Me: Nope, just Sir Whisky. H: Oh..wanna have sex? Me: No, I want to go to bed. H: I love your face. This is typical when I wake him up like that and I die laughing every time.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

That is hilarious.  I would probably half-wake him up all the time just to hear him ramble.

DodgersBride

OK so I know a lot of ppl don't like poop FB status updates but I found myself laughing at this one.

My cousin is potty training her daughter and this is her FB status update:

As Aly sits on the toilet struggling to poo, I tell her u know what u need to do (me thinking, drink more water) she goes "yeah, take a deep breath, relax, and let it out!!!" ROTFLMAO!! I have NO idea where this girl gets this stuff....

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-funny-things-kids-say-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:61667928-e3e7-43aa-8f15-b31cf6e6e18bPost:b1402a3a-b26d-47e2-b98c-8da8d8425425">Re: Can we do a funny things kids say thread?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can we do a funny things kids say thread? : That is hilarious.  I would probably half-wake him up all the time just to hear him ramble.
Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

I admit, I do. Especially if he's had a few beers. It's a lot of fun and keeps me entertained. One of my favorites was after we'd just wanted Pirates of the Caribbean on TV and when I woke him up, he said "But...why is all the rum gone?" I said, "Jack Sparrow drank it all" and he answered "Damn pirate. I'm taking his ship."

Ah, I love sleeptalking with H.

mrscarter052011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-funny-things-kids-say-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:61667928-e3e7-43aa-8f15-b31cf6e6e18bPost:131c1596-34ae-4aea-b7bf-0e920f395e80">Re: Can we do a funny things kids say thread?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi. I lurk.  And I think this board is hilarious... and this string, so I have to add... My 3 year old, while watching a football game with her father (my FI) said "Are you f****g kidding me???" when a flag was thrown... she has no idea what the flags are, she just know that's when her dad says that. Also, my sister, who was 6 at the time was at the grocery store with me.  She had a love affair with the movie "Home Alone" mind you.  She could barely see over the counter at this age, and I had just paid for the groceries... she looks at the clerk and (with a straight face) says "keep the change you filthy animal."  It.was.hilarious. Oh, and hey SB!!  I'm Brianna.  :)
Posted by bsn1752[/QUOTE]

LOL and welcome.

SarahPLiz

The latest from my friend with the funniest kid:

's son asked to borrow a spider from the sensory tub and was told "NO." Today he came to the door, showed me a toy bug hidden in his hand and said, "Let's just go."

He's autistic, but he's also a hoot and a half. 

slubkin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_can-funny-things-kids-say-thread?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:61667928-e3e7-43aa-8f15-b31cf6e6e18bPost:70597c52-caf4-4ce4-9365-5f2478410c03">Re: Can we do a funny things kids say thread?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Can we do a funny things kids say thread? : My H does this when he's asleep. If you wake him up just enough that he can talk but is still asleep, he is hilarious. Last night: Me: "H, lets go to bed" (he was on the couch) H: "But...what about the noodles?" Me: what noodles? Let's go to bed. H: it's like a whole mile to swim. Me: come on, I'll help you. Get up. H: are there sharks? Me: Nope, just Sir Whisky. H: Oh..wanna have sex? Me: No, I want to go to bed. H: I love your face. This is typical when I wake him up like that and I die laughing every time.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]
OMG that sounds like me.  I've cussed FI out in my sleep before.  Apparently once I asked him when he came up if he had the roster (I was working at a place where I had to have a roster in hand before I started my groups) and when he said no, I told him he was no good to me and he should go away.  He's never let me forget it.