I have to vent.

MrsL2014

Okay so FI and I have been together for 2 of my birthdays and I didn't get anything for either of them. Of course it is kind of disappointing because I have put a lot of thought into the gifts I got for him. Anyways for my graduation he said he was going to take me for a weekend away, I am all excited and then it never happens. For my birthday he says he is finally going to take me for a weekend away, it never happens. Then last week he said he was taking me for a weekend away this weekend, and it never happens.

So yeah, I am a bit disappointed. Then his mother who's bday is a few days after mine asks him to give her $50 for her bday so she can get a puppy. He did say no to this because I felt it is wrong of him to give her money for another dog when she isn't properly taking care of the 3 she already has. But his dads bday is in a few weeks and his dad then ask my FI to get him some $80 saw and FI says he will.

Am I crazy for 1) being upset that he is willing to spend all this money on his family's bdays but nothing for me? And 2) for thinking it is completely inappropriate of his parents to ask him for gifts in the first place, and especially gifts that are that expensive?

Also, twin sisters each asked if we were going to get them each an iPod touch for their bdays, and his brother asked for us to get him a ps3
My mind is just completely blown here. Thanks for letting me vent.

anna.oskar

And what have you said to your FI about him bailing on these vacations?

brilibby4

Have you talked to him about how hurt it makes you when he bails?  What were his excuses?

LP11509

Talk to him.  It's possible that he just doesn't realize how upset you are.  Can't expect someone to fix a problem if they don't know about it, KWIM?

And it makes me sad that are adults in this world who think it is appropriate to demand money/gifts from other people.   

KateJ10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-have-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67a8b329-3303-4488-93a5-9f30ab516850Post:0c452d79-2f47-4b28-a789-8fc17f46c334">Re: I have to vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]Talk to him.  It's possible that he just doesn't realize how upset you are.  Can't expect someone to fix a problem if they don't know about it, KWIM? <strong>And it makes me sad that are adults in this world who think it is appropriate to demand money/gifts from other people. </strong>  
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

<div>wait, that isn't appropriate?  :)</div><div>
</div><div>OP be sure talk to him about your expectations of him. That would piss me off as well, but I wouldn't let it slide. </div>

MrsL2014

He knows how disappointing it is for me, but when it comes time to pay for it he doesn't have the funds. Which of course I understand, it is just really hard when I am all pumped up about it then find out we can't go.

willywally5

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-have-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67a8b329-3303-4488-93a5-9f30ab516850Post:0c452d79-2f47-4b28-a789-8fc17f46c334">Re: I have to vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]Talk to him.  It's possible that he just doesn't realize how upset you are.  Can't expect someone to fix a problem if they don't know about it, KWIM? <strong>And it makes me sad that are adults in this world who think it is appropriate to demand money/gifts from other people.  </strong> 
Posted by LP11509[/QUOTE]

<div>I am not sure if these iPod- and video game-demanding siblings she is talking about are adults or not. But if they are kids, it's just as bad. You don't just say,"Hey, get me this for my birthday/Christmas/whatever." and expect it. Gah. Manners have just gone out the window, I swear. </div>

anna.oskar

I'd tell him  that if he's going to promise stuff and not follow through, it's better if he just never tells you.  That way is her DOES do it, it'll be a great surprise.

If it was my H though, I'd tell him to cut that crap out.  Now.

Loopyseven

What has he said when you've talked to him about these frustruations?  If he's spending $ on b-day gifts for his family and skipping out on my b-day due to lack of funds then I'd say he has a priority problem. It's you and him as a team now, now him and his parents/sibs with you just tagging along for funsies.

tidetravel

Is he asking these people what they want for their birthdays?  Demanding an IPOD for one's birthday without prompt is completely different than asking someone what they want for their birthday and them replying, "I'd really like an IPOD." 

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-have-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:67a8b329-3303-4488-93a5-9f30ab516850Post:e2e0b6fe-192b-47f7-a311-563f8cade1d2">Re: I have to vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]Is he asking these people what they want for their birthdays?  Demanding an IPOD for one's birthday without prompt is completely different than asking someone what they want for their birthday and them replying, "I'd really like an IPOD." 
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

Nope it is they call us and say do you want to get us thing for my birthday.

gailpete

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-have-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:67a8b329-3303-4488-93a5-9f30ab516850Post:a2da61f0-8b72-424c-985b-ce4f0589a611">Re: I have to vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I have to vent. : Nope it is they call us and say do you want to get us thing for my birthday.
Posted by MrsL2014[/QUOTE]

And that should be when he replies "No.".

catsai2386

I am sorry but if he keeps dissappointing you, it isn't going to change when you get married. The way I see it is you have 2 options; 1. you can stay with him and accept that he will keep backing out of giving you a weekend away and birthday gifts or 2. you can let him know how you feel and if nothing changes, you move on to someone who will make you happy and give you what you need and want.
I do not think I have ever had to force my fiance into getting me a birthday gift or taking me away for a weekend because he just likes doing those things and seeing me happy. It's the same reason I do things for him.
Sorry to hear your upset.

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-have-to-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:67a8b329-3303-4488-93a5-9f30ab516850Post:63a7599e-b5f8-4790-a287-f1ed3c9e5a0b">Re: I have to vent.</a>:
[QUOTE]I am sorry but if he keeps dissappointing you, it isn't going to change when you get married. The way I see it is you have 2 options; 1. you can stay with him and accept that he will keep backing out of giving you a weekend away and birthday gifts or 2. you can let him know how you feel and if nothing changes, you move on to someone who will make you happy and give you what you need and want. I do not think<strong> I have ever had to force my fiance into getting me a birthday gift or taking me away for a weekend</strong> because he just likes doing those things and seeing me happy. It's the same reason I do things for him. Sorry to hear your upset.
Posted by catsai2386[/QUOTE]

To make things clear, I would never force him to do any of this. But if he says he is going to take me, then it is disappointing when he backs out because of financial reasons, but he has enough money to get these gifts that his parents and siblings had asked him to get for them.

vbjoanna

I know the point is for him to take you on a weekend getaway because he keeps saying he will, but what about this option: YOU take the two of you on a weekend getaway. I'm a pretty independently minded person, and if I want to go on a weekend getaway with my FI, you can be sure we'll be heading out of town. Would I love for him to do it to be romantic - sure. Would I like him to whisk me off my feet as if he were Prince Charming? Yeah. But I'm a grown woman and I know that sometimes if you want something done, you've got to do it yourself.

Maybe your FI is actually intimidated by the planning, and uses finances as the reason when he doesn't follow through. Maybe he's afraid that what he plans will disappoint you, and then he'll be out the dollars and still not have made you as happy as he was wanting to. Those kinds of issues, or whatever might actually be at play, will only come out by talking about it and establishing what's really important to you -- both about how your birthday is marked and these promises of things that never come to fruition. 

You can still have that weekend getaway, and it might be a good time for the two of you to discuss your visions and expectations for the future.