Do you invite? (deleted)

alynne1113

Got my answer, thank you ladies!

LetsHikeToday

Well, my best friend and my other friends weren't part of the same group of friends. My best friend lived an hour away and my other fiends lived close and were my coworkers. If I was having a big party, then I'd invite best friend but if it was a smaller gathering with the other group, I wouldn't always invite her. Same goes with her inviting me. She had her group of friends that I wasn't part of. Sometimes I'd be invited and sometimes not. If this group is not friends with your best friend then you don't need to invite her. But if they are part of the same group then I could see why she'd feel slighted.

Starmusica

Is she friends with all of these other people? If so- then excluding her simply because she is single is crappy.

However- you are ALLOWED to have different friends and separate groups. It's childish to think that you are somehow a bad friend for having friends outside of her or, more specifically, friends who are not close to her. It's silly if you cannot hang out with other people without her feeling hurt. I am sure she has other friends that you don't know as well, particularly since she lives out of town. Does she invite you everytime she hangs out with them?

alynne1113

No, she has only met two of the couples at the wedding. I think its so hard, because I moved around a lot and never had much friends so she was included in everything I hosted/did for a long time. But now that I am making more friends, since I have been stationary for a little while I do want to do things with other friends.

[Deleted User]

alynne, if i may with my $.02.    

I know it can make you feel kinda squirmy but if this is your best friend, then you're able to tell her the truth.   the pretend i don't know she knows but what if she finds out i know she knows, oy.  you do know she knows, offer her your real feelings (nicely) by explaining:  you might've heard that i'm having a little get together, i'm sorry not to have mentioned it girl, but it's couples only this time, no hard feelings? if she's at all grown, there won't be.    if she's not, your stand your ground rule could be that she's not 1/2 of a couple.   good luck!!

alynne1113

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-invite-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d99f438-c675-467f-bba9-6e3d9b2c3137Post:f15accf1-7052-4cc4-84b7-10959651ae2f">Re: Do you invite? NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]Is she friends with all of these other people? If so- then excluding her simply because she is single is crappy. However- you are ALLOWED to have different friends and separate groups. It's childish to think that you are somehow a bad friend for having friends outside of her or, more specifically, friends who are not close to her. It's silly if you cannot hang out with other people without her feeling hurt. I am sure she has other friends that you don't know as well, particularly since she lives out of town. <strong>Does she invite you everytime she hangs out with them?
</strong>Posted by Starmusica[/QUOTE]

No, she doesn't. And I am more than fine with that, since I don't enjoy a lot of the same things they do. It just seems like she gets upset everytime I have a life away from her...I have a friend who flew in to visit and spend time with me and the whole time she was trying to come over and hang out with us and was a little upset when I told her I just wanted some time with my friend since we hadnt seen each other in years and she was only in town for a short while.

Starmusica

if she barely knows anyone it would be more weird if she DID come.....

I honestly wouldn't bothering discussing it with her as it bears no discussion. You are adults and can spend time with others. If she brings it up, then I guess be honest. This kind of stuff is so awkward.... it should be obvious. Honestly- I am SURE this girl has friends over when you are not around. It's insane to think ALL of your friends should be combined all of the time. As you get older you make friends in different places- work, school, parenting etc. All of these friends have different interests and mushing them all together is probably not possible.

Starmusica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_do-you-invite-nwr?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6d99f438-c675-467f-bba9-6e3d9b2c3137Post:def87989-d543-4f4f-91f5-ff361fcb04ee">Re: Do you invite? NWR</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do you invite? NWR : No, she doesn't. And I am more than fine with that, since I don't enjoy a lot of the same things they do. It just seems like she gets upset everytime I have a life away from her...I have a friend who flew in to visit and spend time with me and the whole time she was trying to come over and hang out with us and was a little upset when I told her I just wanted some time with my friend since we hadnt seen each other in years and she was only in town for a short while.
Posted by alynne1113[/QUOTE]


ugh- that doesn't sound healthy :-/. It's WONDERFUL that she love you so much that she wants to be involved in everything you do but it's also unhealthy. You need to be able to do your own things as well. You may end up having to talk about this eventually, particularly if she hangs out with others and doesn't invite you. It's incredibly unfair of her to get upset with you for exhibiting the same behavior.

Blueyed228

My (ex?) best friend isnt in the same group as my larger group of friends, just as im not in the same group as her wild single friends.  I never felt bad about doing things with the different groups and there were times when we hosted BBQ's and stuff and all the different groups were invited.  She also never invited me out to the clubs/bars with her and her single friends.

alynne1113

Thanks everyone for the advice. I don't know why I feel so bad, I sometimes think she might feel that we are growing apart since I have changed a lot in the past couple years, plus I know she is lonley but I can't feel guilty every time I want to have other friends.

I wont say anything and if she brings it up, ill just be all, oh yeah, im having a some couples over from work/the town we live in, and bring up that we are planning a BBQ in june for everyone to come.