Money question (advice)

rxjen

As most of you know I am a Pharmacist and the profession pays decently.I am a recent grad about 2 years and I still have an insane amount of money owed on student loans . I do sometimes worry about money and stress out about it.Fi always tells me not to worry and he says that if I need any money to just ask him and he will give it to me.I have not asked him for money yet but I may need to ask him soon,I am worried sick! I hate asking for money, we do not live together but he still reassures me that we are going to be a family and that is what they do....Am I being crazy about worrying??

[Deleted User]

Worrying about what, exactly? Money in general? Most people worry about finances. If you're worried about asking your FI for money, then I say don't. He's right. I ask H for money if I'm tight that month to cover a bill or my half of rent, and vice versa.

MeaghanandMichael

Yeah I really don't think this is thaaat abnormal or crazy. It is life. We all go through it.

I would say ask for the money, but that is how my relationship is. It really would be hard for us to tell you what you should do because you know the comfort level and context these issues come up in. If he is offering, why not? I wouldn't see it as a blemish on your independence but a credit to the willingness to support each other as family. You would do the same for him, right?

beatlesgirl25

I'd be worried if I didn't have a long-term loan repayment plan and things of that nature. I agree that it's natural to worry about finances. But that's on a huge spectrum, because you also have people who worry about not having enough money to buy food or enough oil for winter. I don't know anyone who doesn't worry to some degree, regardless of their situation.

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_money-question-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6f002ddc-31c6-4992-914a-0d240d8dc778Post:bf4b154d-324e-4145-95e1-709a0741e866">Re: Money question (advice)</a>:
[QUOTE]Worrying about what, exactly? Money in general? Most people worry about finances. If you're worried about asking your FI for money, then I say don't. He's right. I ask H for money if I'm tight that month to cover a bill or my half of rent, and vice versa.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

<div>Ditto Sesh. Don't feel bad about asking for a little help. I know my FI has pounded it into my head that we're a family and it's OUR money now. FWIW, he has a lot of student loans as well, and I have no problem with the money I'll be earning going towards paying that off. The faster it's paid off, the closer we are to having a house, being able to afford a baby, etc.</div>

kd.joseph

I know what you mean about asking. As someone who has brought a lot of debt with her, I basically work to pay off that debt. And I find myself short from time to time. I hated asking DH to borrow money. But after I had to do it a few times, it's gotten easier.

He's my husband, and he wants me out of debt as much as I do, so that I can put the money I earn towards something more productive, like savings.

I get where you are coming from, but I know where he is coming from too. Bite the bullet if you need to.

rxjen

I just have a weird money issue,even when I was a teen I had a hard time asking my mom for money.....I have a major bill coming up that I am worried sick about.I would give him money in a heartbeat but I am embarrassed to ask...

brilibby4

Fi and I live together and share finances/money so I'm in a different situation than you.  However, my advice is that If you aren't 100% comfortable asking him for money then I say don't. 

rxjen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_money-question-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:6f002ddc-31c6-4992-914a-0d240d8dc778Post:f4ae01af-fbf4-4d45-abf7-73febc948511">Re: Money question (advice)</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd be worried if I didn't have a<strong> long-term loan repayment plan</strong> and things of that nature. I agree that it's natural to worry about finances. But that's on a huge spectrum, because you also have people who worry about not having enough money to buy food or enough oil for winter. I don't know anyone who doesn't worry to some degree, regardless of their situation.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

This what he tells me..... He says " if you feel so bad about the money then just pay me later or put it towards the wedding account or whatever"....

DodgersBride

I agree with M&M that we can't really tell you what to do here. All we can do is tell you what we would do in our relationships given that situation.

FI helped me when I had a huge medical bills from a time I spent in the hospital when we weren't even together. My insurance sucked and I had to cover about 30% of total cost. It took me about 2yrs to pay off. 

I felt uncertain about it at first since he wasn't even in the picture when it happen,but he said to me that we are family now and whatever issue or problems I am going through he is too.

Bkseller13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_money-question-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:6f002ddc-31c6-4992-914a-0d240d8dc778Post:def47f5e-5a77-4b64-82b4-3d1f2d77ef78">Money question (advice)</a>:
[QUOTE]Fi always tells me not to worry and he says that if I need any money to just ask him and he will give it to me.I have not asked him for money yet but I may need to ask him soon,I am worried sick! I hate asking for money, we do not live together but he still reassures me that we are going to be a family and that is what they do....Posted by rxjen[/QUOTE]
If you get to where you need to borrow money, you could do the whole (informal) promissory note.  It just makes it a little more businesslike.  Then you won't feel like you're taking advantage of your FI.  I've had to borrow from my dad and since my brother burned him, I had no problem doing a promissory note.  I paid him back X dollars per month and we both knew what was expected.  I know it sounds impersonal, but maybe that's what you need to alleviate your worries. 

rxjen

Thank you ladies )

The advice helps, I just wanted an outsider opinion! I am going to ask him next week...

kaitlyn142

Making the transition from "my money, your money. my debts, your debts" to "our money, our debts" is TOUGH. My FI and I make the same amount of money, but my student loans are significantly higher. On the flip side, I am good at saving money, and more than once I've learned he's racked up $$$ in CC debt.

You just have to find a transition that works for you. It'll become easier once you are living together and the finances start getting muddled.

tinydancer842

Halfway through our engagement me & DH merged our finances so we wouldn't have to worry about it after we got married. We also lived together & I was the only one earning any income (he was in law school). At that time (even though we were not married) it was OUR money...as it was going to be soon anyways. We always help each other out & while I was earning the money he did all the cooking/food shopping/errands. I think the best thing you can do is accept the money & pay him back in other ways if you can't do so financially right now. In the end your money will be his & your debts will be his as well. 

sister2groom

I mean, if you need money you need it. I wouldn't go crazy on early Christmas shopping afterwards, but if I was actually not sure I couldn't pay bills and it was temporary and a relatively small amount, then I probably would go to family or friends, which would include your FI. Also, if, for example, you're running up CC debt with tons of interest and you and FI are going to combine finances when you get married, then that would be a pretty good reason to borrow money from him.