Prenuptial Agreements

Shaye526

NP's thread on debt made me think of this. I get that it can be a very smart thing to do in some cases, just in case. But at the same time I almost feel like you're planning for the worst possible outcome.

Thoughts? Please discuss...

J&K10910

You're also planning for death of one of you.  We're not doing one, but I think they're smart. 

aprovencher21

I think they are smart.

We are having one well we already have an agreement in place that will continue and be slightly altered by us finally being legally married......but its been in place for years now.  As I said in the other thread I helped pay off his credit card debt and now he's supporting me while I go to school because of this situation we had a legal agreement in place years ago.  He, by being older and a veteran, had the credit and loan power to buy our house but I had the money.  Without this agreement in place if we broke up or divorced it would be a bitch to seperate all of our property. 

JennaV26

I wouldn't sign one if I was asked to because if there was a chance I thought our marriage would end, I wouldn't be getting married. Many people will say that makes me foolish. Oh well.

Luckily (or unluckily??) DH and I didn't have that any assets at the time of our marriage that needed protecting with a pre-nup.

katiewhompus

I think it makes sense if you are walking into the relationship with very unequal financial circumstances. Scott and I were equally broke, so we didn't worry about it. If we split now he would get my car (in his name) and we would probably sell the house and take half since neither one of us could afford to live here.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_prenuptial-agreements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7443a27f-5e1c-47fb-ad1d-b1a4b5ae7890Post:de4a47e9-2669-4597-ac7d-e359dda27ad3">Re: Prenuptial Agreements</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't sign one if I was asked to because if there was a chance I thought our marriage would end, I wouldn't be getting married. Many people will say that makes me foolish. Oh well. Luckily (or unluckily??) DH and I didn't have that any assets at the time of our marriage that needed protecting with a pre-nup.
Posted by JennaV26[/QUOTE]

My opinion as well.  FI finds it unneccessary.  Ex BF (let's call him super huge jerk face..and not because of this reason) if we were to be married we would definatley have to sign one cuz he makes oh soo much money (big whoop...he was just a super huge jerk face)

[Deleted User]

I'm fine with them. H and I were gong to do one, but never got around to it. We are going to look into a kind of post-nup agreement regarding our respective businesses. I was selling books and he had his own business before we ever met, so if we ever have substantial assets we've agreed we want them protected.

Better safe than sorry. I know some people argue you're setting yourself up for divorce, but I'm a firm believer in "anything can happen" and we don't let the "happily ever after" love bubble blind us from that. We're painfully practical at times, I guess.

JennaV26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_prenuptial-agreements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7443a27f-5e1c-47fb-ad1d-b1a4b5ae7890Post:7933691d-47d2-41a8-baca-018d36860873">Re: Prenuptial Agreements</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Prenuptial Agreements : My opinion as well.  FI finds it unneccessary.  Ex BF (let's call him super huge jerk face..and not because of this reason) if we were to be married we would definatley have to sign one cuz he makes oh soo much money (big whoop...he was just a super huge jerk face)
Posted by *tiffbot*1985*[/QUOTE]

I have a few Ex Super Huge Jerk Faces myself!

number55

we aren't having one. He would benefit more than I frankly but either way, I would never have one. I don't care what others do but it isn't my type of thing.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_prenuptial-agreements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7443a27f-5e1c-47fb-ad1d-b1a4b5ae7890Post:c4310044-827a-43df-ada7-1a8747842041">Re: Prenuptial Agreements</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Prenuptial Agreements : I have a few Ex Super Huge Jerk Faces myself!
Posted by JennaV26[/QUOTE]

hmm..funny how those guys always seem to find nice girls like ourselves!

Lenore2010

I don't judge people who want to do one, but we did not.

After much discussion, we decided we were in this for the long haul, and we did not need to be protected from one another.

The lawyer in me also must note, prenups frequently are contested in divorce proceedings, and many do not stand up in court. They are not the "sign and all is settled" that many people believe them to be.

katiewhompus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_prenuptial-agreements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7443a27f-5e1c-47fb-ad1d-b1a4b5ae7890Post:69e769ee-1972-4c06-88ec-e1178b295c71">Re: Prenuptial Agreements</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm fine with them. H and I were gong to do one, but never got around to it. We are going to look into a kind of post-nup agreement regarding our respective businesses. I was selling books and he had his own business before we ever met, so if we ever have substantial assets we've agreed we want them protected. Better safe than sorry. I know some people argue you're setting yourself up for divorce, but I'm a firm believer in "anything can happen" and we don't let the "happily ever after" love bubble blind us from that. We're painfully practical at times, I guess.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

I think that's just smart. When we moved in together we did have the animal talk. In the event of a relationship we would both leave with the animals we brought into the relationship. I would ask for Diamond now though, because she's turned into a momma's girl.
My last breakup was a divorce without the legal part. We had to determine custody of the rats (he bought them but I cared for them) and he tried to say that Demon was his since we lived together for so long (asss). We also had to determine furniture, computer stuff, and a few other things that we had purchased together. That sucked in itself, and it was an amicable breakup. I can't imagine if things got nasty and trying to deal with that.

LesPaul

I think they can be a good idea, depending on the circumstances. DH and I don't have one, but I would not have been offended if he wanted one.  We're relatively equal regarding asset and pre-existing obligations, so there wasn't a pressing need for one of us to protect pre-marital property.

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_prenuptial-agreements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7443a27f-5e1c-47fb-ad1d-b1a4b5ae7890Post:e392b20b-da8c-42e4-984d-b991c493764f">Re: Prenuptial Agreements</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Prenuptial Agreements : I think that's just smart. When we moved in together we did have the animal talk. In the event of a relationship we would both leave with the animals we brought into the relationship. I would ask for Diamond now though, because she's turned into a momma's girl. My last breakup was a divorce without the legal part. We had to determine custody of the rats (he bought them but I cared for them) and he tried to say that Demon was his since we lived together for so long (asss). We also had to determine furniture, computer stuff, and a few other things that we had purchased together. That sucked in itself, and it was an amicable breakup. I can't imagine if things got nasty and trying to deal with that.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

Not gonna lie.  My two dogs were purchased with a check in my name and Kaylee is born from a dog I own.  I did this intentionally because if we ever break up (heaven forbid) the dogs are MINE.  I might agree to visitation.......but I won't lose my dogs and FI.

brookelynpaisley

If either of us had property that needed to be protected (such as family heirlooms or estates) I would have done one. Since we both pretty much walked in with nothing but furniture and student loans, we don't. I think they're smart - modern prenups cover more than assets, but help to plan for the future, in some ways that a will can.

missy68

I offered, or rather asked, J if he wanted one when we got engaged. The house was his and in his name, he had multiple vehicles, etc.

My divorce had the potential for getting nasty - ex's lawyer first said he wanted half of my retirement he was entitled to (which was a laugh - the court cost to get it would have been more than he would've gotten) AND if he'd pursued it, my lawyer said that would have opened up the entire house to be split. And I bought the bed and the couch, the washer and dryer and fridge were bought with my credit (and I was still paying for them), and I left behind several hundred dollars in our joint account. Never mind the TV, computer, etc. I think that made him back off. I was his "cash cow," mainly because I stayed employed in 1 of 2 places with the exception of my student teaching time, and at that point, my parents transferred the same amount of my paychecks to me every 2 weeks. He, however, had 12 jobs - never 2 at a time.
I've digressed.

J said no.

Blueyed228

I offered to sign one.but fi didn't want one. I think they are a good idea.

vegasgroom

My FI and I are doing one, not that we're worried about getting divorced, more of an insurance policy for others that would be affected by one of us dying.  I have significant business interests that have come from my partner and I working very hard over the past 12 years.  When she (my biz partner) got married, we both agreed that we would both have prenups to protect each other's interest in the business; it would not be fair to either if someone (our spouses) who's had no involvement in our business suddenly owns half of it.  On FI's side, she has family assets that will ultimately be hers but if something happened, those should go to others in her family, not me simply because I was married to her. 

Blueyed228

If you get divorced your spouse can't touch your inheritance anyways.

Shaye526

Hey thanks everyone, a lot of good input here.

It's something FI and I have discussed here and there even before we got engaged. The first time he brought it up I can't lie - I was slightly offended. But the more and more I think about it I can see what a good idea it can be. I'm thinking of it more as an insurance policy.

marriedfilingjointly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_prenuptial-agreements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7443a27f-5e1c-47fb-ad1d-b1a4b5ae7890Post:f749504e-cdca-4f04-869f-df580ced103e">Re: Prenuptial Agreements</a>:
[QUOTE]The lawyer in me also must note, prenups frequently are contested in divorce proceedings, and many do not stand up in court. They are not the "sign and all is settled" that many people believe them to be.
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]


Oh really?  Interesting.  I'd like to know more about that.

We didn't get one, but I think for a lot of people it's a great idea.  Like others have said, divorce is far from the only reason to have a prenup.  If it makes you feel like you are "planning" for divorce, think of it instead as planning for death (we all die!) or protecting your spouse from your debt or for whatever other reason.

marriedfilingjointly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_prenuptial-agreements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7443a27f-5e1c-47fb-ad1d-b1a4b5ae7890Post:ecba7446-fbcf-4925-97e4-b27d5c7e4f3e">Re: Prenuptial Agreements</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Prenuptial Agreements : Not gonna lie.  My two dogs were purchased with a check in my name and Kaylee is born from a dog I own.  I did this intentionally because if we ever break up (heaven forbid) the dogs are MINE.  I might agree to visitation.......but I won't lose my dogs and FI.
Posted by aprovencher21[/QUOTE]


I don't think Wes would fight me for Possum. :)

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_prenuptial-agreements?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7443a27f-5e1c-47fb-ad1d-b1a4b5ae7890Post:adef0adc-3111-46f4-92ad-f9840222103b">Re: Prenuptial Agreements</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Prenuptial Agreements : I don't think Wes would fight me for Possum. :)
Posted by marriedfilingjointly[/QUOTE]
Haha!  My H would fight to not have to keep our cat.

Anysunrise

I wouldn't be surprised if FI had me sign one. I know it'd mostly be at the request of his father, he has a lot of inheritence money that he wants kept in the family.

FI lost a lot of stuff in his breakup from his last ex. They were together for five years, but he finally realized how BSC she was, and had to leave a lot of stuff just to get out. Yeah, she kept it, and then stalked him for a year.  I'm glad I'm not crazy.

leia1979

We would like to get one, just in case. I have more money saved plus my retirement fund. I think my biggest concern is if we buy a house, I will pay for more of it than he will (simply because I have more saved up). It would not be fair for him to get half just because of California community property laws.

We both agree that if something doesn't work out, we should be able to leave with what we came with. We hope we never need it, but I'd rather have that peace of mind just in case.

By the way, risk mitigation is part of both our jobs.