Snarky Brides

Waiting Till Marriage.....

So I'm just curious.....on my month board there appears to be a lot (at least 10-12) brides who are virgins waiting to have sex till after the wedding.  I thought that was quite a high number.  To be honest I don't know anyone IRL who has "saved themselves" for marriage.  Is this common in your area?  Are you saving yourself?  This whole thing on my month board caught my eye and made me think.
«134

Re: Waiting Till Marriage.....

  • I really have no idea about the general population in my area but as far as I know none of my friends are doing so.
  • I didn't and I don't know anyone who did/is, except my sister who is extremely religious..
  • Wait!  Duh!  Scott's best friend!  He is very religious and I see him marrying off soonish.
  • I just was amazed at how many people were waiting.  For me, personally, I'd never marry someone I hadn't slept with =) The idea of figuring out sexual chemistry for the first time after being married sounds AWFUL.
  • I am from MN but I lived in Idaho for middle/high school. A lot of that population is LDS, so I know a lot of people out there who waited, or are still waiting for marriage. They also get married at a pretty young age. I don't know of anyone who chose to wait in MN.
    image
    image
  • I decided from a young age I'd wait, for me it's not only a religious thing, I used to be atheist and even then my mind and heart were set on waiting... Somehow it always seemed natural to me to wait and I don't expect everyone to feel that way, I just always have. My fiance has slept with some of his exs and no I'm not angry and enraged by it at all.. It hurt a touch at first but i got over it in like 5 minutes not even. Guess I'm just trying to say, for some people it seems to be the natural order of things... O and I didn't grow up in an overly religious home if anyone thinks that might be why it seems natural to me, my family has never ever said to me don't have sex before marriage.
  • edited November 2010
    Well. We didn't wait, but my FI and I are eachother's firsts. We didn't plan that or anything, just a happy coincidence I suppose.

    EDIT: And I don't know anyone that has waited. I knew girls in high school that said they were, but that went out the window in college.
    imagepcos ribbon Pictures, Images and Photos Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I don't know anyone.  I know people who married  their first but they had sex before they got married.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_waiting-till-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:78c2729e-4075-40e4-bacb-a25a736aea32Post:7d924a8a-0be7-4651-b94f-2f697d727b08">Re: Waiting Till Marriage.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I don't know anyone.  I know people who married  their first but they had sex before they got married.
    Posted by saschaduran[/QUOTE]

    See I don't think its as unusual to marry your first (though I'm certainly not) but I just don't know how you marry someone without knowing that you are sexual compatible.  Sex isn't everything in a relationship but its certainly very important!
  • Once heard this, the sex doesnt make the relationship work, the relationship makes the sex work.. My fiance and I kiss and stuff so we know the chemistry is there, but if marrying your first what would be different in your chemistry if you waited? but like i said it's just a natural order to me, so maybe thats why i see it differently
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_waiting-till-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:78c2729e-4075-40e4-bacb-a25a736aea32Post:b35d954f-feb5-4463-950b-69d79b7c8da8">Re: Waiting Till Marriage.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]Once heard this, the sex doesnt make the relationship work, the relationship makes the sex work.. My fiance and I kiss and stuff so we know the chemistry is there, but if marrying your first what would be different in your chemistry if you waited? but like i said it's just a natural order to me, so maybe thats why i see it differently
    Posted by Michaela2290[/QUOTE]

    Err I've had amazing sex with someone I had absolutely no relationship with and I've also had an amazing relationship with someone with whom the sex was just average.  Granted I think being in love makes the sex better......but that isn't everything.  Kissing chemistry to me does not equal the same thing as working well in bed together. 
  • i know lots of people who waited...all for religous reasons. one set of friends who are getting married this spring just got engaged a month ago and he had his first kiss with her after proposing! i have some pretty conservative friends. my SO and i  chose not to wait.
  • I know one girl. They were together for 8 years before they got married- although they 'did' everything bar intercourse itself (including oral and using sex toys etc), so I never quite understood why God would be ok with a plastic diick but not ok with the real one. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_waiting-till-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:78c2729e-4075-40e4-bacb-a25a736aea32Post:391ecab7-3af3-4fed-972f-0d626665f4ae">Re: Waiting Till Marriage.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]I know one girl. They were together for 8 years before they got married- although they 'did' everything bar intercourse itself (including oral and using sex toys etc), <font color="#333399">so I never quite understood why God would be ok with a plastic diick but not ok with the real one. 
    </font>Posted by thesuninherhead[/QUOTE]

    HA HA.  So true....that is quite hypocritical and weird.  Dildos are okay but real penis bad.....interesting.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_waiting-till-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:78c2729e-4075-40e4-bacb-a25a736aea32Post:8b9cb92e-5831-4f23-ad96-cf650285abfe">Re: Waiting Till Marriage.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting Till Marriage..... : Err I've had amazing sex with someone I had absolutely no relationship with and I've also had an amazing relationship with someone with whom the sex was just average.  Granted I think being in love makes the sex better......but that isn't everything. <strong> Kissing chemistry to me does not equal the same thing as working well in bed together. </strong>
    Posted by aprovencher21[/QUOTE]

    I agree with this 100%
    imageimage
  • I don't know anyone who waited outside of a couple FB friends who are extremely religious. Personally, there was no point in me waiting, others had taken that choice away from me years before. Even still, I wouldn't have waited. I do not agree that love makes the sex, or however PP worded it. Although I think there are more important things to a relationship than sex, if you're not compatible sexually then you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment.

    And kind of along the lines of what sun said, one of my brother's friends has done pretty much everything but actual sex with his girlfriend/fiancee (not sure what they are, really). In high school they were perfectly fine boasting about their latest sex toy and whatnot, but they said it was okay because it wasn't "real sex." At that point, just do it already. You're not fooling anyone.
  • I knew one couple that waited. It was really sweet. Not something I could do, but it really worked for them.
  • I always saw waiting as a religious thing. I never considered it nor did anyone I know. Adjusting just to the concept of marriage is enough. I can;t imagine not having slept with, or for that matter lived with my husband before I married him.
  • When I was a kid, my best friend's cousin got married to a girl he had not even kissed. I was like 8 and I knew that we one of the craziest things I had ever heard. I can get behind the waiting for sex thing, but waiting to even kiss? That just seems nuts. I'd love to know whether or not they are still married.

  • I don't know any virgins...
     
      Image and video hosting by TinyPic Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Many of my friends from high school waited.  I don't think any of my college friends are waiting.  Within my friends who waited, there is a pattern of not dating extremely long (less than a year) and getting married within a year of getting engaged.  My college friends tend to have longer dating relationships than that.  I'm not saying that observation would work across the board, but for my group of friends it's a trend. 
  • Im curious, do couples who wait not mess around at all before, or is it just sex thats off limits? I would hate my life if I married a guy and found out after he had a thumb size penis.

    I say that in total honesty, im not joking around. That would suck.
  • yep I know several that waited/ are waiting.  and my FI and I are as well.  It is something that we both feel strongly about and agreed on early in our relationship.  Yes its mostly religious for us and our friends but I feel strongly about waiting on many different levels. 


    I don't think it is specifically a regional thing but more of a social circle thing. 
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Love is like infinity: You can't have more or less infinity, and you can't compare two things to see if they're "equally infinite." Infinity just is, and that's the way I think love is, too.
    Fred Rogers
  • I think whatever works for you, works for you. I'm not fucking either you or your FI, so I don't care what happens or doesn't happen in your bed.

    What irks the shiit out of me is the idiots who wear their virginity like a badge of courage and mention it all the time. No one's knighting you for your penis-free life. As a matter of fact, no one cares or even needs to know you're saving yourself for marriage unless it comes up in a conversation among close friends.

    If you are waiting, you just need to be prepared for the unknown. To declare that bad sex won't affect your relationship is like saying it's just as easy to walk across the country as it is to fly. You can tough it out and complete the walk, but you're going to be exhausted, pissed off and have some serious blisters by the end of it all. :)
  • Yeah I know oodles of people who waited/are waiting.  I'm from a super small southern town where you are pretty much shunned if anyone thinks you didn't wait.  Which would be why so many girls get married in July after they graduate high school - so they can have sex.  I'm not saying that about all women/men who wait, just in my hometown - and the women are very open as to that being the main reason they want to get married so soon.

    I didn't wait until marriage but I did wait until I was in love with someone.  That someone just happens to be my H now.

    One of my good friends was just in a wedding where the couple wouldn't kiss, hug, hold hands, ANYTHING before they were married.  I don't know how they did that.
    image
    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • I know a lot of people who waited until marriage to have sex. They mostly got married younger though, like 20-22ish. I went to high school in an area that's very conservative in a lot of ways so it's probably a regional thing. It's a personal choice and I wouldn't judge it, and most of the people I know who got married at that age are now 26 or 27 and most (not all, but most) are still married so I guess it was ok for them in the end! I do think it's sort of weird when they wait to kiss or even hold hands until the wedding day though.
    image
    image
  • I've never known anyone who waited for marriage.  However, I agree with Bec - I don't really want to know that about you.  I feel it's a personal decision between the couple, and between the individuals and God (if applicable).  I don't want to know the status of your most private parts and where they have been or not been.  It's none of my business, and I would be very uncomfortable if I attended a wedding where the subject was mentioned about the B&G.
    imageFollow Me on Pinterest
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_waiting-till-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:78c2729e-4075-40e4-bacb-a25a736aea32Post:b7fbfcc9-32f8-4c7a-a8c9-41f8ac463035">Re: Waiting Till Marriage.....</a>:
    [QUOTE] and I would be very uncomfortable if I attended a wedding where the subject was mentioned about the B&G.
    Posted by LesPaul[/QUOTE]

    H and I were at a wedding over the summer that was laced with information about the couples sex life and waiting until marriage to do anything.  It was really uncomfortable and the majority of the people there were looking around like "Wait, did the pastor really just say all that?"  I agree that it's personal and unnecessary to announce during the wedding ceremony or anywhere else for that matter.
    image
    Follow Me on Pinterest
  • heartxsongsheartxsongs member
    First Comment
    edited November 2010
    My FI and I are waiting.  It is slightly influenced by religion, but moreso just a personal choice between the two of us.  It is not something we preach about to others, nor is it something we think everyone should do.  It won't be mentioned at the wedding, because it is not something we consider pride-worthy.

    For some of the PPs questions about people who wait:  No, we haven't done "everything under the sun but intercourse", because by then I feel the same way that we might as well just have sex.  But we have also fooled around, just never naked.  Sorry if that's TMI, but we've fooled around enough for me to know that I'm not marrying a guy with a toothpick down there, lol.

    ETA:  And FWIW, I don't have any friends who are waiting.  My closest friends know our decision and respect it, but for us it wasn't a social circle or regional thing.  My parents also didn't expect me to wait, they always encouraged safe sex, not abstinence.


    imageimage

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_waiting-till-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:78c2729e-4075-40e4-bacb-a25a736aea32Post:d8343353-7b0f-4e60-ab45-0716c33bb47d">Re: Waiting Till Marriage.....</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Waiting Till Marriage..... : Thanks for starting my day with a laugh.  Awesome.  <strong>FWIW, I can't imagine not touching/hugging/kissing FI until we're married.  Honestly, as soon as we kissed, I was smitten.</strong>  Corny but true.  I could kiss FI for hours.  Well, not really...cuz that would lead to other things.  So no, we didn't wait.
    Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]


    Yes. You know how people describe there being "sparks". I literally felt like I had electricity running through me the first time I kissed FI. I couldn't imagine having to wait so long for that to happen.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards