Open letters, bitchin'

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Dear Democratic Party,

If you call my office one more time, I fear my head may explode.

that's all.

-dani

Night_Sprite

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:f9a86757-73a6-48b6-afd7-dca46d30e191">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open letters, bitchin' : As your sister wife, I'm entitled to look at your bewbs any time I want.  It was in the marriage contract.  You should have read the fine print.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]
There better be reciprocal flashing, woman!

MarriedInAFever

Dear grandmother,

I'm reluctant to be your FB friend. I have a lot of Bachelorette pictures that would make you clutch your pearls.

Love,

Granddaughter

Dear FI,

Who is supposed to cook me dinner when you are gone? I am hungry.

Love,

Future non-domesticated wife

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:630c4bf1-12d8-4b34-8246-17222011ac56">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open letters, bitchin' : You should get taryn  some Renn-garb.  My niece has been doing it since she was 2 months old and loves it! She's even friends with faeries
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

Oh, we intend to.  My sister and I have been attending, in garb, for as long as we can remember.

Taryn did dress up for the Faire Festival this past year :)
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[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:a8560eae-472c-4b4c-9202-4afce73b99a8">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open letters, bitchin' : Good food, people watching, stage an alien abduction in a local park and put it on youtube, make up a secret language and speak to each other loudly in public, buy heelies &skate around fancy stores whenever the employees aren't looking, have a burping contest, get makeovers at a mall cosmetic counter - tell them we want whore-esque
Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

These are the best ideas ever. Can we also get shirts that say "Female Body Inspector" and wear them when we get our make overs? Ooooh. Or maybe I should wear the FBI shirt and you should wear one of those shirts that are supposed to make it look like you're wearing a bikini.

katiewhompus

Oooh Tide, Rach is coming into DC next weekend (maybe). We should take her to Renfest Sat!

Dear Anna, I you.

Dear Boss, please don't go crazy. I will be back at work Wednesday at the latest and will help to save your sanity.
Signed - your peppy assistant, aka "the happy one" "the pretty one" and "the one who actually knows what she's talking about"

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:d4f26d38-9db9-4069-b153-3dc946c5ce16">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open letters, bitchin' : Oh, we intend to.  My sister and I have been attending, in garb, for as long as we can remember. Taryn did dress up for the Faire Festival this past year :)
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]


AWWW!  dang it.  It's my fault you brought the cute and now i want one more.

tidetravel

This coming weekend (the 28th or labor day weekend?)   

I'm free this weekend, but not next.

katiewhompus

Poo, I think next. 2, 3, 4th

tidetravel

FOILED AGAIN!  That's 3 near misses with Rach.  The universe hates me.

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:9c870b98-c66a-4023-b5c6-0c3dfd095feb">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open letters, bitchin' : These are the best ideas ever. Can we also get shirts that say "Female Body Inspector" and wear them when we get our make overs? Ooooh. Or maybe I should wear the FBI shirt and you should wear one of those shirts that are supposed to make it look like you're wearing a bikini.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]


i've got a legit Bomb Squad shirt, hat and windbreaker.  I'll wear the shirt, you wear the windbreaker.  We could start a panic?? Heck, I think I could even dig out my kevlar vest.  But we have to wear them with killer stripper heels.  Then we'd be sexy girls that play with ordnance

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:add5632b-35da-4179-8f86-fd0dc95a9b70">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Anna, I <3 you.
Posted by katiewhompus[/QUOTE]

Right back at ya! <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

[Deleted User]

Playing with ordinance should be the name of our band. I'm assuming we'll also be forming a band as a result of our girl date, right?

zippityb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:b92b008d-c705-48e6-8a20-76b248fe1aab">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear grandmother, I'm reluctant to be your FB friend. I have a lot of Bachelorette pictures that would make you clutch your pearls. Love, Granddaughter
Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

Dear MIAF,

My eyesight is shitty, and I read this as your grandmother clutching her penis. I am a terrible human being

Yours in Christ,
zip

reddy123

anna and tide- those are the cutest pics ever.

Dear neighbors,

  We live in VERY expensive apartments. There are only about 10 units. Have some respect for your neighbors AND your animals.

  At first it was the basset hound howling lonely howls all day. 

  Then the two boston terriers moved in to the other side of me. They yip for no reason, for two hours at a time.

 Then the shepard mix moved in above me, it barks sharp and angry territorial barks every time someone walks by. It's gotten especially annoying when I have late night guests (I am a night owl) or everyone leaves for work at 6am.

 Nothing is worse than the trifecta of all three/four dogs. Seriously, dogs are not toys to be put on a shelf while you're at work. I pay way too much in rent for this.

 Then, because I hate it when I'm 'tattled' on, I give you the benefit of the doubt by going to YOU first, instead of the manager, and you have the balls to knock on every apartment and ask them what they think, and you tell me the neighbors don't hear anything, I'm exaggerating. They are at work all day, just like you, I work nights, dumbass, and I'm the only one without a dog! 

Unlucky for you I am friends with my landlord. 

signed,

Earplugs

P.S. sorry for the novel, I've needed to vent that for a while.

Shaye526

Dear Boss,

Let's just get one thing straight. I'm a graphic designer who works for your company. You don't get to offer my time and abilities to anyone who happens to know you, and then go ahead and bill them for my work and not pay me for it.

I can't pay my bills in favors. I doubt that working for free got you an $80,000 Benz, and a mansion in Connecticut so let's cut thiis shiit out before you end up looking for someone to fill my position. You should be so lucky.

Thanks and have a wonderful day!

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:3d865c02-9dad-481f-bc28-857fd3490b43">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]Playing with ordinance should be the name of our band. I'm assuming we'll also be forming a band as a result of our girl date, right?
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]


What other conclusion could there possibly be?  I play the accordion, recorder, slide-whistle, harmonica, and maracas.  Although my true talent lies with the old-school whistle pop.

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MarriedInAFever

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:c1e5c70b-ad2f-4405-8e45-d014329b26d5">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open letters, bitchin' : Dear MIAF, My eyesight is shitty, and I read this as your grandmother clutching her penis. I am a terrible human being Yours in Christ, zip
Posted by zippityb[/QUOTE]

Sister Zip,

You are forgiven.

Peace be with you,

Rev. MIAF

[Deleted User]

Oh snap! Not the whistle pop. I specialize in the tamborine and beat box. I think we are on to something here.

Shaye526

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:7ccc4097-e0e7-4a31-a11a-1ec27d067b88">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear FI, Thanks for cancelling Teen Mom on the DVR last night.  It's not like I planned to watch it tonight while you're not home or anything. Blah, Your Future Wife
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]


No it wasn't on last night. They had that stupid "made" movie on instead. Boooo!

Now you have to write an apology letter to FI for those allegations! LOL.

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:a33d528e-3bd4-4452-af84-86e3294d862f">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh snap! Not the whistle pop. I specialize in the tamborine and beat box. I think we are on to something here.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]


our band is going to have to make money quick.  i might eat more of the pop than i whistle with it.

[Deleted User]

We can do a tits showing side gig to make some quick cash. Or sell our kidneys. I prefer the tit show myself.

reddy123

I just imagined an SB band similar to the one in Arrested Development:

ETA: SB's 100% Natural Good-Time Family-Band Solution

[Deleted User]

Yes! Except our vests will be bullet proof.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:c4dc8333-103e-4c9a-b425-4a294027bd8b">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Clock, Please get to 5 o'clock now.  I'm over today.  love your slave, R Posted by rhonwynv[/QUOTE]

Dear Rhonwyn,
I read yours as "Dear C0ck" and it made me happy.

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-bitchin?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:79cb586d-0bbd-4559-ac5a-ce0d7f9d15eePost:dabf6126-d7ac-4847-b2dd-db2f72c61805">Re: Open letters, bitchin'</a>:
[QUOTE]We can do a tits showing side gig to make some quick cash. Or sell our kidneys. I prefer the tit show myself.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]


Definitely!  Especially since i think I already promised my kidney to someone

[Deleted User]

Oh yeah. I forgot about that. Tit show it is!

allisong23

Dear 46 people who have not RSVP-ed for our wedding,

The RSVP date was 4 days ago. Can you get off your ass and mail back the card? Really, it's not that hard. I even stamped it for you! So get moving, 'kay?

Love,
Alli

Dear father's family,

You might have noticed when we all gathered for Uncle's funeral a few months ago that Dad is not doing well. In fact, he may not have much time left.And you have also noticed that Grandma is 91 and definitely does not have much time left. So let me thank you for not bothering to come in to town for my wedding. Without you guys, Grandma is certainly coming because she certainly can't drive. Yeah, she probably didn't want to see her first granddaughter get married anyway, or her son, who is dying.So, when the time comes, I want you all to remember that you chose not to see him for what will probably be the last time. So here's a big eff you to you!

Love,
Your goddaughter/niece/cousin.

Steph0871

Dear Doctor this morning,
Thank you for actually listening to me when I complained about my awful 3-week cough.  Also thanks for diagnosing me with bronchitis, instead of just shipping me out the door like your colleague last week.  I much appreciate the inhaler and antibiotics; I feel better already.
Gratefully,This sick girl
Dear Mother Nature,
I love you today.  Thank you so much for the 60 degrees today.  My apartment, my dog, my sanity, and my electric bill really appreciate it.  It's ok though, you're allowed to go back to 80s this weekend for the State Fair. mmm.
Love,Sick-of-the-heat MN resident.

hppygrrl33

Dear Boss Lady,

You're a phony hick and everyone sees right through it. Stop dressing like you are 25-you're almost 50! I did not sign up to be your personal assistant who drives your obnoxious daughters to their friends' houses to smoke cigarettes. I won't deny the fact that I have learned a lot from you about how NOT to run a business. I am grateful that I have established myself enough to be able to tell you in a few weeks that I QUIT because I can make sooo much more money working for myself.

Thanks,
Me

P.S. Stop complaining about the fact that you have to pay an illegal day laborer more money than you have been paying me to do-not smart!!

And here's a fashion tip for you (even though you call yourself a "Designer") Coco Chanel said it best: Before you leave the house, remove one accesory. (Though in your case, you could stand to loose like TEN) Who told you it wasn't tacky to wear knee high boots with black textured tights, a mini skirt, a lacy top with bell sleeves,  a 3 strand pearl choker, hoop earrings, baubly rings on each hand , a bracelet on each wrist AND a rinestone encrusted hairclip!!!!!!!! Take it from me:less is more!!!

Oooh that felt good