Snarky Brides

Future Mother in-Law or FML

UGHHHHHHHH! she's so annoying. she happens to know the owner of our catering hall (not very well, she's just a long time customer) and thinks that she can get us all these good deals if we let her call and bitch. And trust me, that's exactly what she will do. She is totally the daughter of a rich guy who thinks she can get whatever she wants by throwing fits. And I just want to punch her in the face! She is only giving us like a fifth of the money and we are paying the rest ourselves, but she thinks we can add all of these things THAT WE CAN'T AFFORD. My Fiance and I agreed that we wouldn't do wine on the table because it's too expensive and now he has lunch with her and all the sudden we have to because his grandfather wants it and she tells him "Don't ask Jackie, tell her" Who does she think she is? I wouldn't even care if she was giving us alittle more money! And she takes every opportunity to tell me that i'm going to regret not wearing a vail and that we have to take our honeymoon right away and we have to have a white cake. I'm getting a little sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML

  • oookaaaay. Just tell her no?
  • Is she paying for the wine? If so, I don't see the problem. Otherwise just say no and ignore her.

  • You guys are cute. If she took no for an answer my life would be much simpler. We already told her no, a few times. So now she's playing divide and conquer and bugging him about it and convincing him he wants it and that I'm being unfair because I don't. If she asks enough, he says ok.
  • You and your FI need to be on the same page, and he needs to stand up for himself now or you will be dealing with this the rest of your life. If he can't do that, then imagine what will happen when/if you have kids, or some other choice you make together that she doesn't agree with. This is a sign of what to come, and its your FI's job to draw the line. 

    If all else fails, give her the money back. 
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:93f939c8-7225-48e1-a355-d1790542fbaf">Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]UGHHHHHHHH! she's so annoying. she happens to know the owner of our catering hall (not very well, she's just a long time customer) and thinks that she can get us all these good deals if we let her call and bitch. And trust me, that's exactly what she will do. She is totally the daughter of a rich guy who thinks she can get whatever she wants by throwing fits. And I just want to punch her in the face! She is only giving us like a fifth of the money and we are paying the rest ourselves, but she thinks we can add all of these things THAT WE CAN'T AFFORD. My Fiance and I agreed that we wouldn't do wine on the table because it's too expensive and now he has lunch with her and all the sudden we have to because his grandfather wants it and she tells him "Don't ask Jackie, tell her" Who does she think she is? I wouldn't even care if she was giving us alittle more money! And she takes every opportunity to tell me that i'm going to regret not wearing a vail and that we have to take our honeymoon right away and we have to have a white cake. I'm getting a little sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Posted by JackieSimms911[/QUOTE]

    jic
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:9b1a4d18-5432-4fc0-9357-acec3fe4b99b">Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>You guys are cute.</strong> If she took no for an answer my life would be much simpler. We already told her no, a few times. So now she's playing divide and conquer and bugging him about it and convincing him he wants it and that I'm being unfair because I don't. If she asks enough, he says ok.
    Posted by JackieSimms911[/QUOTE]

    I imagine this being said in a condescending way so now I don't care to help. Unless you can convince me you weren't being a butthole.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:93f939c8-7225-48e1-a355-d1790542fbaf">Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]UGHHHHHHHH! she's so annoying. she happens to know the owner of our catering hall (not very well, she's just a long time customer) and thinks that she can get us all these good deals if we let her call and bitch. And trust me, that's exactly what she will do. She is totally the daughter of a rich guy who thinks she can get whatever she wants by throwing fits. And I just want to punch her in the face! She is only giving us like a fifth of the money and we are paying the rest ourselves, but she thinks we can add all of these things THAT WE CAN'T AFFORD. My Fiance and I agreed that we wouldn't do wine on the table because it's too expensive and now he has lunch with her and all the sudden we have to because his grandfather wants it and she tells him "Don't ask Jackie, tell her" Who does she think she is? I wouldn't even care if she was giving us alittle more money! And she takes every opportunity to tell me that i'm going to regret not wearing a vail and that we have to take our honeymoon right away and we have to have a white cake. I'm getting a little sick of it!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Posted by JackieSimms911[/QUOTE]

    #1 - return her money, and pay for the wedding yourselves.  No money = no say
    #2 - when FMIL approaches FI about decisions, he should  say, "Thanks, we'll take that into consideration" and then leave it alone.  And, if she tries to pull the "don't tell Jackie" shiit, he needs to stand up to her and tell her that the two of you are a team, and make decisions together.

    As far as the rest of the stuff, just stop talking to her about wedding stuff.  If she asks about something, tell her that it's been taken care of and change the subject.  She will only have as much control over you as you let her.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:ff42513c-16e9-4d98-ae2b-5e378f1aba50">Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Future Mother in-Law or FML : jic
    Posted by nda_roxybabe[/QUOTE]

    What does jic mean Rox?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:9b1a4d18-5432-4fc0-9357-acec3fe4b99b">Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]You guys are cute. If she took no for an answer my life would be much simpler. We already told her no, a few times. So now she's playing divide and conquer and bugging him about it and convincing him he wants it and that I'm being unfair because I don't. If she asks enough, he says ok.
    Posted by JackieSimms911[/QUOTE]

    So WTF do you want us to say? Don't accept any of her money, then you can do whatever you want and she can STFU. You are a grownup. You are allowed to tell your parents no.
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  • Tide you are back! Yay Kiss
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  • I think I'll just sit back and watch the spanking.
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  • JIC= Just in CASE
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:4a40f23a-1a80-4a27-86a8-02ee7957e20e">Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]JIC= Just in CASE
    Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]
     Ty. I was scratching my head like wtf?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:2198d598-5a60-4c1c-a14b-da8592a2a619">Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]Tide you are back! Yay
    Posted by ricksang[/QUOTE]
    Heeey  ::waves::

    One of my friends came in from DC to spend the weekend with me, so I wasn't around much.  I've made a new friend, too, so I've been spending time away from the computer.
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  • Oh that sounds nice Tide.
    image
  • This is a classic case of "You have a FI problem, not a FMIL problem." He needs to stand up to her, or else you're just going to keep having problems. What do you think she's going to be like when you have kids? And this is something that he needs to do - he should be the first line of defense protecting you against his family, and if he sides with them, you have a big issue on your hands.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:764c0e7d-266c-45fb-a771-805da47924c4">Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hmmmmm....arsenic, a shower curtain and a car with a big trunk. Problem solved.
    Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]

    Thanks for that, my computer  now has red crystal light all over the screen.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:9b1a4d18-5432-4fc0-9357-acec3fe4b99b">Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]You guys are cute. If she took no for an answer my life would be much simpler. We already told her no, a few times. So now she's playing divide and conquer and bugging him about it and convincing him he wants it and that I'm being unfair because I don't. If she asks enough, he says ok.
    Posted by JackieSimms911[/QUOTE]

    If he's being "convinced" by her that he wants something you two can't afford, then it sounds like your FI needs to take some remedial math classes, otherwise, he needs to grow a pair and tell his mom that unless she's prepared to write a bigger check, she can shut up since you two can't afford what she's proposing.

    Second thing to do would be to write a letter to the venue whom she's been interfacing with behind your back, send it delivery confirmation, and state that changes, approvals, declines, etc. of any kind are to only be accepted from you or your FI.

    Third, you two need to get on the same page about everything, if he is already telling you he agrees with you and then either also agreeing with his mom on doing the opposite, or allowing his mom to change plans that the two of you made together, then things are only going to go downhill from here.

    Married in Vegas - June 2011


  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:9b1a4d18-5432-4fc0-9357-acec3fe4b99b">Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]You guys are cute. If she took no for an answer my life would be much simpler. We already told her no, a few times. So now she's playing divide and conquer and bugging him about it and convincing him he wants it and that I'm being unfair because I don't. If she asks enough, he says ok.
    Posted by JackieSimms911[/QUOTE]

    This is a definitely a FI problem.  Your FI needs to be able to stand up to his mother without you having to make him. You might want to decide if you want to marry him and deal with HIS mommy problems for the rest of your life. Don't blame your FMIL, she would not act like this unless your FI allowed it.

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  • The problem isn't with your FMIL. She is entitled to suggest whatever she wants. You can't stop her from talking. She has an interest in her son's wedding. The problem is that your FI agrees with her on some points.

    Who knows. Maybe she has better ideas than you do. Its possible.

    Seeing how you personally insulted her, why are you accepting her money?

    You can't prevent her from talking. You claim that she throws fits but you are throwing a fit also.


  • along with your FI growing a pair and standing up for you. If you dont want to deal with it then dont tell her anything else. Next time she says anything about the wine say ok, and then do what you want anyway

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  • Ditto what Tide said -

    - Talk to your fiance, get him on the same page as you are in the same book.
    - find a way with your current budget to take care of the whole wedding, and only then tell your FMIL sorry, you guys are paying for it.


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  • Thanks for your help ladies, just need to vent
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-mother-law-fml?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:7f189a06-cd59-4e1c-a46e-caeb196ccc64Post:bf80b5ff-fb51-4ed9-beb9-e8e0a39706fc">Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Future Mother in-Law or FML : Heeey  ::waves:: One of my friends came in from DC to spend the weekend with me, so I wasn't around much. <strong> I've made a new friend, too, so I've been spending time away from the computer.
    </strong>Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

    is that allowed?

    we missed ya!
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  • 1 - my fi would never do something like that "tell me not ask" since he respects me

    2 - if my fi was put in that situation he would have stood up for me, as I would him

    3 - the vendors have a contract with YOU and your fi, not your FMIL so they should be dealing with you (unless FMIL signed the agreements in which case you are stuck with her running the show since it is her name on the agreement and therefore her money)

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