MOH not helping

tealeyedangel

Well today marks 3 weeks till my wedding, my MOH has been M.I.A. we had plans to go shoe shopping today, she has her husband call me last minute saying she is sick....she was to be here earlier today to help with finalizing the flowers and stuff, she never showed, she said she was asleep but her husband sent me a txt saying she had went out with her dad....then she sent a txt saying she was grocery shopping and she would be here in a minute then her hubby calls and tells me this. Part of me wants to just tell her to leave it alone and forget about the wedding all together....I'm frazzled and I need her help but I seem to be doing this all by myself.

kmmssg

Where is your FI in all of this?  This is far more his responsibility than hers.

tealeyedangel

He's military, in the field, prepairing for upcoming deployment. 

jcg98

Did she offer to help, or were you just expecting it by virtue of the MOH title?

tealeyedangel

She told me she would help with whatever I needed, just give her a time and place and she would be there, she hasn't helped with anything since we bought my bouquet back in March....She said she would be here, she bailed....

MrsL2014

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_moh-not-helping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:87775696-9524-473d-a897-25e2d3bf7fefPost:547f2336-0221-42a4-96e2-44d829f9b916">MOH not helping</a>:
[QUOTE]Well today marks 3 weeks till my wedding, my MOH has been M.I.A. we had plans to go shoe shopping today, she has her husband call me last minute saying she is sick....she was to be here earlier today to help with finalizing the flowers and stuff, she never showed, she said she was asleep but her husband sent me a txt saying she had went out with her dad....then she sent a txt saying she was grocery shopping and she would be here in a minute then her hubby calls and tells me this. Part of me wants to just tell her to leave it alone and forget about the wedding all together....I'm frazzled and I need her help but I seem to be doing this all by myself.
Posted by tealeyedangel[/QUOTE]

So sad that this happened. But telling her to forget about the wedding all together proably wouldnt be the best thing for your friendship. I can understand that you are a bit frazzled, but you have to take a minute to pull yourself together and make a new plan since sounds like the original plan isnt happening.
 
I know your fiance is a bit worried about some other stuff, but do you feel you need to have someone with you today for shoe shopping? Do you have anyone else who is close in the area that you could call up and see if they want to help you pick out your wedding shoes.

jcg98

In Response to Re:MOH not helping:[QUOTE]She told me she would help with whatever I needed, just give her a time and place and she would be there, she hasn't helped with anything since we bought my bouquet back in March....She said she would be here, she bailed.... Posted by tealeyedangel[/QUOTE]
That sucks, but unfortunately there isn't much you can do about it. Kicking her out is generally seen as a friendship ending move. I suggest giving her some space. Make a list of the things you need to do, and work your way through it. Making a list always helped me especially close to the date, I would feel far less frazzled with having everything written down and out of my head.

Loopyseven

I agree it's not her responsibility to help you with this stuff in general just because she's your MOH, but if you made plans with her to help you with things today and then she flaked out at the last minute I can see why you'd be upset.  Especially if it's become a pattern.  Can you squeeze out some "friend" time that is unrelated to your wedding just to catch up with her as her friend?  Maybe she's got something else going on.

mehgank

I agree with Loopy - since it's so close to the wedding, it can be easy to fall into a pattern of doing only WR stuff during your free time off work, but it might be in your best interest just to have a visit with your friend. Have lunch or schedule a spa session or go on a bike ride. Not only will it help strengthen your friendship, but you'll also get to blow off some steam that's been building up due to wedding planning. You'll be able to suss out what's going on with her and get to the root of why she's being flaky. It could be that she's overwhelmed since (maybe) she's never been a MOH before, so that could be why she's bailing on you.

pomundson0

That's crappy  Did you have anyone else that could help you out? Possibly a wife of someone in your FI's unit?  I agree she may have her own stuff going on, but she offered to help and is being a flake, nothing is more frustrating than thinking you can count on someone and they leave you hanging. I have a friend like that and it drives me up the wall. Go do your shopping, try to have some fun, take deep breaths and smile  If she wants to reschedule, 'sorry, it's already done, but I could totally use your help with (insert project here) please!'  Good luck

tealeyedangel

I'm taking today off, I have some homework to do for a psych final, and I will try to do this again tomorrow, I know DF doesn't want to go shoe shopping with me....lol....god forbid I torture him with my indecisiveness on shoes.....perhaps I can get her sometime this week....MAYBE...if not I'll figure out how to do it on my own.

tealeyedangel

It doesn't help that yes I do ask her for help at times because my family is 8 hours away, two states away, I can't really call my mom and be like "hey wanna come check out cakes with me" 

Simply Fated

Why is her husband acting as though he's her receptionist?

tealeyedangel

I believe he is the controlling type....wants her at home with him all the time....

SuperCrystal

Honestly, she is probably just tired of doing stuffed centered around you. I can vouch that that can get exhausting and she may just start avoiding you because it is wedding and bride overload. Maybe just invite her to one shopping venture per 1-2 weeks. she may have a limited amount of free time with he work and want to spend some of it with her family or on her self and her sanity....

tealeyedangel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_moh-not-helping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:87775696-9524-473d-a897-25e2d3bf7fefPost:bf38a42c-ef6e-495e-bc42-dea2d16ad680">Re: MOH not helping</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, she is probably just tired of doing stuffed centered around you. I can vouch that that can get exhausting and she may just start avoiding you because it is wedding and bride overload. Maybe just invite her to one shopping venture per 1-2 weeks. she may have a limited amount of free time with he work and want to spend some of it with her family or on her self and her sanity....
Posted by SuperCrystal[/QUOTE]

<div>She hasn't been around for anything since MARCH....so there is NOTHING being done centered around me. I'm afraid she is going to back out of the wedding then what the hell am I going to do.</div>

lily_721

My sister was my MOH twice.  She never helped with anything.  She's my sister and I just dealt with it.  It was all about having low expectations.  She told her friends that I was the easiest bride ever. 

Its your wedding.  She is obviously flaking on you so you are just going to have to get this stuff done on your own. 

Shoe shopping doesn't have to be such a big event.  My stepson found my shoes. 

Make a list and start getting things done.