bridesmaidzilla- long vent sorry

i2012do

Not sure where to post this, I have to vent under some "anonyomity" because honestly I feel like a wretched bitch venting to my friends.

but I CANT NOT STAND ONE OF MY BRIDESMAIDS.

Maybe a tidbit of background: we have been friends since we were 9, grew up together, went to college together, after college our lives too dif paths she called me one day and said shed rather "not be friends, since we are leading two dif lives" (i thought usually people just grew apart). Then we reconnected had fun.

Now, im engaged and her and my bf are fond of one another because they are both into photography-- he also loves to hang out with her girlfriend

He suggested she would be hurt if we didint ask her to be int he wedding, since he and her gf were friends-- and since ive been friends with her since i was 9 etc. Then also, she offered to design all our wedding invites, etc (shes a designer)...

WELL here we are, and she is trying to be helpful, maybe. she told me i should have an "artsy" wedding-- im not really an Art type person (she is)-- im going the more traditional route, and i told her that. everyday she sends me pics of these rustic artsy weddings and like Green chic-- i told her that wanst where i was heading with my wedding, i wanted it more shabby chic, traditional. she told me i have NO APPRECIATION FOR ART. Apparently because i want a different wedding themem?

I showed her the bridesmaid dresses that everyone loved she siad" TRADITIONAL AND UGLY'--- SO TYPICAL" (they are strapless knee length and champagne colored-- pretty Basic)

I showed her my idea for the favors " SO UGLY"

i showed her the STDs i had done by an etsy designer (she said she didint hae time to do any design work for me)--- She said they were "BASIC DESIGNS AND UGLY"


im like beyond hurt, and Now im tettering on Really Pissed

Should I say something?

MarriedInAFever

Yes. Yes, you should say something.

She is being a snot. Let her know that although you may not share the same tastes, this is your style and if you're not asking her opinion and the only opinion she has is negative and shitty, kindly ask her to keep it to herself. Let her know this is your style and the wedding you want and if she doesn't want to be a part of it, you'll understand.

ExpatPumpkin

I'd tell her that you appreciate her "help" but that you have a completely different vision of your wedding.  And for that reason you'll be purchasing your invites elsewhere and no longer consulting with her about wedding decisions.  All she needs to do is show up in the dress.  If she really hates the dress, just tell her that you'd be thrilled for her to attend as a regular guest. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I think you should STOP saying anything, because she's a negative person, and the more you share with her, the more you're getting hurt.

marriedfilingjointly

It sucks that you had to learn the hard way that you should never ask someone to be in your BP just because they might be hurt otherwise. 

Don't bring up wedding stuff with her.  If she brings it up and is nasty, tell her like it is like MIAF said.  No need to counter her rudeness with more rudeness; just state your piece and change the subject.

As far as the bridesmaids dress, maybe you could say something like, "hey, if you really feel that strongly about it, my feelings wouldn't be hurt at all if you decided to just attend the wedding as a guest so you don't feel obligated to (x, y, z)."

betrothed123

Stop sharing the details of your wedding with her.  You really shouldn't have asked her to be your BM in the first place.  If your relationship was already rocky throwing a wedding into the mix is not helpful.

[Deleted User]

Why are you even friends with this person? She sounds horrible.

And why is your FI hanging out with her and her girlfriend? That seems weird to me, that he would hang out with someone who treats you like garbage, shared photography interest or not.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaidzilla-long-vent-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8843111b-730e-4d9e-8169-18e617824ad5Post:81a65f40-46e6-4e66-8791-4f9ab9d1d57d">Re: bridesmaidzilla- long vent sorry</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaidzilla- long vent sorry : Yeah, ditto this. I'm wondering about the same thing. Are you 100% sure this chick has no feelings for your FI? I can't help but assume and that can be a possible reason to why she's being a horrible bitch to you.
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I'm jumping on this bandwagon as well.

526SadieSadie

Geezus, what a cow!!

I definitely think you need to have someone else do your invitations and she doesn't need any further information about anything wedding related.  What does your FI say about this?  If he and her gf are buddies, maybe he could talk to her in a casual "what's up with her attitude?" Kind of way.  I'm sorry you got guilted into having this negative person in your wedding party, you don't need someone bringing you down about every little thing.

Could it possibly be jealousy that you can get married and so far, she can't?

Not to be a downer, but I'd be bummed about a champagne colored bmaid gown, too but I sure as hell wouldn't say anything to the bride about it unless she asked me.

i2012do

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaidzilla-long-vent-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8843111b-730e-4d9e-8169-18e617824ad5Post:81a65f40-46e6-4e66-8791-4f9ab9d1d57d">Re: bridesmaidzilla- long vent sorry</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: bridesmaidzilla- long vent sorry : Yeah, ditto this. I'm wondering about the same thing. Are you 100% sure this chick has no feelings for your FI? I can't help but assume and that can be a possible reason to why she's being a horrible bitch to you.
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]

a lot of people said that to me, friends and my mom included. She doesnt. She recently declared she is no longer straight (she was the most boy crazy girl I knew)... and her gf is amazing and we love to ahng out with her.

She has been like this all her life, and my fiance says that i am being super sensitive.

He never really noticed it until last night- -which is the event that took me to the edge and made me post this:
We are looking for houses and showed her a house we both love and are looking at this weekend-- and she told me that she thought the countertops were ugly.

He did what i should have done a long time agao and said "taste is a personal preference, not everyone has teh same tastes or likes the same things, what floats my boat, might not float yours"....

she shut up....

then she went on to tell me the bridesmaids dresses were ugly., but he wasnt around

MarriedInAFever

I think champagne gowns are gorgeous and that's really YOUR prerogative.

i2012do

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaidzilla-long-vent-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8843111b-730e-4d9e-8169-18e617824ad5Post:c63a5cc4-fb26-4deb-b653-48b18c603bd7">Re: bridesmaidzilla- long vent sorry</a>:
[QUOTE]I think champagne gowns are gorgeous and that's really YOUR prerogative.
Posted by MarriedInAFever[/QUOTE]

Thank you :)

So.. im thinking of responding to the email she sent last week---where she said "not sure what you're doing yet for flowers,  but i love peonies" and i said" im actually going to carry them, but am getting beautiful bouquets made for the bridesmaids in other florals" and she said "but.... i like them, so can we both carry them"

Im going to respond" I appreciate that you love them, and perhaps you can use them in your wedding-- but right now, i really want to leave the details the way i have them.. i appreciate your opintions-- but i think we are seeing very differently on the "look" im going for---" and leave it at that

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I agree with Champagne - I'm not really advocating that brides should be able to kick out their bridesmaids, but this is one toxic bitch who doesn't deserve to be called your friend.  You're better off without her.

i2012do

I dont know
I feel like writing here, makes the situation seem like different than it is, and maybe I havent explained it well.

The thing with her nad my fiance is kind of a non-issue-- i dont really care that she and her gf visit him- because at this point Her girlfriend and him are friends, they chat sometimes- etc. 

plus, hes also like really sweet and kind and not an "attention" seeker-- which is why i love him so much... hes friendly to everyone and doesnt want to "offend" either

Ive known her and her family forever, so i felt guilty--Did i mention shes my parents next door neighbor?.
i know i should have Known better than to ask her out of guilt... when everyone else i asked to be in the bridal party beause they were close, loving, supportive--family and friends


I guess reading these post makes me realize my fiance and i are being real push over
i think i need to say something, but i feel liek she is going to feel like dumbfounded and then be super dramatic-- im trying to avoid drama--wedding planning is stressful enough

Lenore2010

My MOH, a friend of 6 years standing turned int a nasty critical beotch the day before our wedding. There was no making her happy, and she was full of bad to say about several aspects of the wedding. Since I treated her like a queen during the entire planning period, I did not understand what was setting her off and neither did anyone else. The day of the wedding was worse yet.She did not help me get ready, refused to come to the salon appointment I was paying for, was fairly drunk by the time we got to the ceromony itself, had a tantrum about her shoes which SHE picked) it went on and on.

Finaly, we decided it was all about her drinking heavily AND being jelous that I was getting married and she would all but kill for a husband.

I am also jumping on the "jelous" bandwaggon in your situation-only an even worse
 sort because she just might have feelings for your FI. That, and you were not close to start with.

I agree, stop discussing wedding planning with her and while you can;t ask her not to be in the wedding, offer her an "out"

i2012do

Thanke for the advise Lenore

I can totally see this happening to me and want to avoid it.

Rather than kicking her out,the next time she makes a nasty remark, im going to offer her the "Get out free" card

Meg1979

It sounds like maybe she's having some jealousy issues or something.  You can do without the snippy attitude.  You should not have invited her, but uninviting her doesn't really sound like the right move either.  Keep wedding talk to a minimum.  Do not let her design a thing.  If she could turn off a relationship then she can do it now.  You don't want to be left in the lurch.

jennylove810

Dude I'm with CS - kick her out of your wedding and your life.  Goodness.

Shaye526

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaidzilla-long-vent-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8843111b-730e-4d9e-8169-18e617824ad5Post:a4b20db6-6bf5-4ec3-b153-8485b1d807e2">Re: bridesmaidzilla- long vent sorry</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry but did I read that correctly? She said she would rather not be friends with you before but you guys reconnected but now she's being really awful? I know this is bitchy but screw that, I'll dump her as a friend if I were you. She's not being supportive at all. You don't need that kind of person.
Posted by Champagne Supernova[/QUOTE]


This. This. This.

Angrytomato

kick her out. she sounds like an overly-critical, self important, vapid twat. She clearly upsets you and I think what you really need instead of venting to us, is to just explode like a powder keg at her. Release 20 years of anger! Don't let yourself be wishy-washy anymore, Charlie Brown!

/stick it to the man

crankita

Gah, as PP have said- even though it is a big no no kick this girl to the curb- the whole thing sounds like bad news. You do not need that kind of person in your life. Instead of spending the money you would have spent for her place at your wedding invite someone that is actually a loving friend/ family member that does not treat you like crap.

PiscesFish

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_bridesmaidzilla-long-vent-sorry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:8843111b-730e-4d9e-8169-18e617824ad5Post:ca03a4a3-4287-4015-96fa-a9e79ad41cfb">Re: bridesmaidzilla- long vent sorry</a>:
[QUOTE]526SadieSadie- -yes, i agree with you. Her and her gf are discussing weddings and how they have to travel out of state-- so maybe tis has something to do with it??
Posted by i2012do[/QUOTE]

Considering that you can drive across RI in an hour, and that it borders MA (where gay marriage is legal) I don't think this is a reason to let her off the hook.