Paranoia, paranoia

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Every day that passes I get a little more disturbed about my fiance's sister's divorce.

They have a little six year old daughter together - and her soon-to-be ex wants full custody.  He spreads nasty rumors about her and how she was supposedly cheating on him and what a horrible person she is.  I shudder to think what he and his family say about her in front of that little girl.

My fiance was really upset last night that there's a possibility that the douche lord would get full custody, and none of us would ever see his neice again.  I really don't think that's going to happen - the guy is clearly imbalanced and mothers are always given preference when it comes to custody of children.  So I try to reassure him, but I worry too.  I've only know his brother-in-law a couple years but the behavior he's exhibiting now is so incredibly strange. 

He was so controlling over my fiance's sister that he wouldn't let her go places or do things, he had her followed or checked up on all the time when he was out of town.  Just obsessive.  And so creepy   This past weekend I went on a little mini-vacation with my fiance's family, and my fiance's sister had her daughter for the weekend.  When we got to our vaca-destination her husband called her and yelled at her that she had better bring her back home immediately because he hadn't given her permission to take her out of town (but we had voicemail proof of the contrary).  This little girl is going to be a flower girl in our wedding, and I'm so worried that this guy is going to make it a nightmare for my fiance's family.

Just a little vent I guess - I know it's a "wall of text" but I feel better after typing it out.

[Deleted User]

Poor little girl. He sounds insane. It's sad because you know that there is no way that she's being properly shielded from all of that craziness.

[Deleted User]

Why does she think he'll get full custody? With him behaving like that I'd hope any court wouldn't think twice about giving the mother custody. Is she documenting all his crazy behavior? She might need profof that he's gone psycho.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

My fiance's family and the little girl's mom always do their best to keep negative comments about him to themselves when she's around.  But I know his family is not that way - his mother used to make negative comments to my fiance's sister when they were together all the time.  To her face.  I can't imagine what's going on right now.

kd.joseph

I hope she's documenting everything. Tell her to keep a journal of everything, and dates and times. Does she have a lawyer?Because this is number one priority.

I went through a custody battle with my ex,and it went on for a year. But I had documentation of his erratic behavior. And this was the first thing my lawyer told me to do. Good Luck.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Seshat - I have no idea why he think's he'll get custody.  He's just psycho.  But yeah, my future-sister-in-law saves and documents EVERYTHING.  He apparently has a really expensive, slimy lawyer, but in the end I think good lawyers are moot unless you have facts to back up your stories.  This guy is a serious nut job.

Dferrari17

Oh wow, that's horrible! Is FI's sister getting any proof of how he talks about her? Voicemails or something of the sort? That would definitely help her if they're having a custody hearing. And that poor little girl! That guy is probably saying horrible things to her. I can't imagine having to go through that.

I hope that psychopath doesn't get custody! Good luck to you and your fam. I would get a restraining order to keep him out of your wedding! You don't need evil people like that there ruining your happy day!

Mioh1

wow what a creep... before the divorce did he act that way around you FI's sister? or did everyone recently find out how he treated her?

jasmineh7777

Your sister could look in to taking some parenting classes and whatnot, just as further proof that she is committed to being the best mom possible.
Could your family also write statements about the behavior you have witnessed?
If he threatens her at all, be sure to get a police report.

future-mrs

I feel really sorry for the little girl.  I bet she's getting pulled 18 different directions, sad. 

mrscarter052011

AATB, I'm really sorry to hear about this.  The soon-to-be ex sounds a lot like my ex who controlled me during the time we were together and threatened that if I left he would take or daughter.  It was (and is b/c he is still suing me) miserable but the best thing that you can do for your future SIL is to listen to her and help her document as much of this ridculous behavior as possible. 

Also, I don't know about the "rules" in your state but a good attorney is crucial.  (If she can't afford one then I believe most places have resources for free counsel). 

If you want more info pm me.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Thanks mrscarter - I appreciate that.

All we can really do is offer her whatever support she needs from us - and I've been praying for them a lot too. 

They did have some issues a couple years ago - it was because of his paranoia and his obsessive, controlling tendencies.  But they went to counseling for a while - after the sessions were over, he was advised to get his OWN personal counselor to deal with his lingering issues with depression and other things.  But he never followed through with it.

I do worry a lot about the wedding.  The little girl, like I said, is a flower girl for us.  A few weeks ago, my future-sister-in-law went to a friend's wedding that her husband had initially told her she couldn't go to, but she had moved out and decided she was going to do what she wanted.  She told all of us, and him, that the wedding was in A town, but it was actually in B town.  We didn't know this until this past weekend.  But yeah, she didn't even want him to know exactly where she was.  We had asked him to be an usher in our wedding before any of this went down, and his daughter is one of our flower girls - so he knows where they and all the rest of us will be that weekend. 

Just makes me nervous