Planning Your Own Bach: What Do You Think?

Lenore2010

I have addressed this in the middle of some other posts, now I am just curious as to opinions. What do you think about brides planning and paying for their own bach parties?

I am actually NOT liking the current deal about your bridal party, if they choose to do so planning the bach party. I think that just for starters, this supposedly "optional" thing is now felt as an obligation by a lot of MOH's, and the bridal party ends up paying for it. I think for the bride, in reality she often ends up with a type of party she did not actually want. Say, penis whistles and wiskey instead of a wine tasting and spa day OR vice versa.

I know the big thing against planning your own bach is the "Attention Whore" deal. Well, I think most things bridal are an AW extravagnza extravagnaza anyway, and to a great degree they should be! This is one chance in life to shamelessly AW it up!

Please note, I am not, not, not talking about planning your own shower. I think that should be a felony. Also, I am not talking about asking your bach guests to shell out for all kinds of expensive crap. If you want limos and $300.00 spa visits I say it ought to be your treat to them if you can afford it.

Thoughts?

Nebb

I tokd my girls what I wanted, that was as much as I planned.

[Deleted User]

I didn't have one, but if I did I wouldn't have let anyone plan it without me knowing all the details. I don't really care who plans it, the bride or the BP, but the bride should have a say in what goes on. It's just a party, I don't see what the big deal is if the bride plans it, especially if she pays.

jlw1492

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_planning-own-bach-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c4e1bd4-378a-40fc-8063-f35ddd5f1eb4Post:b25c7573-cd8d-4e10-b4d1-13f5cd170791">Planning Your Own Bach: What Do You Think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have addressed this in the middle of some other posts, now I am just curious as to opinions. What do you think about brides planning and paying for their own bach parties? I am actually NOT liking the current deal about your bridal party, if they choose to do so planning the bach party. I think that just for starters, this supposedly "optional" thing is now felt as an obligation by a lot of MOH's, and the bridal party ends up paying for it. I think for the bride, in reality she often ends up with a type of party she did not actually want. Say, penis whistles and wiskey instead of a wine tasting and spa day OR vice versa. I know the big thing against planning your own bach is the "Attention Whore" deal. Well, I think most things bridal are an AW extravagnza extravagnaza anyway, and to a great degree they should be! This is one chance in life to shamelessly AW it up! Please note, I am not, not, not talking about planning your own shower. I think that should be a felony. Also, I am not talking about asking your bach guests to shell out for all kinds of expensive crap. If you want limos and $300.00 spa visits I say it ought to be your treat to them if you can afford it. Thoughts?
Posted by Lenore2010[/QUOTE]

I agree totally.  My MOH is a bridesmaid in a wedding two weeks before mine and I've tried to cut costs for her wherever possible because the other bride is making her shell out for all kinds of crazy stuff (expensive venue for the shower, weekend bach party at a casino, professional hair etc). 

I'm all for at the very least <em>helping</em> plan your bach party.  If I didn't have any say, we would wind up in NYC at a bar, and I don't like the city and I don't like bars.  I see nothing wrong with having input on the way you spend an evening out with the girls.  If it is over the top, but you can afford it, I say go for it. 

pirategal03

My girls are planning something, and I'd feel really weird if I didn't have a say in what it is, and if I didn't pay for part of it.  We're the kind that would all pay our own way to a weekend at the beach anyway, so just because we may do that for a different reason than ususal, I think it would be ridiculous if I said  "I'm not helping plan, and I'm not helping pay".

betrothed123

I don't think brides should be under the impression that they deserve to have a b-party.  I didn't have one and everything was perfectly fine.  I find it really AWish to plan your own.

MarriedInAFever

I may or may not have one. My MOH is being really flakey. I think my bridesman might throw one, which would be fun.

But I'm not going to throw my own.

maratea

I sort of helped plan mine, along with my MOH and some friends. It was more of a "Hey let's go out to eat, then go to a few area bars." It wasn't at all formal, more just a word of mouth kinda thing. I didn't really want it to be a "bachelorette" party, but my friends got me a stupid sash and a penis headband. I wore them because I felt like I had to.

zitiqueen

We had our wedding in Las Vegas and since most of our guests had either never been to LV before or had last been there when Caesars was the hot new casino on the Strip, the airport was still called McCarran Field, and they rolled a stairway up to your plane for you to board/de-plane, I sort of took it upon myself to plan a girly day two days before the wedding. I sent all the ladies an email a week or two beforehand that said "I'll be at the Luxor spa at X:00 if you care to join, here's the website link for more info; I'll be at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay for dinner later on at X:00 if you care to join; who knows where we'll go from there, but everybody is welcome to join!"

So I guess one could say I planned my own bachelorette party.

[Deleted User]

I think it's one thing to have a lot of input into the bach party, but it's totally something different to plan the entire thing. The latter would be tacky, IMO.

For me, I knew I wanted something very low key (if anything at all) and my MOH knew that, so she planned a girls' dinner. I wouldn't have wanted anything more extravagant. I'm too old and I embarrass too easily.

LoveOfMikesLife

My sister/MOH is planning my B-party with the help of some of the other BP. I have given imput and told them that I want to help pay. But I'm also the girl that thinks the penis straws and saches are funny. I know my sister got me a tiara for the party, I will not be wearing one or wanted to wear one on the wedding day so I think its fine for the B-party!

Has anyone heard of a "suck for a buck' t shirt? We found a website where the bride wears a shirt that says that and it has lifesavers taped to it and then random guys pay to eat a lifesaver off the shirt. Thats going a little to far for me

Bubbalub

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_planning-own-bach-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c4e1bd4-378a-40fc-8063-f35ddd5f1eb4Post:7293203b-1d91-4dfe-bd0b-0d22ff76bbf7">Re: Planning Your Own Bach: What Do You Think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's one thing to have a lot of input into the bach party, but it's totally something different to plan the entire thing. The latter would be tacky, IMO. 
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>i 2 i, Cew.</div><div>
</div><div>My friends asked me what I wanted to do for my bach party. I said something relaxing like a spa day or wine tasting or, hell, there's a place in the city called Candy Bar that is all delicious alcohol and chocolate which I've wanted to try out for ages. I'm willing to pay for my own spa treatments and the like because those are expensive. Wine tasting is cheap, either free or just a few bucks for the premium wines so I would only ask that I not be the driver so I wouldn't have to worry. My friends really want to make sure I have a good time so, even though it feels a little weird telling them what I want to do for a party for me, they sincerely want to know so I tell them.

</div>

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I guess if some brides want to do it - then whatever.

As for me?  No way.  It's mostly because quite frankly, with my full time job and all the money and time I'm spending on other wedding shiit, I simply don't have time to throw myself an obnoxious party.  If my girls want to throw me something then fine.

My sister has asked me what kinds of things I'd like to do for my bach party - and last year when I planned hers, I asked her the same thing.  But when I and her bridesmaids were planning her party, she stayed out of it.  I plan to do the same as she and the rest of my girls plan mine.

I actually don't really want one of those cliche drunken screaming bachelorette parties with penises everywhere.  I'd rather just hang on the lake all day with some drinks and grill or something. 

Lenore2010

The deal with mine was what I call a "Emily Post Hypocrisy". It was actually sort of funny.

My MOH was  HUGE on my having a bach. However, it quickly occurred to me she really could not plan it and wanted me to do it. She confirmed it in so many words.

So, we sent the invites out in her name to a gathering a both genders at a friend's place (he enthusiastically offered, I did not ask). The usual embarrassing bach gifts were given, my MOH got some plastic penis whistles (yikes) and a good time was had by all. I got a bunch of pizza and ribs for food and we had some drinks (but no drunkenness).

So, I did not send the invites but yes I planned the whole thing. I did not expect a bach (thought it was a little silly at my age, actually) but I was very amused she insisted I have one.

I still think though that if you really want to avoid the AW factor of it all, you will decline showers, decline a bach, and have a low key wedding where you do not spend ungodly amounts on looking fabulous and having your pictures taken. I still say the whole wedding experience is an AW extravaganza.

Of course it can also be said that sometimes a little pretense (like pretending your big fat wedding is NOT an AW experience via things like not planning your bach) is the heart of good manners.

Still, I am all in favor of the bridal AW experience. Just please don't plaster pics of your engagement rock all over your Facebook profile. I am sure lots of perfectly great and nice people here have done it, but trust me it looks like you are saying "look what my FI can afford!!"- particularly when it is a mega rock.

-edited for spelling

JudieN

Well, a lot of my BM live in a different state than me, and we try to take a trip together once a year. For the past two years these trips have doubled as a bachelorette weekend. So mine is happening the same way. We are having the weekend at the beach in August (although my wedding isn't until December) and using it as an excuse to have a girls weekend, sans boys, since we don't get the chance to see each other often (it has been a year since I have seen one of my BMs).

All that being said - I definitely helped plan where we were going, what weekend, etc. And since we are using this as an excuse for an entire girls weekend at the beach I am 100% paying my own way. I think all the girls are planning something special for me while we are there that will be a surprise, but I am not sure what that is.

So...I think it depends on your friends and what type of party is being planned. I would never in a million years expect my girls to pay for this entire weekend for me...and each girl has been involved in planning the basics around her own bachelorette/girls weekend (where we were going, what we wanted to do) but then we plan something special and surprising for her - including some gifts and such. But part of this is due to the fact that my close friend group, although still close, is geographically far apart...so we don't get to see each other often. It may be different if we all lived in the same city and spent time together all the time...

J&K10910

I honestly do not see a problem with a bride who has people who are unwilling or unable to plan and pay for a party getting her closest female friends together for a night on the town or something and everyone paying their own way.  How is that any different from someone saying "Hey, let's go out tonight!!"?  Now, if it was complete with tacky bachelorette and penis attire, that might be weird.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_planning-own-bach-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c4e1bd4-378a-40fc-8063-f35ddd5f1eb4Post:b7b3c13b-040d-4c92-8389-cac8035acbbe">Re: Planning Your Own Bach: What Do You Think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly do not see a problem with a bride who has people who are unwilling or unable to plan and pay for a party getting her closest female friends together for a night on the town or something and everyone paying their own way.  How is that any different from someone saying "Hey, let's go out tonight!!"?  Now, if it was complete with tacky bachelorette and penis attire, that might be weird.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I completely agree that there's no problem in planning a night out with the girls.  My issue with it is when someone says let's all get together because of <strong>ME</strong>!!  That's when it becomes AWish to me- when it goes from just a night out to a night out surrounding one person, who just so happened to plan the party because she couldn't handle not having a night where everyone fawns all over her.

Lenore2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_planning-own-bach-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c4e1bd4-378a-40fc-8063-f35ddd5f1eb4Post:b7b3c13b-040d-4c92-8389-cac8035acbbe">Re: Planning Your Own Bach: What Do You Think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I honestly do not see a problem with a bride who has people who are unwilling or unable to plan and pay for a party getting her closest female friends together for a night on the town or something and everyone paying their own way.  How is that any different from someone saying "Hey, let's go out tonight!!"?  <strong>Now, if it was complete with tacky bachelorette and penis attire, that might be weird.</strong>
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

<div>My hatred of that stuff knows no bounds. I saved not even one penis whistle. </div>

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_planning-own-bach-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c4e1bd4-378a-40fc-8063-f35ddd5f1eb4Post:8ca94fe9-de4c-443f-8e22-004049934c74">Re: Planning Your Own Bach: What Do You Think?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Planning Your Own Bach: What Do You Think? : I completely agree that there's no problem in planning a night out with the girls.  My issue with it is when someone says let's all get together because of ME !!  That's when it becomes AWish to me- when it goes from just a night out to a night out surrounding one person, who just so happened to plan the party because she couldn't handle not having a night where everyone fawns all over her.
Posted by betrothed123[/QUOTE]

But what if she planned the party because she wanted one big blowout with her closest friends before she got married?  I can definitely see your side, and I agree--that's lame.  But I don't see someone saying "Hey, I'm getting married!  Let's celebrate together because you guys are my closest friends and I'll be too busy at the wedding and reception and for awhile before and after to really spend a lot of time with you!" as automatically someone who planned a party because she couldn't handle not having a night where everyone fawns all over her. 

(With all this said, I am NOT planning my own b-party--because it kind of sounds like I am ;) )

J&K10910

I just re-read your post, and I'm not sure why I'm arguing with you, because I'm pretty sure you actually agree   My bad, yo.

betrothed123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_planning-own-bach-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c4e1bd4-378a-40fc-8063-f35ddd5f1eb4Post:4e61db7e-7748-4e9b-b78d-b10694732c11">Re: Planning Your Own Bach: What Do You Think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just re-read your post, and I'm not sure why I'm arguing with you, because I'm pretty sure you actually agree ;)  My bad, yo.
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]
Haha!  I read your response and was like "Yeah, J, that's kind of what I said" ;)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I don't think there's pressure to plan one, because they aren't required. I guess the issue is really wanting one when your friends don't want to plan one. Which is cool. I *might* invite friends out for drinks a week before the wedding in that case, but not call it a b-party.

My friends are really excited about planning my bachelorette, and we're actually renting a cabin for a weekend. I am not, however, having a shower. That's not something they'd like to plan, and I'm fine with it.

However, I'll be chipping in however much everyone else is chipping in, if they'll let me. One of my friends came up with the weekend away idea and also asked what kind of activities I wanted.

J&K10910

That sounds like a fun b-party, Mery!

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_planning-own-bach-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:8c4e1bd4-378a-40fc-8063-f35ddd5f1eb4Post:edd6fc67-43cf-4438-8c85-0fd25da2d5e1">Re: Planning Your Own Bach: What Do You Think?</a>:
[QUOTE]That sounds like a fun b-party, Mery!
Posted by J&K10910[/QUOTE]

I'm looking forward to it! We're trying to get a cabin with a hot tub. There's mountains and a lake in the area we're going to, and an Octoberfest starting in late September, so we're hitting that up.