future inlaws

[Deleted User]

Okay, so enough is enough.  I understand people are busy with their own lives, and everything but cant someone from his side throw some words of encouragement and excitement our way.  This all started back in August when we told his family (after we told my family) that we were engaged.... His mom said "i guess congrats"  supposely she was watching a movie and it took her off guard, but still.  How difficult is it to be happy for your son and his new fiance?  Okay so we didnt see anyone on his side of the the family until christmas day... but im getting ahead of my self.  His older brother just had his first baby, so all the attention is on them. Okay so back to christmas day, his sister, mom, and cousin didnt ask to see the ring, and they didnt care to talk about wedding day details either.  I understand its christmas, but seriously make me feel like im part of the family, please.  Everytime fiance and i get together with my family, they are always wedding talk crazy, and were so happy and excited for us when we got engaged.  they love him... almost more then they love me, but thats besides the point.  i just dont know what to do, to get his family to be interested in our wedding, or put some attention on us.  It really discourages me and makes me want to just run away with him and get married in vegas.... so cliche, but i just dont want people who dont support our love for eachother at our wedding, or in our lives.  Its really difficult on me, because before i was in fiances life, he was all about family... but with me in the picture, he has slowly drifted away from that.  I dont know what to do. sorry for the rant.

Wife Kitty

Allow me to play Devil's Advocate here. Sometimes if people are overwhelmed by a lot of emotional stuff going on at once, they shut down and behave as though they're completely stoic, when inside, the opposite is true. 

Observe the situation here: your in-laws just became first-time grandparents, then you got engaged, then Christmas came. Three whammies at once, and happy whammies can take the wind out of us just as much as sad whammies can. It can leave a person feeling unable to put anything into words, so... there are few or no words spoken.

When I first moved out of the house, I was mad at my dad because he was watching TV and seemed like he "couldn't be bothered" to pause the movie long enough to even turn around and look at me when I said goodbye. He didn't move to get up to hug me or anything. (It also didn't help that we'd been fighting in the weeks leading up to my move.) I thought at the time that he didn't care that I was leaving, that I was less important to him than what was on the TV screen. I found out later that he was so overcome that he felt like he couldn't handle it, so his way of keeping himself together was to... well... not handle it.

He's doing a similar thing now that I'm getting married. He seemed happy when we announced our engagement - even raised a toast to us at dinner - but he has asked no questions about the wedding since then at all. Hasn't called me, hasn't been interested in how planning is going, nothing. But now I know him well enough to know that it isn't personal; he's just putting on his emotional blinders because otherwise he might just break down. It's hard for parents, I imagine, to see their adult children move on - no matter how happy they are for them or how much they may love the fiance.

brittany634

Nobody is going to be as excited about YOUR Wedding as you.Don't dwell on it, plan the wedding you want. It doesn't havea anythign to do with not supporting/loving you.

jennylee813

What Edie and Brittany have said.

As the time gets closer, they'll get more excited. Right now it's not on thier radar the same way as it is on yours.

It's the same way for me too. My family is pretty apathetic, but FI's family is non-stop talk. It did hurt at first, but I got over it. Bottom line: FI will be married at the end of the day. They can be happy and supportive or not. All that matters is that we're together.

Marrin713

My first set of inlaws were sort of the same.  They were happy for us but didn't throw themselves head first into any of the planning like my parents did.  Xin-laws had been through it before with the older kids; for my parents I was the first (and it seems only) so it was new and exciting for them.  Like PPs have written, just plan your wedding; the closer it gets the more excited they may become.  Focus more on integrating yourself into the family.  The wedding is one day.

vinnieandmegs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_future-inlaws?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:92d2d494-9991-4885-828e-aa5595bb18cdPost:12aa2681-f744-490d-a98e-a24212afd721">future inlaws</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay, so enough is enough.  I understand people are busy with their own lives, and everything but cant someone from his side throw some words of encouragement and excitement our way.  This all started back in August when we told his family (after we told my family) that we were engaged.... His mom said "i guess congrats"  supposely she was watching a movie and it took her off guard, but still.  How difficult is it to be happy for your son and his new fiance?  Okay so we didnt see anyone on his side of the the family until christmas day... but im getting ahead of my self.  His older brother just had his first baby, so all the attention is on them. Okay so back to christmas day, his sister, mom, and cousin didnt ask to see the ring, and they didnt care to talk about wedding day details either.  I understand its christmas, but seriously make me feel like im part of the family, please.  Everytime fiance and i get together with my family, they are always wedding talk crazy, and were so happy and excited for us when we got engaged.  they love him... almost more then they love me, but thats besides the point.  i just dont know what to do, to get his family to be interested in our wedding, or put some attention on us.  It really discourages me and makes me want to just run away with him and get married in vegas.... so cliche, but i just dont want people who dont support our love for eachother at our wedding, or in our lives.  Its really difficult on me, because before i was in fiances life, he was all about family... but with me in the picture, he has slowly drifted away from that.  I dont know what to do. sorry for the rant.
Posted by Asha3988[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>No, that is messed up. It sounds really hurtful the way they have behaved. I would be crushed if his family brushed me off like that! In laws are all crazy, trust me, but ouch! </div><div>
</div><div>It is true that no one will really care about your wedding like YOU do. And maybe your mom! That's just how it is! But I completely understand the way you are feeling. The part about you think your FI is drifting from his family - I honestly believe that tends to happen when men take a wife. I mean, you are his life. And it should be that way! And besides, if they are not meeting your emotional needs, it will be impossible to have a meaningful relationship with any of them. Focus on your big day with the man you love - That is what matters!!

</div>

alexnicole452647

Asha I understand your hurt with the situation, and there is no way anyone can tell you that it isnt or that you shouldnt feel that way.  Personally I think it is best to focus on the goos (as hard as that may be) and ignore the bad.  It is your day and it will be about you and your fiance and it will be wonderful regardless of crabby in-laws