From TN: Adoptive parents forced to return daughter to biological father

jemmini6

http://www.postandcourier.com/news/2012/jan/01/couple-forced-to-give-up-daughter/

Thoughts??


CN:  Parents raised girl since birth, she is now 2 years old.  Father initially signed away his parental rights to the birth mother, but claims he didn't know she intended to put her up for adoption. (bio mom said he told her he'd sign away his rights as long as she never came after him for child support or anything concerning the child).  However, because the father is part Cherokee, the Cherokee Nation got involved and due to a law about 'preserving' native families, the courts have ruled that the father is entitled to custody of the girl.

Steph0871

This was discussed in the unpop op thread already.

jemmini6

Ah...nevermind then.  LOL.  I should go in those threads more often, but I don't have the time to keep up with them while I'm at work. 

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tn-adoptive-parents-forced-return-daughter-biological-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:956a2ee7-c45f-47f1-ba4a-8ad5b5b61097Post:49276975-aac5-47a6-8497-827b6cc43419">Re: From TN: Adoptive parents forced to return daughter to biological father</a>:
[QUOTE]This was discussed in the unpop op thread already. ;)
Posted by Steph0871[/QUOTE]
But it was far in and I skipped those pages. THis is interesting. And wrong. 

alynne1113

Wow....this is really sad for the adoptive parents.

Blueyed228

Yeah, thats not damaging to the kid at all. 

Celles

Assuming that the biological father is telling the truth (i.e., he signed away his rights believing that the birth mom would raise the child herself), then I think it's a sad situation for everyone involved.  I also think it's sad that stories like this make so many couples shy away from adoption.  In the end, it hurts much more than the two families involved.

jemmini6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tn-adoptive-parents-forced-return-daughter-biological-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:956a2ee7-c45f-47f1-ba4a-8ad5b5b61097Post:09aa4c6f-0ca3-48e9-ac80-e6e7e8c5098a">Re: From TN: Adoptive parents forced to return daughter to biological father</a>:
[QUOTE]Assuming that the biological father is telling the truth (i.e., he signed away his rights believing that the birth mom would raise the child herself), then I think it's a sad situation for everyone involved.  I also think it's sad that stories like this make so many couples shy away from adoption.  In the end, it hurts much more than the two families involved.
Posted by Celles[/QUOTE]

Even then though, he SIGNED AWAY HIS RIGHTS, why should it matter if it was to the bio mom or adoptive parents?  He obviously had no interest in raising a child, but all of a sudden because his ex isn't raising her (and I'm assuming would have been struggling financially, especially since he specifically requested that he never pay child support) now he wants to be a dad?  I don't doubt that there are situations where it really does suck for everyone involved, but I'm just not getting that feeling from this one.

bltata

I can't say I agree with the ruling here.  I think if the father never wanted to be contacted concerning anything with the daughter, then it shouldn't matter who is raising her.  Preserving the Cherokee nation?  How about doing what is best for the child. 

Celles

Jem -- according to the article, the father believed he was signing away his rights to the child's mother and not to the adopted parents.  Obviously, we don't know if this is true or not.  The adopted parents allege that it isn't.  But assuming that it IS true, then I can't help but feel that deciding not to contest an ex's decision to raise your child on her own is a lot different from allowing a pair of strangers you have never met to do so.  If he had all the facts, maybe he would have made a different decision.  Or maybe not.  We have no way of knowing for sure.

Also, the sad fact is that adoption agencies lie.  The agency that arranged my adoption told my adopted parents that my teenage birth mother had abandoned me without a second thought, when the reality is that her parents forced her to surrender me against her will.  The adoption agency also allowed my birth mom's parents (who are white and racist) to believe I was going to a Caucasion couple, and my biological father's parents (who are Asian and racist) to believe I was going to an Asian couple.  Basically, the agency said everything everyone wanted to hear to make the adoption as smooth as possible.  As a result of these lies, my adopted parents (a biracial couple, contrary to both of the agency's stories!) spent my entire childhood hating my birth mom for what they perceived as her rejection of me, and attempting to protect me from the truth of my birth as a result. 

I'm probably biased towards this story as a result of my own experiences (which I'm aware are not the norm), but I think it's entirely possible that everyone is telling the truth from their perspective and that the true fault lies with whoever brokered the adoption in the first place.

Blueyed228

Celles: I disagree.  If he signed his rights away, then he should have NO RIGHTS to the baby.  Its the bio moms right to do whatever she wants with the child after he signs the rights away.

To me, it sounds like he wanted out of any financial responsibility, but thought he would still be able to have contact and a relationship with the child since he "knew" the mom, and now that cant happen because he doesnt "know" the adoptive parents.

You cant have your cake and eat it to.

Celles

Blue -- I'd side with the adopted parents in the legal case, too. 

But as a social issue, I'm not willing to make assumptions about the biological father's motives based on the limited information provided in the article.  I also think the entire heartbreaking situation could have been avoided if whoever brokered the adoption (I think it was an adoption attorney?) had insisted on full disclosure from the beginning.  The birth mom shouldn't have been able to keep the biological father out of the loop like she (allegedly) did. 


(edit: for clarification.  Hopefully.)

Blueyed228

I would agree if she did it behind his back, or while he was overseas, but he signed his rights over.  There is not much that is confusing about that.  Either you want the rights to your baby, or you dont.

I have a feeling when this goes to the Supreme Court, the adoptive parents will get the kid back.  Or at least I hope so.  My niece is 2, I cant imagine her being taken away from my sister.  They know who mom and dad are at that age.  The kid must be so afraid and sad.

Mrs.B6302007

What a heart-wrenching story. I couldn't help but tear up while reading it. 

Simply Fated

When you sign away rights, you sign away the right to decide who raises your kid. If he cared so much who raised the child, then he shouldn't have signed away his rights. He had no right to be in the loop. The very fact that he did that should have been enough for the courts to disregard the father's opinion. What's sick is that this has become an issue of race and culture and the judge based his decision on that.

JennaV26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tn-adoptive-parents-forced-return-daughter-biological-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:956a2ee7-c45f-47f1-ba4a-8ad5b5b61097Post:f2054db4-6c46-4fb9-be0b-ca3ec693380b">Re: From TN: Adoptive parents forced to return daughter to biological father</a>:
[QUOTE]Celles: I disagree.  If he signed his rights away, then he should have NO RIGHTS to the baby.  Its the bio moms right to do whatever she wants with the child after he signs the rights away. To me, it sounds like he wanted out of any financial responsibility, but thought he would still be able to have contact and a relationship with the child since he "knew" the mom, and now that cant happen because he doesnt "know" the adoptive parents. You cant have your cake and eat it to.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>I could not agree with you more. If you sign away your rights to your child once, that should be it. You're done. Besides, who's to say he won't change his mind later since he obviously didn't want his child to begin with?</div><div>
</div><div>Do all adoptive parents face the possibility of having to give up their child if the biological parents change their mind? Or was this just possible because of the Indian Child Welfare Act?</div>

JennaV26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tn-adoptive-parents-forced-return-daughter-biological-father?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:956a2ee7-c45f-47f1-ba4a-8ad5b5b61097Post:06f94aa9-51c6-4d6d-bc03-2577e3c726e7">Re: From TN: Adoptive parents forced to return daughter to biological father</a>:
[QUOTE]When you sign away rights, you sign away the right to decide who raises your kid. If he cared so much who raised the child, then he shouldn't have signed away his rights. He had no right to be in the loop. The very fact that he did that should have been enough for the courts to disregard the father's opinion. <strong>What's sick is that this has become an issue of race and culture and the judge based his decision on that.</strong>
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

<div>Agree with this too!</div>