Am I being sensitive? Or was this out of line?

chelseamb11

I was e-mailing with FMIL today about the details of the rehearsal dinner as well as the family tables for the wedding.  FI has an uncle (S)  on his dad's side who has down syndrome.  He still lives with his parents and is very attached to them.  He is pretty high functioning, but still gets upset if he's separated from them, especially at family events.  At FSIL's wedding, she didn't put S at the family table with their grandparents, and both grandparents and S were really upset about it. She even knew they'd be upset so she asked us all to not tell them and that they'd just figure it out when they arrived at the reception.

Because of this, FI and I decided to make room for S at the family table with FI's parents and grandparents.  We didn't want anyone to be upset and there was room for them.  FMIL emailed me that it wasn't necessary.  I reminded her of FSIL's wedding.  This was her response: 

S got his undies in a bit of a bundle cuz he likes to be the center of attention (because of his Down’s syndrome, he has the mentality of a 3^rd or 4^th grader in a lot of things), but Aunt T agreed with us that it isn’t appropriate or necessary for S to sit at the reserved table……S is partial to Aunt K & her family, so I’m sure he’d think he was hot stuff if he could sit with them anyway. 


Ummm okay? I've been around him several times and he's never been Mr. Center of Attention.  I feel like her description of him was extremly... idk. I can't think of the adjective, but it really bothered me.  It has nothing to do with him wanting to be the center of attention.  Because of his Downs, he just doesn't like being separated from his parents in social gatherings.

Am I being overly sensitive or am I justified in feeling like that was totally out of line? 

LDYGTR13

That was a pretty rude statement. I think you're in the right on this one. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I don't think you are being overly sensitive and I don't see why it's such a big deal to seat S with his parents or grandparents.  Sounds to me like FMIL doesn't want to sit with him, which is pretty shitty of her.

specialk84

That was pretty shitty of her. I'd go with your original plan of seating him with his parents.

mehgank

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-sensitive-or-was-this-out-of-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9f1a8687-6bc6-4dff-ae34-8b17f4561855Post:d6a18595-6ac4-4008-b89a-ddc167bb0e94">Re: Am I being sensitive? Or was this out of line?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you are being overly sensitive and I don't see why it's such a big deal to seat S with his parents or grandparents.  Sounds to me like FMIL doesn't want to sit with him, <strong>which is pretty shitty of her.</strong>
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]


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Sounds to me like she's trying to reverse-psychologize (is that a word?) you into not seating him with her.

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-sensitive-or-was-this-out-of-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9f1a8687-6bc6-4dff-ae34-8b17f4561855Post:d6a18595-6ac4-4008-b89a-ddc167bb0e94">Re: Am I being sensitive? Or was this out of line?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you are being overly sensitive and I don't see why it's such a big deal to seat S with his parents or grandparents. <strong> Sounds to me like FMIL doesn't want to sit with him, which is pretty shitty of her.
</strong>Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]


I didn't even think of this.

Idk I've never noticed how much she interacts with him when they're bothi n the same room.  Her justification is that none of FI's other aunts and uncles are sitting at a reserved table, so why is he?  Dumb reasoning if you ask me.  She also thinks there won't be room for him.  The tables hold 8.  With him at it, there are 8 adults and one baby (the baby is in ahigh chair, so he won't take up that much space).

LetsHikeToday

Have you talked to the aunt., I would ask her where she and her son would like to sit. I agree that it's probably because your FMIL doesn't want to sit with him.m

AllAboutTheBenjamin

See Chels, this is the exact moment where a bride is justified in saying "Yeah?  Well biiitch, IT'S MY DAY, and YOU WILL SIT WHERE I TELL YOU TO SIT, HEIFER."  The end.

BubbsNBubbs

If you already have the high chair at the table.....why not add him to the table...thus keeping the adult count at the table the same as other tables and you don't have to worry about odd numbers.  Plus...if it's what he prefers and you can make it work...seems like the chance to earn some brownie points with the rest of the family.

chelseamb11

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-sensitive-or-was-this-out-of-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9f1a8687-6bc6-4dff-ae34-8b17f4561855Post:e356bb88-c3f7-4de1-9357-05c8f794a658">Re: Am I being sensitive? Or was this out of line?</a>:
[QUOTE]See Chels, this is the exact moment where a bride is justified in saying "Yeah?  Well biiitch, IT'S MY DAY, and YOU WILL SIT WHERE I TELL YOU TO SIT, HEIFER."  The end.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

I would loev to see her reaction if I did that haha.
At this point, I'm going to hand it off to FI.  He can talk to his dad (who is S's brother) and see what his dad (who is a perfectly reasonable human being) thinks about it.

NuggetBrain

In Response to Re:Am I being sensitive? Or was this out of line?:See Chels, this is the exact moment where a bride is justified in saying quot;Yeah?nbsp; Well biiitch, IT'S MY DAY, and YOU WILL SIT WHERE I TELL YOU TO SIT, HEIFER.quot;nbsp; The end. Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin Thissssss. Your FMIL sucks elephant balls. Put S where he'll be the most comfortable. How does your FI FFIL feel about this?

jcg98

In Response to Re:Am I being sensitive? Or was this out of line?:[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Am I being sensitive? Or was this out of line?:See Chels, this is the exact moment where a bride is justified in saying "Yeah?nbsp; Well biiitch, IT'S MY DAY, and YOU WILL SIT WHERE I TELL YOU TO SIT, HEIFER."nbsp; The end.Posted by AllAboutTheBenjaminI would loev to see her reaction if I did that haha.At this point, I'm going to hand it off to FI.nbsp; He can talk to his dad who is S's brother and see what his dad who is a perfectly reasonable human being thinks about it. Posted by chelseamb11[/QUOTE]
Good call. If FMIL is uncomfortable sitting with S, shame on her.

aragx6

I would sit him with whomever you want to and not give FMIL a second thought.

That said, I've known a lot of down adults who are social butterflies and happy to be on their own -- it's not as if it's his down alone that makes him uncomfortable around strangers.

chelseamb11

It's not even her reasoning that bothers me(space issue), cuz I get that.

But geez what she wrote was just so insensitive!  Just when I thought she couldn't get any ruder, she does ish like this.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

You should seat her with the mutants at Table 9

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_am-i-being-sensitive-or-was-this-out-of-line?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:9f1a8687-6bc6-4dff-ae34-8b17f4561855Post:f4948f35-19fb-44ea-9134-4feea8675212">Re: Am I being sensitive? Or was this out of line?</a>:
[QUOTE]You should seat her with the mutants at Table 9
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

My favorite Adam Sandler movie. He was actually likeable in it :)

jemmini6

I had an uncle with Down syndrome, and he was always the center of attention too.  You know why?  Because he was f-ing awesome and everyone loved him.  Your FMIL sounds like a b*tch.

futuremrsbruno

Your FMIL needs to be the one sitting at a different table. Obviously, if your FI's uncle is more comfortable sitting with his parents, that's where he should be whether she likes it or not. (I also happen to know that even those with Down's Syndrome who are more independent have a hard time at social events because it's something they are not used to.) This is her BIL and she doesn't know this? Your FMIL is a serious douchee just sayin!!

Tell her if she gives you a hard time that "Because I'm the BRIDE that's why!!"