Let it Go? (long)

Mariah&Steven

Ok, so when I was 16  my parents bought me a piano because I was pretty positive I'd be a music major once in college.  I took piano lessons during the summer before my Senior year of high school.Anyway, once moving to college, I couldn't bring the piano with me.  It's just an upright (nothing fancy like a baby grand or anything).  So it's been sitting in my parent's house because I live in an apartment and have no where to put it.About 6 months ago, my mom mentioned that she was going to give the piano to my sister for my niece Rachel to play on since Rachel seems interested in piano.  I got pretty upset because I considered that my piano that I'd take with me whenever I finally got a house.  I thought it was settled and that they weren't going to give the piano to my sister until I talked to my mom yesterday and she mentioned that they're going to do some redecorating and wanted my sister to come pick up the piano. I'm trying not to be upset about it.  I just feel like nothing in that house is mine anymore and that my mom is just giving my stuff away.  Granted, I have a pretty nice electric piano...I'm just worried that when I do finally get a teaching position, it won't be in the best school so I might have to take my piano to school and then have nothing to practice on when I come home.  My thoughts are that my sister and her husband have plenty of money to buy their own piano for Rachel.  Plus, I'm worried that Rachel is only 8 and she'll get bored and the piano will just sit at their house not being used.  Should I just let it go and let my sister take the piano or should I say something to them?  I don't want to seem selfish...but to me it wasn't up to my parents to just give my stuff away.  I feel like they guilt triped me when I told them I didn't want them to give the piano to my sister but then I don't want to seem like a mean aunt by not allowing my niece to have the piano....  I'm just confused on if I should just let it go or if I should say something to my sister.

juliebug1997

I am sorry. I'm someone who has a hard time letting go of things. I still get a little miffed when I think of my dad selling my fresh peach bedroom stuff out from under me 17 years ago. I think I would talk to my sister. Will it damage your relationship with her? That would be the deciding factor for me.

Jay&Marissa

Hmmm...as someone who took piano lesson for 2 years at a young age and then quit (but I'm starting again this fall!), I would say a keyboard would be more appropriate for a younger child until they were serious about it. I can understand why you would be upset. I say talk to your sister about it and see if she would be willing to give it back to you when you get a house.Also, you wouldn't believe the load of upright pianos that are available on Craigslist. In fact, my boss was about to give one away for free a few weeks ago, just to get rid of it!

emimayor

Okay, I'm going to touch on a couple issues that you mentioned. First of all, I totally understand how you feel about things not being yours anymore. Sadly, I understand that all too well. However, understand that your parents are seeing the sentimental value in the piano and you can't blame them for that. They're just seeing it as something taking up space and they're jumping on the opportunity to "get rid" of it and who is better than your niece. So, don't get boggled down on stuff anymore. It isn't worth it, and in the end you and Steven are creating your own life, there is no need for you to get upset because you're losing certain connections to your childhood home. Secondly, I would get over it, but I'd talk to your sister first. Tell her how you feel. I'm sure she isn't really part of this situation with your mom. She is probably just excited to not have to buy anything new. And if you explain to your sister that the piano is on loan until you can take back posession, then I'm sure she would be fine. So you're letting it go, but knowing that one day that piano will be back with you. I'd keep in between you and your sister at this point. Your mom just wants it out of the house for one reason or another. You can't hold it against her. Hope this helps. I hate watching my old things go away, but at least they're staying in the family.

shandars

I would tell your sister your plan, and see what she thinks. I would be like hey, I really want my piano, we just don't have a place for it until we get a house. Good Luck.

kris928

I would talk to your sister about it, tell her how you feel, that you want the piano you just don't have room for it in your apt...hopefully, she'll understand how you feel.

SarahandAlex2010

I think you should talk to your sister and ask her if maybe a keyboard might be a little more interesting for her. A keyboard is alot more fun because you can do different sounds and instruments! hahaAlso I know how you feel. Its hard to let go of stuff especially when you don't have anywhere to put it. Is it in the way of your parents house? Maybe you can talk to you mom and tell her how you feel. Let her know that you want to keep the piano and when you get a house you will move it with you. I dont think your being selfish at all. I think you might feel bad because its your neice but she might not want to play with it after a few months. I hope your sister will understand your feelings and no further problems are caused between you and your family. I hope everything gets better! I was in a similiar situation just a few weeks ago.

Mariah&Steven

Julie, hopefully it wouldn't hurt my relationship with my sister.  I don't want to be rude.  I'd probably just say, "Hey...Mom told me she was giving you the piano and I'm not sure how I feel about it since I feel that it was for me".The only reason why I'm not sure whether or not I can stake claim on the piano is because my parents bought it with their money, so I kind of feel like it's up to them to decide who should have it.  I know that the way they see it is that I have my electric piano and that should be sufficient.  And I guess it wouldn't be that big of a deal in the long run because I could just as easily go on Craig's List and find a piano like my sister could.It's just frustrating to not be able to come home and sleep in your room because it's been turned into the 'grandbabies" room and have your stuff given away to the grandkids.

Tiffany618

I agree with PP.   I too played piano for about 6 years, parents bought me a piano, and then I eventually quit playing...but I still want to have my piano in my house some day.  I totally understand where your coming from.Here is a thought (maybe a stupid one), do you currently use your electric piano?  If not, maybe you could let your niece borrow your electric piano for a little while and see if she likes playing and then decide what to do.  She may not even take to it, and then if your piano was moved it would have all been for nothing.

appletango85

I understand your feelings regarding your piano. I was saddened when my parents painted my bedroom at their house to make it guest friendly(one wall was blue with yellow rag roll and the bathroom was sponge painted orange and yellow) But I also have a house now that I can paint whatever I want! I agree with talking to your sister to let her know that you still plan on keeping it once you get a house. Maybe tell your mom that too and be like I don't mind my niece borrowing it but you got that as a gift for me and I was hoping to keep it once we get a house where it will fit and look nice in as it has a lot of sentimental value to me. Tell her it means a lot to you because it was as gift from them. Turn the guilt trip around ;)GL!

callie_knot

Mariah - the almost same thing happened to me. My grandmother had bought me my piano (which is a supernice restored upright with a carved front) and in the apt I live in there's no room for it. I have had that piano since I was 10 and I had no intention of parting with it. Well last year she called me and said she was thinking of giving it to someone at church. WHAT?? This piano has the most wonderful sound and it is part of me. It is what I grew up playing on. I called my parents and they were like "you can get another". Um no. I can't afford 2000+ to shell out on another piano. And I thought. And then I realized my grandmother must not realize what that piano means to me. So I went and took her to lunch and told her. Nobody else in my family is a music person and they just didn't get it. My grandmother honestly said she didn't understand what it meant to me. She knew that in the next few years my parents would be downsizing and she thought that I wouldn't be taking it with me. Then I talked to my parents and found that they were kind of the instigators of it. They wanted to start getting rid of stuff because they're thinking of moving when the economy gets a little better. I told them to please hang on to my piano and if I'm not moved somewhere that I can have it by the time they do that, I'll have it put into storage. Hopefully, we'll be in a house or something ground floor by then.I don't think you're being selfish. To non-music people, it's just a big piece of furniture taking up space. No sentimental value. I think you should explain what the piano means to you and that you never intended not to take it with you. Just my 2 cents.

Donnaaries

Mariah, I think if you approach the subject nicely with your sister, she probably wouldn't take offense.  Maybe let her know it's a "loaner" until you have a place for it.  I agree that your mom is probably just trying to get the piano out of the house and saw this as a great opportunity to do so.

BanannaP

It's just frustrating to not be able to come home and sleep in your room because it's been turned into the 'grandbabies" roomMariah, your feelings are totally valid on this, but I had to chuckle a little because my dad turned my old room into his office the day after I moved out. Literally. I actually didn't really care, though. Just like my parents sold my upright piano and I didn't care because I had my electric piano. That being said, though, if it's important to you, you should let your feelings be known, to both your mom and your sister. You're allowed to feel what you feel, even if other people don't really "get" it.

BanannaP

To non-music people, it's just a big piece of furniture taking up space.I have to disagree with this. I'm a music person, and I kind of feel that way. I love my electric piano, and if I got a new instrument, it would probably be the fancy electric piano I was drooling over at Guitar Center. But maybe it's because piano's not my primary instrument. Or maybe I'm just not that sentimental.

Mariah&Steven

Callie, that's exactly how I feel!  I do think they think it's just a big piece of furniture taking up space...and I don't think they've ever really understood any of my sentimental value towards music or my furniture that my nieces play all over (antique, that was given to me by my deceased grandmother).  I can't wait to have a house so that I can go and get the furniture that's been sitting around in my old room and sitting in their garage.  It will be nice to not have to worry about whether or not my parents are going to get rid of it! Part of me thinks it's not worth it to make a big deal out of it because it may seem silly...I mean, I do have my electric and if I do end up needing a piano, I could always check in and see if my piano is really being used.  Like some of you have said, at least it's being kept in the family.

callie_knot

Well I have a really nice electric I got in college. A double-weighted keyboard by Yahama - the P-200 - which has the graded hammer effect and the closest thing to feeling like a "real" piano I could find. But it's just not the same. It is a wonderful piano but it never will have the tone of my other one (which is a restored Richmond upright grand). I think my grandmother and parents thought "oh she has another piano now" and thought I didn't want or need the other one.

Mariah&Steven

Callie, I have a nice one too with the weighted keys.  It's nice...but nothing compares to a real piano.

Terriniski

I also recommend talking to your sister - explain that the piano was a gift to you and is additionally sentimental and you think you will have use for it someday.  See if she'll agree to the "loan" idea until you get a house and have room for it. I have a similar arrangement with my parents.  When I was young, my mom bought me an antique day bed (I had to chip in $100 of my own money, which was a lot for a kid).  So even though that bed has been in my sister's room at home for years, I've expressed to my mom that when I get a house, I will take a week off from work to go out to California and haul that and maybe a few other things. I understand the feeling that you don't have your own stuff or space at your parents' house.  I'm the only child out of four that doesn't really have my own space.  My room has turned into a guest room, and I essentially have the closet for my old stuff.  My mom tried to make it a room that could be "mine," but it hasn't really turned out that way because she just piles stuff in there or gives the furniture to my siblings and puts in something different.  Oh, well...

Jay&Marissa

Haha, my teenage brother already moves into my room every time I go back to college.It's gross

krhoades

My theory is you'll never know if you don't try...you are very well spoken, I have no doubt that you can approach your sister without offending her. My sister and I are very close and very open/honest with her. She tries to take my stuff all of the time so it's a constant battle with her. I went to her apartment when she first got it and it was filled with MY stuff from growing up. I didn't mind much but there were a few things I made well aware that when I had the means of getting them from Houston to Dallas that I'd be coming back for them.

Buttercup509

I was in a similar situation several years ago.  I grew up playing the piano, and when I was 12 my aunt, who also plays, gave me an upright.  When I was living in Colorado my mother calls me and tells she wants to sell me piano.  I thought we had agreed that she would keep it for me, but when I came home to visit a few months later it was gone.  I was crushed.At least yours will still be in the family.  Hopefully you can work things out with your sister and get it back when you get a house.

rcpm44

I know I'm late on this but wanted to chime in. Mariah, it looks like you feel terrible about wanting to keep the piano that was a gift to you. Stop trying to devalidate (if there is such a word) your feelings. This piano was a gift and means a lot to you. Who cares if you have an electric piano or not. It doesn't have the same meaning as the one your parents gifted you. And, that's another thing. It was a gift to you. You don't give gifts to people and then down the road say "Oh, you know that sweater I got you last year? Well I'm gonna give it to my sister." The person would look at you like you're crazy! I totally agree that the way you feel is NOT selfish or wrong or anything of the sort. And that you should talk to you sister about how this is your piano and that while your niece may use it until you get a home (which hopefully will be soon) but you want it back once you have space for it. I'm not sure if talking to your mom would really do anything simply because you mentioned that you already did and you thought that this was all settled. Try talking to her, there is no harm in trying, and explaining how much it means to you and if she doesn't understand that's when I would go to your sister and try to explain to her. Sorry this is so long, but you have every right to be upset. I would be too! 

callie_knot

Very well put, RCPM!!!