Self help books

JenGin74

Tim was listening to the radio last week and they were interviewing this woman that wrote a book about how to fight productively with your mate.

Tim ordered it.

My first reaction was fear because I though he might feel like something's wrong. I told him that I think we fight very well (we really do) and that we've never had a problem that we couldn't work out.

He said he wanted to get it as "insurance" because even though he agrees that we fight well, he says there's always room for improvement.

My eyes actually teared up a little because I never knew he actually pondered our relationship.

How would you react if your H / FI got a relationship self help book?

marriedfilingjointly

Awww, don't feel bad.  He probably should have approached it as "hey, check out this book, do you think it would be cool to read it together?"so that you didn't feel like there was a problem, but sometimes guys aren't really that forward-thinking.


ETA:  oops, reading comprehension fail.

september's bride

I don't think I'd be bothered by it, necessarily. I think it's better to have resources on hand because there's no real way to "do" relationships - we pretty much all just fly by the seats of our pants and hope that it works out because we try our best.

Change in a relationship is inevitable, and so any help that's available for managing that change would be welcome in my house if he wanted it.

JenGin74

After he explained it, I thought it was really sweet but my initial reaction was like "what the hell did I do?"

LessThanZero

I think that's cute and very thoughtful actually.

I think I'd find it weird if FI did that. We fight "well" too for the most part. Similar to OWN, FI also doesn't like to discuss difficult things too often. But every now and then he'll have a couple of drinks and spill the beans on all his love and feelings and such.

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-books?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7b1b231-8433-4f76-a739-a3d28af016bePost:62d842be-cbda-4074-b09c-b76b8ef5f7b9">Re: Self help books</a>:
[QUOTE]After he explained it, I thought it was really sweet but my initial reaction was like "what the hell did I do?"
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]

I imagine it'd go similarily for me.

LesPaul

I wouldn't be bothered by it - I like to read some self-help books myself, and it doesn't necessarily mean we're in trouble.  DH asked me to read the 5 Love Languages when we started dating to help build our communication skills together.  I thought it was cool that he asked me to read it.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-books?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7b1b231-8433-4f76-a739-a3d28af016bePost:6d17bd95-e521-427a-888d-b0bea7cead83">Re: Self help books</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Self help books : This would be how I would take it too at first.  Are you going to read it too? 
Posted by Kat Eyes[/QUOTE]

Yup. He wants to read it first so he can get some practice while I'm reading it.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-books?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7b1b231-8433-4f76-a739-a3d28af016bePost:87c7275d-4b34-46e8-b797-7fd5c0ce7f88">Re: Self help books</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that's cute and very thoughtful actually. I think I'd find it weird if FI did that. We fight "well" too for the most part. Similar to OWN, FI also doesn't like to discuss difficult things too often. <strong>But every now and then he'll have a couple of drinks and spill the beans on all his love and feelings and such.</strong>
Posted by LessThanZero[/QUOTE]

Tim does the same thing and it cracks me up. It's especially funny if he's on medication that makes him all lovey dovey.

Normally he's the ultra manly-man type

maratea

I would probably buy the book first. But if H came home with it, I'd be all for it. We don't fight very "productively". We can get rather petty and stupid. I went to a supervising seminar Monday and there were some things I learned that I'm going to apply to our relationship because they were really helpful. Not that I'm going to 'supervise' H, just some tips on managing anger, not fighting dirty and the like.

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-books?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7b1b231-8433-4f76-a739-a3d28af016bePost:27cbd212-49cc-4b6c-ba2e-baae095fc2ae">Re: Self help books</a>:
[QUOTE]I would probably buy the book first. But if H came home with it, I'd be all for it. We don't fight very "productively". We can get rather petty and stupid. I went to a supervising seminar Monday and there were some things I learned that I'm going to apply to our relationship because they were really helpful. Not that I'm going to 'supervise' H, just some tips on managing anger, not fighting dirty and the like.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

I'm right there with you. I'm the queen of the low-blow if I'm provoked.

maratea

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-books?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7b1b231-8433-4f76-a739-a3d28af016bePost:05002ae0-5675-4f80-a7db-b8f234854d30">Re: Self help books</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Self help books : I'm right there with you. I'm the queen of the low-blow if I'm provoked.
Posted by JenGin74[/QUOTE]

In hindsight, I kind of feel bad about something of the things I've said about MIL, even though she totally deserves it all. I'm not normally like that, but I have an abnormally high anger level sometimes. :/

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_self-books?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7b1b231-8433-4f76-a739-a3d28af016bePost:9f23e560-af20-428a-91f8-871c26f3edc4">Re: Self help books</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Self help books : In hindsight, I kind of feel bad about something of the things I've said about MIL, even though she totally deserves it all. I'm not normally like that, but I have an abnormally high anger level sometimes. :/
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

The more I learn about you, the more I see how alike we are.

I have a nasty temper. I rarely lash out at Tim because I love him and I think he decerves my patience and understanding, but everyone else (friends excluded) is fair game.