Would you say anything?

SereJane

Oh the joys of seeing people's Facebook statuses (statii?).

FSIL is dating this guy who posted today "Why are there so many girls that are getting pregnant before they are even able to drink legally? Have you not heard of condoms?"

Am I right to think that this is an incredibly sexist statement? First of all, it's guys who typically are expected to wear condoms (mostly, I know female condoms exist, too). Also, it takes two to tango, guys are just as responsible for pregnancy as girls.

What are your thoughts on this statement/the implied belief that girls should shoulder the majority of the responsibility in preventing or dealing with pregnancy? Should I say anything in reply to him?

jaycee7389

Honestly, I'm a biitch so I probably would. I'm not saying it's a good idea for you to, but I agree it is sexist and ignorant.

 I have a "friend" on facebook who I went to college with who always posts stuff like "women should not be in the weight lifting side of the gym. get on a treadmill fatty" and I flip out. The only reason I don't remove him I guess is because I feel like someone has to point out to him that he's an asshat and i'm not afraid to be that person.

DNAtime

Answer:

"Because there are too many douche bag guys who can't or won't wrapt it up."

playtntsbpg30

I think nowadays it's mostly on the girl of her screwing up and getting pregnant. At least from what I am around it always falls on the girls. That is messed up he said such a thing. Maybe he didn't mean it the way it was put. Has some truth in it though, but should add something with the guys although usually the guy is older maybe not even legal to drink but. I don't know.
 It's not surprising.

ETA- I guess you can question him on what he ment really since it does take two.

Rosie109

I have to be honest, I think you are reading a little too much into what he said. I also think that he might have just been speaking to a general "you" with his last sentence, not so much JUST girls.

Blueyed228

It didnt come off to me that it was the girls fault only.  When he says "girls getting pregnant" I took it as that it is the girl who gets pregnant, not the boy.

But yeah, I would probably say something about guys and condoms as well though. 

annakb8

I don't necessarily think he is placing the burden on the girls in that statement. He might have meant the "you" universally although the underage girls are obviously the only ones getting pregnant. If he had said "Have you not heard of birth control pills?" I might think he was placing the burden of contraception on the girls.

In any case, I don't think I'd say anything. I'm pretty nonconfrontational on FB.

SereJane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:0eea92d4-d6ef-4a31-b195-35ab91e60168">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>I think nowadays it's mostly on the girl of her screwing up and getting pregnant</strong>. At least from what I am around it always falls on the girls. That is messed up he said such a thing. Maybe he didn't mean it the way it was put. Has some truth in it though, but should add something with the guys although usually the guy is older maybe not even legal to drink but. I don't know.  It's not surprising.
Posted by playtnteppg27[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I think it's really sad. My mom actually has always felt that way, that it's a burden unfairly placed solely on the girl's shoulders.

Rosie109

Also, I don't know the guy. If he has a history of being a douchebag sexist pig, then maybe I would have read what he said like that. I would have no interest in actually commenting on it, regardless if he meant it in a sexist way or not.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Nah I probably wouldn't say anything.

My opinion is that a lot of young people don't know much about condoms, BCP or other methods of not getting knocked up.  Girls who aren't old enough to drink can be considered to be part of that group of young people.  So are young men who can only think straight if their penis points in that direction.

I'm not saying that I agree with the post, but he was probably just making a snap generalization that he didn't realize would offend people.  I don't think women should be 100 percent responsible for not getting knocked up - however, if a young woman finds herself to be in that situation, she shouldn't just free-ball it and hope for the best.  She should do what she can to protect herself.  Boys should too.

maratea

I would probably say something along the lines of 'well usually there has to be a penis involved also, girls ain't knocking themselves up' but I also don't censor myself on FB. Just last night, when one of H's friends said something about being free for the weekend, I asked if he'd like to be the male entertainment at my cousin's bachelorette party and that he'd be compensated well, but probably in small bills and how does he feel about banana hammocks.

SereJane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:9009436f-3d27-49a1-a86e-d2f464e8b6ef">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]It didnt come off to me that it was the girls fault only.  When he says "girls getting pregnant" I took it as that it is the girl who gets pregnant, not the boy. But yeah, I would probably say something about guys and condoms as well though. 
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

Ah, that's true. Upon rereading it thinking that way it does come off less sexist than I thought.

Anysunrise

While I do think men should be just as responsible for providing contraceptives, if you're a woman and let a guy talk you into doing it without it, I think that's entirely on you for being an idiot. With how many options there are, there's really no goddamn excuse. 

Nebb

honestly, in my opinion, it is the girls responsibility. shes the one who can get pregnant so if she wants to have sex and not get pregnant she should cover her ass and do whats necessary. shes got the eggs.

jaycee7389

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:0dc9bf32-ab6c-4096-a3c7-0b12a46737dd">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Also, I don't know the guy. If he has a history of being a douchebag sexist pig, then maybe I would have read what he said like that</strong>. I would have no interest in actually commenting on it, regardless if he meant it in a sexist way or not.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

very true

SereJane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:5f7ad1cb-63b5-4b04-87ba-3607ed0f4d4d">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]While I do think <strong>men should be just as responsible for providing contraceptives</strong>, if you're a woman and let a guy talk you into doing it without it, I think that's entirely on you for being an idiot. With how many options there are, there's really no goddamn excuse. 
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

Agreed.

SereJane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:020a7296-2752-4f79-8b94-c0d7c88e9dde">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would probably say something along the lines of 'well usually there has to be a penis involved also, girls ain't knocking themselves up' but I also don't censor myself on FB. Just last night, when one of H's friends said something about being free for the weekend, I asked if he'd like to be the male entertainment at my cousin's bachelorette party and that he'd be compensated well, but probably in small bills and how does he feel about banana hammocks.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

Haha! I love it. I tend to be a little more reserved on FB ;)

JenGin74

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:5f7ad1cb-63b5-4b04-87ba-3607ed0f4d4d">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]While I do think men should be just as responsible for providing contraceptives, if you're a woman and let a guy talk you into doing it without it, I think that's entirely on you for being an idiot. With how many options there are, there's really no goddamn excuse. 
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]


Thank you

Blueyed228

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:5f7ad1cb-63b5-4b04-87ba-3607ed0f4d4d">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]While I do think men should be just as responsible for providing contraceptives, if you're a woman and let a guy talk you into doing it without it, I think that's entirely on you for being an idiot. With how many options there are, there's really no goddamn excuse. 
Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

Yup.  The best chance of having sex and not getting pregnant is to take matters into your own hands.  Obviously not all BC options are 100%, but I will take my chances with something that I have chosen, over him promising to "pull and pray".

sarah0725

It definitely irks me for the same reasons you mentioned, but I wouldn't say anything, because generally I try not to get into stupid fights with asshats on the internet. It never goes the way you want it to.

SereJane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:f1908107-366f-44d3-9629-aa3465eff919">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]It definitely irks me for the same reasons you mentioned, but I wouldn't say anything, because generally I try not to get into stupid fights with asshats on the internet. It never goes the way you want it to.
Posted by sarah0725[/QUOTE]

Yeah, I decided not to say anything. It's not worth it.

jemmini6

Depending on how well you actually know the person, I might say something back in a joking manner like "well, it takes two to tango..."

But yeah, in generaly, girls should never rely on guys to prevent pregnancy.  Because while it's equally his kid, the burden of pregnancy and child raising is definitely not equal.

EmilyW416

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:5f7ad1cb-63b5-4b04-87ba-3607ed0f4d4d">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]While I do think men should be just as responsible for providing contraceptives, if you're a woman and let a guy talk you into doing it without it, I think that's entirely on you for being an idiot. <strong>With how many options there are, there's really no goddamn excuse. 
</strong>Posted by Anysunrise[/QUOTE]

Thank you! I say this all time, then I get into a rant about it. It just pisses me off, if your not ready or can't afford a kid don't have one. How hard is that?

polichik

Honestly, I wouldn't stay Facebook friends with somebody I didn't like. Or, at the very least, I'd block their crap from my mini-feed so I only see them if I intentionally go to their page. It's just not worth it, IMO.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:9cdc0207-a9b0-48df-8805-ef8f6f4b7ead">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to be honest, I think you are reading a little too much into what he said. I also think that he might have just been speaking to a general "you" with his last sentence, not so much JUST girls.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

I agree with this.

Also, sad to say, but biologically, it's really the girl's "problem" if birth control isn't discussed or used. She is the one who has to deal with pregnancy, STDs affect a woman's fertility more, etc.

noodle_oo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:9cdc0207-a9b0-48df-8805-ef8f6f4b7ead">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to be honest, I think you are reading a little too much into what he said. I also think that he might have just been speaking to a general "you" with his last sentence, not so much JUST girls.
Posted by Rosie109[/QUOTE]

Ditto.  My first thought was that he is watching too much "teen mom".  I didn't assume he was making a sexist statement.  I think it was your choice to interpret it that way.

mica178

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:e37cc360-c70c-4111-a550-db22ecc1f79c">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would you say anything? : I agree with this. Also, sad to say, but biologically, it's really the girl's "problem" if birth control isn't discussed or used. She is the one who has to deal with pregnancy, STDs affect a woman's fertility more, etc.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree.  It's not fair, but it's true.  While it sucks on the guy's end to get a woman/girl pregnant, it's the female who has to deal with the pregnancy (and possible STD) in her body.</div>

SereJane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:b2851d55-ca86-4687-939c-378153e069e2">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, I wouldn't stay Facebook friends with somebody I didn't like. Or, at the very least, I'd block their crap from my mini-feed so I only see them if I intentionally go to their page. It's just not worth it, IMO.
Posted by polichik[/QUOTE]

Yeah I think I will block him. Nearly everything he posts is irritating in some way.

SereJane

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_would-say-anything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:a7e77e29-ae37-465f-ac89-773ccf4d2814Post:e37cc360-c70c-4111-a550-db22ecc1f79c">Re: Would you say anything?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Would you say anything? : I agree with this. Also, sad to say, but biologically, it's really the girl's "problem" if birth control isn't discussed or used. She is the one who has to deal with pregnancy, STDs affect a woman's fertility more, etc.
Posted by msmerymac[/QUOTE]

And yes, that is very true.

ricksang

I agree with Nebb. Also I wouldn't say anything. It will cause more problems than it's worth really.