I feel horrible...

mamav05

My FI and I got engaged February of 2009. In September of that same year FI's brother proposed to his girlfriend. They have since decided to get married a month and a half before we planned on getting married. We had been planning our wedding for 7 months and all of a sudden they're getting married in early June while ours is at the end of July, 2010. I am still upset about it, especially since it's getting close. I can't help but feel angry every time I think about it.


FI's family lives in Michigan and my family lives in Myrtle Beach. We originally planned on getting married in Myrtle Beach, spending a week on our honeymoon, and then going to Michigan for a week to have another "reception" to let his family who couldn't make it to Myrtle Beach celebrate with us. However, now we have had to change all of those plans, since we don't want to drive to Michigan twice in 2 months.

I know it is petty, but I don't know what to do so that I will be able to look at them for the rest of our lives and not feel a pang of anger.

beatlesgirl25

Ooh, a FI that cooks. Nice. H tries, but we're both happier (and fuller) if I just do it myself. I'm good thanks! Actually trying to get the motivation to go to the gym before dinner.

xoxob

doooo it.

PharmacyBride

Not everyone believes in long engagements.  My FH talked about marriage, saved for our wedding, then got engaged- we only wanted our engagement under 1 year.  Other people get engaged and plan for 1.5 -2 years to get the money or work out other details in their personal life.

Maybe they were hoping you would have had shorter engagement and decided they didn't want to wait that long.  Maybe they dreamed of an early summer wedding.  Maybe this helps them out financially (ie. insurance).  Maybe there are issues going on in her family that affected their date selection.

There are so many factors that go into deciding on when to get married.  I bet they did plan around your wedding .. maybe they wanted July and moved it up to plan around you.  1.5 months is long enough- to separate themselves from your wedding.

You also can't stop her from getting pregnant at the same time as you.  Life happens- be happy for them and try your best to work out the details of showers and other such parties.  Also be careful about what you say in front of your family.  I would definitely not think highly of a soon to be in law if they started ranting about wanting a whole season to themselves.

missy68

oooh no, heels, they got married the DAY before. we found out 2 days before (one of her comments in announcing it to us was "i'm guessing saturday isn't an option, is it? then looked at me to see my reaction. i just laughed like she was kidding)! she'd been working on it for a couple of weeks (pre-nup, etc) in secret.

best part - it was able to happen because he won enough money at the casino for his plane ticket......

Thank God J doesn't mind me laughing about it all, because I did have to put on a happy face for a while.

miss.jawright

I agree that you should move on, only because it takes too much energy to mad and it's not worth it. That being said, FI and I have been engaged for six months and have our wedding planned for May 2011. FSIL just got engaged last week and I do really hope she keeps here date a few months from ours. FI  is from Vermont and we are getting married in CA, so his whole family would have to save up to come to ours and I know she wants a DW. So I understand the upsetness, just don't hold on to it.

deepcovejackie

OMG Missy, my FSIL just announced that she's gettting married the day after us, at our destination wedding, in Mexico.  Originally she wanted to have a double ceremony, but FI and I have managed to talk her out of that.  I'm ok with it though, all the family is together anyway...but yikes.  I"m not really precious about "my spayshul day".  So it doesn't bother me.  I'm excited for her!

KatyRoseM

My FBIL got engaged a few months after us and is getting married two months before us, its not a big deal, so calm down.   

Also, to all those who say this board is mean, they should read this thread, people got their point across kindly.  Just saying so there!

mamav05

Annmarie:
They are going to Hawaii for their honeymoon. I have been told that FI's mom is trying to get everyone together for a party for us while we're there.

The reason we can't drive up there twice in 2 months is b/c FI will not have enough vacation time from work after their wedding, our wedding, and our honeymoon. I was ready to drive up there and visit everyone twice in the short span of time but FI decided not to. Also, I have a 4 year old and traveling with her makes things difficult.

Mostly I think I just wanted to know that it was okay for me to be upset and that I will get over it and everything will be fine. Of course I am happy for them, I even gave FBIL advice. I just wish they would have given us a heads up, told us privately, instead of us finding out from the rest of his family about the wedding.

lililuvsrocky

think about it this way - save the best for last!! just because they are getting married before there is no need to rush your wedding!

tesskerr

A couple of years ago my cousin got married on a Saturday, then his sister got married a week later - on a Sunday, in a town that was at least a 4 hour drive from everyone. Both weddings were great, they were both very different. And they both had reasons for getting married those dates - first wedding the brides mother had a very serious illness and wanted to get married as soon as possible. The second wedding they were travelling from another country for the first wedding so thought why not? I don't think anyone really stressed to much about it... it's only your DAY, not week or month or month and a half. You have to remember that everyone picks their date for their own reason, and 99.99% of the time, they haven't picked the date to piss you off 

BlueGreys4Me

I agree with PP, but let me add my story:


I had a very similar situation with my cousin and his FI announcing their engagement a month after I had gotten engaged.  They announced a wedding date 2 months prior to the date FI and I had chosen.  I was frustrated and vented to my mom because I did feel SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO silly about being upset about the earlier wedding date.  That was all well and good, until the cousin's FI, who hadn't begun planning her event, started asking about my plans and being the excited bride-to-be that I am, I spilled EVERYTHING.  ALL of my plans thus far.  The couple had just had a baby and my parents stopped in to visit them and making small talk, asked about their wedding plans.  She repeated word for word everything I had told her I had planned....same reception venue, same food, same time of day, etc.  The only things she changed were ceremony location and colors.  When my mom called to tell me what she had learned, I just about screamed, but also figured, well I can't make her plan her wedding a different way, just let it go and relax.

My mom called my aunt and explained what had happened, and asked her to intervene, suggesting that maybe it wasn't appropriate to plan your wedding exactly the same way someone else was.  Needless to say, there has been a significant amount of tension between the two families since...including time together at the holidays and my grandfather's funeral. 

Does this suck that she has chosen to have the same plans that I do?  Yes.  Is it worth the rift caused between families?  No.  We don't have a big family, and maybe a total of 12 people will be guests at both weddings.  Definitely not the end of the world.

I REALLY hope this puts things into perspective for you before you make the mistake of saying something.