BMs

brooklynbytes

nevermind

lobster93

The only thing your bridesmaids are required to do is buy a dress and show up.

SarahPLiz

You shouldn't throw parties in your own honor. If no one throws you a shower or a b party, you don't get one. Period. Cry all you want, but its tacky as hell to throw your own party. 

LP11509

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-think-i-have-the-worst-bmaids-ever-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b734f98f-c652-4762-a5cc-b817db747ad7Post:ffc1e541-f1c4-4bc7-8390-169bdffc45ab">I think I have the worst BMaids ever. Rant.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have tried so very hard to be completely relaxed about the wedding from the start, insofar as it concerns my bridesmaids and matron of honor.  I invited all of them (3) to come and help chose their dresses.  My sister didn't show up at the last minute.  I was pissed, but I didn't freak.  The two picked out a dress that I concurred with.  My sister went in by herself to try it on, only to find that she BUSTS out of it.  Great.  She chose another dress without my consent.  Great.  I didn't freak.  I'm not happy.  Still didn't freak. NONE of my BMaids have helped with a SINGLE thing (like, six things I've asked for) I've asked them very nicely to help with.  I ended up planning my own bachelorette party.  I was planning my own bridal shower (I didn't actually want one, the FMIL was persistant) - then my FMIL took over (thankfully).  I didn't freak. My sister, who will be with me on the wedding day, is planning that her FIVE children attend and participate in a baseball double-header ON MY WEDDING DAY.  Their game ENDS at 1PM.  Photos start at 3PM.  Her husband is "supposed" to get her five children bathed, dressed, and driven the HOUR AND A HALF to our location.  WTF!?  I didn't freak, I mentioned it was a bad idea... but I didn't freak.  (I'm about to freak). I call to set up the salon appointments.  Call my BMaids... MOH doesn't want an updo, sister can't pay - and doesn't want an updo.  (Other BMaid is fine).  FINE.  FINE!  We'll pay for the freakin hair styles (it's like $50 - big deal!).  I'll allow a half-up hairdo.  Oh? What's that?! They don't "want" a half-up do either.  I don't know... it's only a FORMAL wedding.  Yeah.  No big deal.  Didn't freak to them.  I'm frackin' freakin. I've got FIVE weeks until my wedding, and I'm still working on the small details BY MYSELF.  None of them have given me money for the Bach Party.  I'm considering just cancelling it and hiding out incommunicado until the big day.  I'm not a Bridezilla.  I'm not a high maintenence person.  <strong>Am I crazy?</strong>  I feel like they just truly suck, and what the hell are bridesmaids FOR if not to HELP you along the way? /rant
Posted by brooklynbytes[/QUOTE]

<div>Yes.  </div><div>
</div>

levanlaere

I have done everything by myself. At least that way you have no one but yourself to blame if the little details are half-assed. Remember that no one is going to care as much about your wedding as yourself. Take a deep breath. I have heard of worse.

Good luck!

Blueyed228

I swear the gates have opened up this weekend.

Ali092011

No one has to plan ANYTHING for you for your wedding. You and your FI plan the wedding. You don't get to plan your own shower or b-party. Your BMs aren't obligated to, either.

I can't believe you're saying your friends are bad bridesmaids. These are your friends you're talking about, remember? (Well, they probably won't be for long if you keep up this attitude.)

jennamarie10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-think-i-have-the-worst-bmaids-ever-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b734f98f-c652-4762-a5cc-b817db747ad7Post:cc0977df-4e81-48c8-ab67-c93cb37e0c7f">Re: I think I have the worst BMaids ever. Rant.</a>:
[QUOTE]I swear the gates have opened up this weekend.
Posted by Blueyed228[/QUOTE]

<div>Fricking seriously. Where are these people coming from?</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>OP, why on earth do you care if the girls have updos or half updos? </div>

Kimmyznc

I have tried so very hard to be completely relaxed about the wedding from the start, insofar as it concerns my bridesmaids and matron of honor.  I invited all of them (3) to come and help chose their dresses.  My sister didn't show up at the last minute.  I was pissed, but I didn't freak.  The two picked out a dress that I concurred with.  My sister went in by herself to try it on, only to find that she BUSTS out of it.  Great.  She chose another dress without my consent.  Great.  I didn't freak.  I'm not happy.  Still didn't freak.
A little annoying she picked out a different dress without your consent, but not much you can do. That ship has sailed.

NONE of my BMaids have helped with a SINGLE thing (like, six things I've asked for) I've asked them very nicely to help with.  I ended up planning my own bachelorette party.  I was planning my own bridal shower (I didn't actually want one, the FMIL was persistant) - then my FMIL took over (thankfully).  I didn't freak.
Do not plan your own bach party & bridal shower. If they didn't offer, again not much you can do.

My sister, who will be with me on the wedding day, is planning that her FIVE children attend and participate in a baseball double-header ON MY WEDDING DAY.  Their game ENDS at 1PM.  Photos start at 3PM.  Her husband is "supposed" to get her five children bathed, dressed, and driven the HOUR AND A HALF to our location.  WTF!?  I didn't freak, I mentioned it was a bad idea... but I didn't freak.  (I'm about to freak).
They're pushing it time-wise, but that's on them. Don't let it stress you out.

I call to set up the salon appointments.  Call my BMaids... MOH doesn't want an updo, sister can't pay - and doesn't want an updo.  (Other BMaid is fine).  FINE.  FINE!  We'll pay for the freakin hair styles (it's like $50 - big deal!).  I'll allow a half-up hairdo.  Oh? What's that?! They don't "want" a half-up do either.  I don't know... it's only a FORMAL wedding.  Yeah.  No big deal.  Didn't freak to them.  I'm frackin' freakin.
I'm not even delving into my BM's hair personally. That's on them to do what they want. Definitely should not be a huge concern.

I've got FIVE weeks until my wedding, and I'm still working on the small details BY MYSELF.  None of them have given me money for the Bach Party.  I'm considering just cancelling it and hiding out incommunicado until the big day.  I'm not a Bridezilla.  I'm not a high maintenence person.  Am I crazy?  I feel like they just truly suck, and what the hell are bridesmaids FOR if not to HELP you along the way?
I think you really need to calm it a little. And you also should not be expecting money from them for a bach. party you're throwing yourself. Maybe they didn't offer to throw it because they don't have money for it? Just take a breather. You will be ok.
/rant

brooklynbytes

Okay... So maybe I should relax about the hair... We are planning a formal wedding, and down doityourself hair didn't seem to be appropriate for the style of wedding we are planning. Also, I haven't been snarky to any of them one bit about any of this. I've been nice outwardly understanding. Today is the first day I've even really stressed about the wedding... And I apologize if I erroneously thought "Snarky Brides" might be a good place to vent my stress frustration without involving any personal negative conflicts. My bad.

Ali092011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-think-i-have-the-worst-bmaids-ever-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b734f98f-c652-4762-a5cc-b817db747ad7Post:4428895c-f707-434c-8c36-6a684684b2ff">Re:I think I have the worst BMaids ever. Rant.</a>:
[QUOTE]I didn't WANT a bridal shower. I was set against having one altogether. My future MIL laid it on thick constantly about having one. As my mother and most of my family don't make much , I thought fine I'll put one together appease the woman. She decided she would plan/host it. I was all for that since I didn't want one in the first place. My Bach. was another fiasco. My MOH invited several friends to go spend a weekend in Chicago, and then completely up abandoned everything.<strong> Yes, I took it over. I'm planning it now.</strong>
Posted by brooklynbytes[/QUOTE]

And expecting them to pay for it to boot?

Grits8812

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-think-i-have-the-worst-bmaids-ever-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b734f98f-c652-4762-a5cc-b817db747ad7Post:ffc1e541-f1c4-4bc7-8390-169bdffc45ab">I think I have the worst BMaids ever. Rant.</a>:
[QUOTE]I have tried so very hard to be completely relaxed about the wedding from the start, insofar as it concerns my bridesmaids and matron of honor.  I invited all of them (3) to come and help chose their dresses.  My sister didn't show up at the last minute.  I was pissed, but I didn't freak.  The two picked out a dress that I concurred with.  My sister went in by herself to try it on, only to find that she BUSTS out of it.  Great.  She chose another dress without my consent.  Great.  I didn't freak.  I'm not happy.  Still didn't freak. NONE of my BMaids have helped with a SINGLE thing (like, six things I've asked for) I've asked them very nicely to help with.  I ended up planning my own bachelorette party. <strong> I was planning my own bridal shower</strong> (I didn't actually want one, the FMIL was persistant) - then my FMIL took over (thankfully).  I didn't freak. My sister, who will be with me on the wedding day, is planning that her FIVE children attend and participate in a baseball double-header ON MY WEDDING DAY.  Their game ENDS at 1PM.  Photos start at 3PM.  Her husband is "supposed" to get her five children bathed, dressed, and driven the HOUR AND A HALF to our location.  WTF!?  I didn't freak, I mentioned it was a bad idea... but I didn't freak.  (I'm about to freak). I call to set up the salon appointments.  Call my BMaids... <strong>MOH doesn't want an updo, sister can't pay - and doesn't want an updo.  (Other BMaid is fine).  FINE.  FINE!  We'll pay for the freakin hair styles (it's like $50 - big deal!).  I'll allow a half-up hairdo.  Oh? What's that?! They don't "want" a half-up do either.  I don't know... it's only a FORMAL wedding.</strong>  Yeah.  No big deal.  Didn't freak to them.  I'm frackin' freakin. I've got FIVE weeks until my wedding, and I'm still working on the small details BY MYSELF. <strong> None of them have given me money for the Bach Party</strong>.  I'm considering just cancelling it and hiding out incommunicado until the big day.  I'm not a Bridezilla.  I'm not a high maintenence person.  <strong>Am I crazy?</strong>  I feel like they just truly suck, and what the hell are bridesmaids FOR if not to HELP you along the way? /rant
Posted by brooklynbytes[/QUOTE]

<div>First bold:  you don't plan your own parties. </div><div>Second bold: it's just hair.  Let them wear it how they want. You would want to have your hair how you liked it. And if you make them have their hair done professionally, you have to pay for it anyway</div><div>Third bold: Why do they need to give you money?</div><div>Fourth bold:  yes. </div>

MaggieandJake

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-think-i-have-the-worst-bmaids-ever-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:b734f98f-c652-4762-a5cc-b817db747ad7Post:c16b6938-548e-4a11-9fd4-0a4420b6831f">Re: I think I have the worst BMaids ever. Rant.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to I think I have the worst BMaids ever. Rant. : First bold:  you don't plan your own parties.  Second bold: it's just hair.  Let them wear it how they want. You would want to have your hair how you liked it. And if you make them have their hair done professionally, you have to pay for it anyway Third bold: Why do they need to give you money? Fourth bold:  yes. 
Posted by Grits8812[/QUOTE]

<div>Couldn't agree with this more. </div><div>
</div><div>Bridesmaids are supposed to be friends/family that you love and who support you as a friend. I don't know about you, but my friendships are not sustained by the things my friends buy for me, the parties they throw for me, they way that they do their hair, or the clothes they wear.  </div><div>
</div><div>Yes, it is nice to have BM who want to help you with your little projects, and throw an awesome bachelorette party, but it is by no means a requirement.  I got lucky to have those things-but I also think it has a lot to do with the fact that I didn't expect it it. At all.  </div><div>
</div><div>Relish the fact that you're getting married and don't get too caught up in little details that you just can't control.  And no, you don't get to control your BMs.  You don't control them in your everyday life, and so you don't get to control them just because it's your wedding day. </div>

butterlybliss

OP,

I know you're getting a lot of negative comments on here which probably only exacerbates your angry, bridezilla-like feelings...Planning a wedding can be very stressful and when things aren't going the way you think they SHOULD go, it can seem like the whole world is crashing around you. Honestly though there are only two ways to look at this situation: 1) if you were expecting this much out of your bridesmaids, you should have been up front with your expectations from the ge tgo. I have heard of many instances where people decline being part of a wedding party because it is 'work' and it is money (personally, I don't think hair and dresses are that big of a deal. Your bridesmaids should know you well enough that if you want something in particular, they are going to have to abide to these 'rules'...it is your wedding and if you want it that way, you should be able to have it that way. That being said, you should obviously have the means to pay for everything that you specifically want done) 2) All these things that your bridesmaids are doing to tick you off should have zero effect on you because at the end of the day, getting married is not about how many parties you have, if everyone looks exactly how you want them to look or if your wedding was perfect. The only thing that lasts is your marriage. Not an ugly dress or unprofessional hair. 

 

Trixeetrix

I let all my girls do what they want with their hair and shoes and jewlery.  They all had the same color dress.  Who am I to dictate how someone should wear their hair / jewlery?  If they don't have the extra money to put towards getting their hair done who cares?
Calm down!!  Everyone is going to be focused on you the bride.

Bkseller13

Besides, the worse their hair looks, the better your hair looks.

TiaTiaBoBia

Take a day off - or a week!

I had a really bad day yesterday - but seriously - everyone is right and calming down and getting perspective again works!

Everything will be beautiful, you will have a great day and everyone who loves you will witness it!

Yay you!

msuprincess04

Let the B-party go. You don't want to deal with it and no one else seems to be stepping up to take care of it. Just cancel it and breathe. Save yourself the money and stress.

I think you've already realized you need to relax on the hair/dress. As for the shower, someone has already taken that away from you. You really have nothing to stress about. You are doing great and your wedding will be awesome. Anything that's left to get done will be by you and your FI. But, it sounds like it's all covered!

marriedfilingjointly

Did your bridesmaid who volunteered to be DD at your bachelorette party leave the party screaming "I'm tired of pretending to be happy for everyone else.  When is it going to be my turn!?"

No?  

Then you don't have the worst bridesmaids ever.  

trent13

I would let the hair thing go I was a BM for my FSIL wedding I was all for paying for my hair but she insisted that we all have different styles for the wedding ( she picked everyones style) and I ended up paying for a stylist to style my hair the way I wear it every day the only thing she did was tease it to add a little volume (which I do everyday) I was so mad and it definitely was not worth it let the girls choose as long as it's within reason. 

kellyeliz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_i-think-i-have-the-worst-bmaids-ever-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:b734f98f-c652-4762-a5cc-b817db747ad7Post:90a8ef9b-c3ed-45c2-b0c5-d5547ff48db1">Re:I think I have the worst BMaids ever. Rant.</a>:
[QUOTE]Okay... So maybe I should relax about the hair... We are planning a formal wedding, and <strong>down doityourself hair didn't seem to be appropriate for the style of wedding</strong> we are planning. Also, I haven't been snarky to any of them one bit about any of this. I've been nice outwardly understanding. Today is the first day I've even really stressed about the wedding... And I apologize if I erroneously thought "Snarky Brides" might be a good place to vent my stress frustration without involving any personal negative conflicts. My bad. :/
Posted by brooklynbytes[/QUOTE]

Down hair can also look formal. There are many down styles right now. Maybe they were only opposed to getting their hair done if they had to wear it up. Did you try asking them if they would get it professionally done if they could wear it down?

Also as for your sister - She is the one in the wedding right? If her husband and 5 children don't make it there in time for pictures what's the big deal? They aren't technically in the wedding right? Or am i missing something?