Alright, Need Some Advice

future-mrs

CN at the bottom.

Kind of, I suppose.  I'm going wedding gown shopping at a boutique I've been dying to go to, in a week or so (Maggie's, here I come)  Anyhow, my FMIL pretty much invited herself since my mom can't make this one.  No biggie.  However, she also is bringing a really close friend of hers (and the fams) and I'm absolutely dreading it.

This lady is a real piece of work.  Granted, I haven't spent much time with her but that's ok with me, 2x was enough.  She forces her opinions on people about things like having no children because well-paying careers are more important and she hates weddings (thinks they are a giant waste of money)  I'm all for "you're entitled to your opinion no matter the topic" but obviously no one likes to have things forced upon them, especially if they don't agree.  (Not that I agree or disagree, that's an entire other wall-o-text)

So why is this woman coming you ask?...Well, she's FMIL's best friend for 1 and for 2 she has no kids of her own...FMIL says, "this will be her only chance to go wedding dress shopping."  Neat-I thought she hated weddings...?

I'm just afraid I might totally lose it, because I myself can be a huge opinionated bitch.  But I also know there's a time and place for every situation.  I'm pretty sure this woman is incapable of even thinking in that direction.  But I definitely don't want to piss her off because she's pretty much a part of FI's family just non-blood related.  Not a great way to start my relationship being married with in-laws.

CN: What to do in this situation of FMIL and her crazyopinionatedknow-it-all best friend coming to give me "advice/opinions" on wedding gowns? Ex: what to say or not say if something is said by them that's totally out of line?  Is it bad to hope she comes down with the flu in less than a week?

[Deleted User]

I think it's weird she wants to bring her friend. She's not family, certainly not your family. Maybe you could say something like you want to enjoy a day with jsut the 2 of you, so you can have a chance to bond, and she'll get the hint.

As for what to say, I think it depends on what they say first. Like, if they just don't like a dress but you really love it, then I don't think that warrants a 'snarky' reply back unless they are nasty. But if they comment negatively on you (I've seen SYTTD episodes where women are nasty about bodies, or pick out flaws that aren't even there), then I can't help because I'd be the first one telling them to STFU.

So really, I'm no help at all.

SarahPLiz

I'd tell them that something came up, change the appointment, and go at another time by myself. 

future-mrs

LOL, Ses, my mom's advice was similar to yours....she pretty much said to say STFU in so many words. 

FMIL and this lady are extremely close (like grew up together close) and she claims FI as her own son because they had no children.  FMIL and her pretty much do everything together.... does that give you a better perspective?  I felt like I couldn't say "no" especially after FMIL made the statement she did: "this will be her only chance to go wedding dress shopping."

Anysunrise

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_alright-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:ba4b0053-7a30-4f0e-92b1-b12e80cc90a0Post:edf2b356-352d-45d0-9005-bc9ac455fab7">Re: Alright, Need Some Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's weird she wants to bring her friend. She's not family, certainly not your family. Maybe you could say something like you want to enjoy a day with jsut the 2 of you, so you can have a chance to bond, and she'll get the hint. As for what to say, I think it depends on what they say first. Like, if they just don't like a dress but you really love it, then I don't think that warrants a 'snarky' reply back unless they are nasty. But if they comment negatively on you (I've seen SYTTD episodes where women are nasty about bodies, or pick out flaws that aren't even there), then I can't help because I'd be the first one telling them to STFU. So really, I'm no help at all.
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]


I agree with Sesh.

slubkin

Ditto Seshat.

I'm going dress shopping this weekend with FMIL because my mom passed away 7 years ago and I want a mom-figure there with me.  But she'd never presume to bring one of HER friends, let alone without asking me!  In fact, she's driving 20 miles out of her way to pick up a friend of MINE to go with us.

marissa_claire

Personally, and I'm closer to my FMIL so I'd be comfortable asking, I would say to FMIL that I was hoping it would just be the two of us and I want someone who  knows my personality in making this decision.

If you do have to deal with this difficult woman, I think at the end of the day you need to be true to yourself and choose what you like best.  Watch some Say Yes to the Dress to prep yourself - it seems like they have brides like this all the time who bring someone who is just wanting to control the appointment and the bride has to put her foot down.

JennaV26

I think you missed your opportunity to say no already (which would have been right when she asked if her friend could come, or soon after) so we'll just move on from that.

Honestly, grin and bear it. Whatever you might say to this woman could affect your relationship with your FMIL. If this woman is mean I think you are warranted to say "I appreciate your opinion but you're being very rude and quite frankly, I'm not the one that invited you here," but if she's just annoying then I'd just let it go. If you fall in love with a dress and she hates it, who cares? Either get it anyway or say you'll think about it and go back and get it later.

future-mrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_alright-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ba4b0053-7a30-4f0e-92b1-b12e80cc90a0Post:f5cceffc-d169-466a-88f5-7e533f102477">Re: Alright, Need Some Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you missed your opportunity to say no already (which would have been right when she asked if her friend could come, or soon after) so we'll just move on from that. Honestly, grin and bear it. Whatever you might say to this woman could affect your relationship with your FMIL. If this woman is mean I think you are warranted to say "I appreciate your opinion but you're being very rude and quite frankly, I'm not the one that invited you here," but if she's just annoying then I'd just let it go. If you fall in love with a dress and she hates it, who cares? Either get it anyway or say you'll think about it and go back and get it later.
Posted by JennaV26[/QUOTE]


Thank you so much for typing that.  You pretty much hit the nail on the head and that's what I needed to hear.  Now just to decipher <em>annoying</em> from <em>mean</em>...IMO, she's more straight blunt than anything and sometimes it's totally rude.  It's kind of hard to explain.  Example maybe: I don't <em><strong>think</strong></em> she would say: "you look fat" but rather: "that dress doesn't flatter you at all, definitely a 'no' "

future-mrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_alright-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ba4b0053-7a30-4f0e-92b1-b12e80cc90a0Post:96e0ef9b-dc61-492e-91f0-ae774ce96785">Re: Alright, Need Some Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, hmmm, what if you changed your appt from Maggie's to a less desirable store; take LadyD with you who will probably hate all the dresses anyway.  Then book Maggie's for yourself and go with someone you really want to be there!
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]


Well, hello fellow-Kansan.  That would've been a good idea if everything wasn't already set in stone and they hadn't made plans to be here already.  :-P

MISSCOURTNEY20

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_alright-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:ba4b0053-7a30-4f0e-92b1-b12e80cc90a0Post:15fd63ca-d06c-4464-a78f-db0557d59b97">Re: Alright, Need Some Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd tell them that something came up, change the appointment, and go at another time by myself. 
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

This!! You are more than a year away...why can't you just wait until your mom can go with you??

arv266

I'd do the same thing as the PP.  I'd find an excuse to not go with them, and go by myself.  I know it is passive-agressive and an all out lie, but it would stress me out too much to have to sit through opinionated comments from someone I don't give a rats a$$ about.

If I couldnt get out of it, I'd take them both out to lunch, have a glass (or two) of wine and then look at dresses.  I'd try only try on  dresses that they chose, and after 2 -3 dresses I'd call it a day.   

You can go for the sake of "keeping the peace" with your FMIL, knowing that this might not be the shopping trip where you find your dress.

future-mrs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_alright-need-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:ba4b0053-7a30-4f0e-92b1-b12e80cc90a0Post:248deeff-7708-463b-8d85-dad9a2480034">Re: Alright, Need Some Advice</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Alright, Need Some Advice : Ah well...then go with the plan to sneak in airplane bottles!  :-D BTW, where is Maggie's??  (i ordered a dress and am now doubting myself)
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]


It's a small-private boutique that carries Maggie's...not called Maggie's LOL  Go to Maggie Sottero's website and you can see all the locations in the area. There's like a little under a dozen or so.

future-mrs

I don't live IN KC...or near it for that matter.  That's the only city that pops up for Kansas...imagine that.  But in your area (assuming you live in or near KC) you have several options.

anneogg87

Perhaps you can bring up the fact that this is actually YOUR big chance to go wedding dress shopping? 

I took my FMIL dress shopping with me too, since she doesn't have any daughters, but she was wonderful to have along.  However, it is different to include people who aren't family (especially if they are very opinionated). I would ask if she would mind if it was kept to family only.

If this woman simply must be brought along, either wait until your mom can go too, or maybe you can bring a trusted friend with you who will be sure to stick up for you.

On a side note, I LOVE Maggie Sottero dresses, and bought one myself.  You are going to have a ton of fun trying them on!

jemmini6

IF you do keep this appointment and have to go with FMIL and her friend, I'd just try to make the best of it for now.  Maybe she's only being cynical about kids and weddings because she never had any??  Maybe not, but either way, hope that everything will be fine during the appointment. 

Yet, if she starts getting super opinionated, just remind her that this is YOUR wedding and YOUR dress and while you are glad to hear constructive criticism, that she ultimately needs to butt out of YOUR decision.  Unfortunately, you'd probably make that as polite sounding as possible so you don't offend in-laws, but still put her in her place.

ootmother2

call the night before with stomach flu and you don't know when you will feel well enough to shop

Kristin789

Just tell the sales clerk about your situation, and SHE will take care of it because this bigmouthnegative woman is between the sales clerk and the sales clerk's commission.