What do you think?

Brandi0714

I saw a debate about this on FB so I'm just curious what all of you think.  It seems to me that most people here who discuss it are open to the idea of gay marriage.  What are your thoughts on other types of marriages? Should a line be drawn somewhere in terms of rights being given? If so, where?

Some examples:
1. Bigamy (Polyandry, Polygyny)
2. Relatives (ex: cousins)
3. Parental consent given for a minor to marry an adult (how young is too young?)
4. Arranged marriage

It may not be the most controversial topic, but it's not hair and makeup

AllAboutTheBenjamin

As long as all parties are CONSENTING legal adults I really don't give a shiiit.

I mean, I don't really like the idea of siblings marrying each other.  Or sharing a husband with like five other women.  But that's why I don't participate in those marriages, lol.  Arranged marriages can work out fine.

My only thing is that I think people should be legal adults to be married.  How young is too young?  For me, under 18 is too young.  In this day and age, anyway.  I know that's not how it's always been, but whatevs.

Nebb

I don't really care what people do in that I'd ever try to stop them, unless they were harming someone or something like a kid or animal. That said, I will totally make fun of it.

Starmusica

Relatives- brother and sister is gross but cousins is completely normal and acceptable in many cultures. I didn't marry a cousin but I see nothing wrong with it.

Arranged- Again,  I was not arranged but... This is a cultural practice that has led to many happy marriages over thousands of years. I think for a lot of people- these work well and are a positive thing.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:bee562b3-a5dc-4879-be01-579bd2f476c8Post:e203ec26-c855-44de-a524-c487ef66d28c">Re:What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't really care what people do in that I'd ever try to stop them, unless they were harming someone or something like a kid or animal. That said, I will totally make fun of it.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Pretty much this. I'll add that I think underage is harming a kid, so I'd say that even with parental consent, under 18 should not be allowed.

Marrying a relative grosses me out and I don't like the idea of arranged marriage or polygamy, but that's why I just don't do it. It doesn't affect me and they aren't hurting anyone (to my knowledge, anyway).

Starmusica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bee562b3-a5dc-4879-be01-579bd2f476c8Post:c16104d1-15d4-4971-8f49-d519c35fb7a6">Re: What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]#1: As long as the marriage is between consenting adults, I am not really judgey about marriage related things. #2:  Not gonna lie, the thought of marrying a relative kind of skeeves me out, but to each their own. #3: I don't agree with this.  I don't think people should get married if they need permission from a parent.<strong> #4:  no freaking way.  I just don't see how this is ever a good situation. from what I've read, it seems to benefit the families more than the couple that is forced to marry.</strong>
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]


I think this is an overbroad misconception. I know several people in various generations in arranged marriages that were happy and in love. I think in America we completely misunderstand this practice and there is a stigma placed on it where there should not be.

Of course there are BAD examples. There are bad examples of every type of marriage.

jennamarie10

Eh, like the above have said, if the people are consenting sane adults, i'm ok with whatever they want to do.

Matty143

Some examples:
1. Bigamy (Polyandry, Polygyny) Im all for it as long as they are consenting adults. (Over 18)
totally NMS but I can respect that is their religious belief or whatever.

2. Relatives (ex: cousins) EEW. Im not sure if it needs to be illegal, but that's fucking gross.

3. Parental consent given for a minor to marry an adult (how young is too young?) I wouldn't give my son or daughter consent, but I'm cool if someone else does.

4. Arranged marriage. Most people think this is an out of date tradition but I think online dating and match makers are basically helping you arrange a marriage. Honestly, if someone was going to choose a husband for me, I would be OK with my family doing so. They know me better than anyone.

ahhhitsshannyn

Polygamous couples are A-okay with me, as long as they are all consenting adults.

I could be wrong on this, but second cousins are legal to marry right, because the risk of genetic defect is low? First cousins have a higher risk of genetic defects so I don't think they should be able to have kids. If they want to marry and take steps to not have kids, I guess that's cool.

I think 16 is the youngest people should get married to someone their age. I think 18 is the appropriate age if they are trying to get married to someone much older than them, since it would still be considered statutory rape. Although I do think that the age of consent should be 16, not 18. I don't think it's right that kids 16 and 18 can be in school together, but if they get caught having sex the 18 year old gets in trouble.

Arranged marriages are fine, again, as long as they are consenting. I do not agree with being forced to marry your cousin or some guy you hate, but I don't think there is a problem with parents setting someone up and hoping they work out.

Starmusica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bee562b3-a5dc-4879-be01-579bd2f476c8Post:b1fdf454-bef0-49f7-9c47-1c2ea433e2f2">Re: What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]Some examples: 1. Bigamy (Polyandry, Polygyny) Im all for it as long as they are consenting adults. (Over 18) totally NMS but I can respect that is their religious belief or whatever. 2. Relatives (ex: cousins) <u><strong>EEW. Im not sure if it needs to be illegal, but that's fucking gross.</strong></u> 3. Parental consent given for a minor to marry an adult (how young is too young?) I wouldn't give my son or daughter consent, but I'm cool if someone else does. 4. Arranged marriage. Most people think this is an out of date tradition but I think online dating and match makers are basically helping you arrange a marriage. Honestly, if someone was going to choose a husband for me, I would be OK with my family doing so. They know me better than anyone.
Posted by Matty143[/QUOTE]


I have to ask... for anyone that thinks it's gross etc- would you even know your third cousin if you met them on the street? Where my family comes from.. it's common practice. There is nothing wrong with it and their children are all fine. I find it incredibly ignorant when I see these reactions. (and no- my husband is NOT my cousin or any relative. we aren't even from the same culture).

Starmusica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bee562b3-a5dc-4879-be01-579bd2f476c8Post:12c79a52-dc10-4da7-ad93-eb969147a737">Re: What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you think? : I can see your point, Star. I just think the person you marry should be your choice.  I probably don't understand enough about them, but my first reaction is not a warm fuzzy one.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]


I know in more modern times.. for cultures that practice it in the US- it is still the couple's choice. There is a party that brings them together but they can still refuse. I have friends that follow this practice now. I have family that were arranged 60 years ago. Everyone has productive, loving marriages that last.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bee562b3-a5dc-4879-be01-579bd2f476c8Post:12c79a52-dc10-4da7-ad93-eb969147a737">Re: What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you think? : I can see your point, Star. I just think the person you marry should be your choice.  I probably don't understand enough about them, but my first reaction is not a warm fuzzy one.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]


I agree with this - but I think it's just because that's how we grew up, kwim?  If we grew up in a family under an arranged marriage, and all the marriages around us were arranged, it might not seem like that big of a deal, kwim?

It definitely wouldn't be for me, lol.  And thank God.  I mean, I trust my folks, but I kinda raise my eyebrows thinking about who they'd pick for me to marry.  My mom was always pushing guys on me just to date and well, I know she picked my dad, so she got ONE right.  But for me, she kinda fuckin sucked lol.

azdancer8

1. Bigamy (Polyandry, Polygyny) - I think it would be very challenging to be one of several wives to one man (or vice versa). But if all parties involved feel that is what they want, who am I to draw a line for them?

2. Relatives (ex: cousins) - ew.  Just ew. I've seen some of the health issues in children from a cousin to cousin marriage. It's not pretty.

3. Parental consent given for a minor to marry an adult (how young is too young?) - Personally, I think under 18 is too young. Also, if it could be considered statutory rape, then they are definitely too young to marry (I don't know the current laws on all that.) But those things aside, I think probably 16 could be acceptable legally.

4. Arranged marriage - I think it can work, but both parties need to be of appropriate age.


My personal beliefs are that marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman. With that being said, I don't think the government has the right to tell people who they can or cannot marry.

Matty143

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bee562b3-a5dc-4879-be01-579bd2f476c8Post:af32d852-03bc-43be-ad71-d6c58fffe3dc">Re: What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you think? : I have to ask... for anyone that thinks it's gross etc- would you even know your third cousin if you met them on the street? Where my family comes from.. it's common practice. There is nothing wrong with it and their children are all fine. I find it incredibly ignorant when I see these reactions. (and no- my husband is NOT my cousin or any relative. we aren't even from the same culture).
Posted by Starmusica[/QUOTE]

I might not know them, but if I found out that we were related the relationship would be over.
I can completely respect that in other cultures its common. It's just not for me.

brilibby4

I agree with PPs who said as long as the people being married are consenting adults then I have no problem with marriage.

Edit: None of these practices would personally work for me and I may side eye some of them, but that doesn't mean I think they should be illegal. 

Starmusica

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bee562b3-a5dc-4879-be01-579bd2f476c8Post:60219359-9bd5-4fad-b75b-4f631b2b394a">Re: What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you think? : Is it seen as a sign of disrespect to refuse?  What happens after that?  Sorry for all the questions. 
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]


I've asked my friends these questions before and apparently no. Although I am SURE in the old country it's different and there is little choice. But honsetly.. my grandparents were arranged in Syria. They had no real choice and you know what? They had an INCREDIBLE marriage. And they are NOt the exception where we come from. They are the rule.

jennamarie10

I honestly think I could be happy in an arranged marriage. I don't know, I guess I would hope whoever was arranging it would consider personality traits and what not, but all marriages take work, and an arranged marriage would just have extra work at the beginning.

acaponi87

Polygamy doesn't bother me though I think it's kind of bullsheeet that the husband gets all the wives. Why can't the ladies have multiple husbands?
Maybe there is a group of people that do it that way but I don't know about them.

I don't know enough about how far removed a relative needs to be for children to be issues. In theory I don't have issues with cousins marrying but I think 1st cousins would probably be problematic for health reasons.

I'm fine with arranged marriages.

I'm on the fence about parental consent. I guess I'm okay with it as long as they have gone through puberty at least...though the whole thing gives me the creeps.

Brandi0714

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:bee562b3-a5dc-4879-be01-579bd2f476c8Post:ed489d10-4ced-4507-91d5-feb8defed694">Re: What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]I could be wrong on this, but second cousins are legal to marry right, because the risk of genetic defect is low?<strong> First cousins have a higher risk of genetic defects so I don't think they should be able to have kids. If they want to marry and take steps to not have kids, I guess that's cool</strong>. Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

So do you think that couples who aren't related should find out if they have a high risk of genetic defects before they get married and if so avoid having children? 

azdancer8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_what-do-you-think?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:bee562b3-a5dc-4879-be01-579bd2f476c8Post:08105b81-c426-4f89-a54c-1ec40cf805b5">Re: What do you think?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: What do you think? : So do you think that couples who aren't related should find out if they have a high risk of genetic defects before they get married and if so avoid having children? 
Posted by Brandi0714[/QUOTE]

I think most people already know if they have a high risk of genetic defects. For example, I know that I am at higher risk of having children with hearing losses. If I was really that worried about having deaf children, I would probably not marry someone else who knows that he has a similar high risk.

When 1st cousins marry, the risk of birth defects nearly doubles. But that doesn't neccessarily stop them from having children.

And no matter what risk factors you do or don't have, it's still anyone's guess as to whether there will be a defect or not.

willywally5

I don't have a problem with polygamy, arranged marriages or relatives marrying (As long as they aren't biological siblings, and that is simply due to the high chance of genetic defects. Although, there are couples who know they have high probability of children with genetic defects and they still have kids, so that could be a slippery slope.) 

Like others have said, those scenarios wouldn't be my choice, but if they work for others meh. Go ahead. No skin off my nose. 

The consent issue is the only one that'd bug me, but I think if they are at least 16 and hell-bent on marriage, whatever. I mean, there are 'adults' who make choices that are much more stupid that that. 

NuggetBrain

If you're over 18, you can marry whoever you want as long as they're also over 18 and consenting. 

Seriously, people who think suddenly making sibling marriage legal is going to cause a bunch of siblings to run out and get married is as laughable to me as the idea that legalizing gay marriage is suddenly going to make a bunch of previous straight people decide to run out and marry their biffle.

Shia

I am confused. Many people have accepted these marriage options but why is gay marriage such an hugh issue?