Job you love or time with family

katiewhompus

Which is more important to you, a job you love or spending time with family?

Backstory : Most of the jobs H loves work in night shifts. When we first started dating he loved his position at PSmart because it ran 10pm until 8am. No customers, no phone calls, just go in, do the job and go home.

After we were dating for about a year he switched to a day shift so that we could spend time together, but he really dislikes being at work now. He's been looking for other jobs but everything he's interested in seems to be aiming at a night shift.

Nothing would happen with the marriage, but I don't know if I could handle him working a night shift again. I was incredibly lonely and depressed that first year and went to a very dark place. But I also feel really guilty that he's working a job he really doesn't like to keep me happy. H says he would much rather spend time with me and have a mediocre job than have a wonderful job but never see me, but I still feel guilty.

What say you?

SarahPLiz

I could only love my job if it allowed me to have time with my family. The 2 are interconnected and I couldn't separate them. That is actually a criteria for being a job i love. 

ricksang

Job I love and time with family. I would have to have both to be really happy.

Anysunrise

Well, I fully understand where he's coming with customers. I despise working with people. We had a guy write us a check for $50.00 less than the amount of the bill, because he didn't think he should be charged for a tool rental. Annoying.

I'm probably biased at this point though, because just seeing FI every day would be amazing. Long term though, I'd say family.

BecW2be

May dad worked 3rd shift (7p - 7a) for years and years when I was little. One advantage was that he worked 4 on, 4 off though, so we still spent time with him. He was home when we got home from school, and spent an early dinner with all of us before he went to work.

He tried to work a day shift in the same job once we were older, but both he and my mom hated it, so he switched back to nights and loves it. I think if your schedules were more in sync, or if you had things to do at night, it would be easier for you. Perhaps he can stick it out until a day position with more warehouse work comes up? I'm sorry you have to deal with this!

JennaV26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_job-love-time-family?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:c763fc21-5729-4ad9-a0a4-7871e4223921Post:e96859a0-bea9-4636-8577-ea8a1714d731">Re: Job you love or time with family</a>:
[QUOTE]I could only love my job if it allowed me to have time with my family. The 2 are interconnected and I couldn't separate them. That is actually a criteria for being a job i love. 
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

I definitely agree with this, but it's a tough situation. You want him to be happy at work but he also wants to spend time with you. I say just keep hoping that he find a warehouse job with daytime hours.

If it helps, my parents worked horrible hours when they were first married. My dad worked nights, my mom worked days and they were always moving so it was pretty lonely for both of them. Eventually all of that work paid off when my dad was offered a much better job in the same company, working regular hours and making a lot more money.

Now that I typed that I feel like that example might not be as relevant, I'm just saying if it will eventually pay off in the long run, maybe he should work nights for awhile. DH's schedule is horrible right now, he's always at school and/or studying but I know that in 4 years it will be worth it so I try not to let it bother me as much. That's not to say I don't get really lonely sometimes.

september's bride

I just took a job that's not really up my alley or in my field, but I did it to be able to spend more time with DH. We both felt that we needed to have more consistency in our home life, and this job would make that happen since it was my previous job that caused upheaval.

Sometimes you can learn to like something enough to work full-time at it if it's going to be for the greater good. At least that's the situation I'm in.

katiewhompus

Bec, I think I could deal if he had a schedule set up like that. He gets 2 days off a week but not in a row. So when he works overnights his schedule will be like
Sun-Mon 10pm- 8am
Mon - Tues 10 -8
Tues - Wed 10-8
Thurs-Fri 10-8
Fri-Sat 10-8

So his "days off" would be spent sleeping because he would get home at 9am and go to bed. No good.

At least now he does 4am-2pm usually so we can have dinner together. Thank goodness for small favors.

tidetravel

You didn't just get lonely when he worked nights.  You got depressed, and went to a "very dark place," and that's not healthy for you or for him.    It would be one thing if you were closer to family or friends, but you're not, really, so you have to rely on his presence more.  I think your DH is being honest when he says that he would rather work an ok job and spend time with you.  Don't read too much into it, and maybe one day soon, he'll find a job that he enjoys that works with your schedule.

ricksang

I agree with Tide.

katiewhompus

3 years after getting on TK and the phrase "Tide is wise" still goes through my head lol

sucrets4

I have a few thoughts, but I'm drinking, so bear with me.

It worries me that you weren't doing so well when he was working nights.  That's a huge concern and reason for him not to do it.

However, how flexible will this position be?  Once he gets it, will he have to commit to it for awhile?

My mom worked nights when I was growing up, and it was GREAT to have her around during the day.  If I ever got sick at school, I knew she would be able to pick me up.  But it really did a number on her body...she still regrets doing it for 20 years.

So, those are my thoughts.  Sorry if they make no sense.

Lenore2010

Honestly, I do not think I have ever had a job I loved. Work is rewarding sometimes, I think some aspects of it, but LOVE? Not so much. Maybe it is what I do, maybe it is how I feel about work in general so I am not sure. 

I would say, though what is more important, him having to deal with some prissy beotch types or your happiness? I think compromise by definition works both ways, but it sounds like you were practically off the deep end when he worked nights.

MeaghanandMichael

I sacrifice a lot of time I could be spending with friends and family because of my job, and it bums me out a lot sometimes. But, I also know my job won't be this way forever. The longer I do it, the more I love it and the more control I will have over my hours. In fact, since I work weekends, it might even be better for us in the long run to have me home with kids during the week and Mike there for them on weekends.

[Deleted User]

I say more time with family. Like PP said, it's about the family as a whole, not necessarily just the individual. You weren't in a good place when he worked nights, and that's a major factor.

H and I see each other maybe 2 or 3 hours a day when the time changes and it's lighter at night, because he works literally sun up to sun down. I hate those times, because we never get to see each other. So when the time changes again, he's home as soon as it's dark so we can be together. He got a second job once at an animal ER before we moved in together, but it wasn't as big a deal because we were apart anyway. But he quit once we moved in together so we could actually have time just for us. It meant less money, but it was worth it.