Book Suggestion-NWR

LittleKatie13

ETA: Cliffnotes in bold-sorry it's long!

I usually post on GIS, but am hoping for some more traffic. 

I'm looking for a book to get as a Christmas gift for my SIL.  She's a wonderful caring person, but is stuck in rut-she desparately wants to be married, lives in a small town and won't date, mostly for fear of rejection. She refuses to try online dating because "it's creepy" and "looks desperate".  She is very dependent on their (DH, SIL's) parents to the point that she insists on them picking her up and dropping her off even for Thanksgiving at my IL's house (in the same, very safe, small town).  She seems utterly miserable and calls  BIL regularly crying because she's so unhappy. 

 I know that she needs to make the decision to do something to change her situation.  But I thought an inspirational book might give her a nudge since talking to her only makes her upset.  Any suggestions?  I'm looking for something that has an inspirational story, but isn't exactly a self-help book (she would likely be offended by that).

Thanks!  Any other suggestions for the situation would be welcomed as well!

kd.joseph

I'm sorry, I feel like I've met these kind of people before. It sounds like she suffers from depression, is she under Dr's care?

I'm sorry I have no book recommendations. But I honestly dont think a book is going to help this person, unless it's a book to nudge her to get some help.

FYI- I met DH through Match.com.We've been together 7 years.Best decision I've ever made.Good Luck!

JenGin74

That's sad. I think she needs more than a book. maybe some kind of intervention to get her to talk to a pro

betrothed123

I agree with kd and Jen.  Unfortunately I don't think a book is going to be nearly enough help for her.  She needs to be put under a doctor's care.

LittleKatie13

She does need more than a book.  I realized recently that she doesn't need match.com, she needs a counselor or psychologist.  She is clearly depressed, and although I've only known DH for 3 years, apparently she's been been like this for about 12 years, since her ex-FI broke off their engagement.  But she won't talk to any of us except when she's crying and feeling sorry for herself, but refuses to change her life in anyway.  Then she refuses to talk to anyone after the subject is brought up, sometimes for weeks.  I'm looking for a new way to inspire her to change and to empower herself without her feeling confronted.  I hate to see such great person so unhappy.

missy68

She will be useless in a relationship until she realizes her own self worth, which it sounds like she hasn't done. Or, it will be a toxic relationship. Honestly and truly, the best thing you can do for her is to help her find a therapist.

sister2groom

Obviously, a book isn't going to magically fix things, but I think it's a nice idea.

Maybe try an inspirational book not so much about how people have fixed themselves (e.g. Eat Pray Love) but maybe more to help her look outside of herself, I'm not being very articulate here, but sometimes when you're down it helps to hear about people who have been even more down than you are and have been helped out of it or help other people. I don't know, like Blindside (although that's a little last year maybe). Oh, and disclaimer, I know little or nothing about depression, just going from experience when I feel down.

katiewhompus

I think books by Anna Maxted can be incredibly good at shifting someone's mood and perspective. Sure they are probably classified as well written smut, but the plot lines are always solid. I would recomment Running in Heels or Behaving Like Adults. Basically a female main character sabotoging themselves somehow (anorexia, perfectionism, etc) overcoming her barriers and learning to live a different life.

Also check out the books on Flylady.com . They are mostly about cleaning but she has some great self love themed books as well.