So I have this neighbor...

Y I Oughta

He has lived next door to my mother for 14 years. Our house if just around the corner from him. He has two sons, 18 and 15 yrs old. He has had some of the worst luck I have ever seen anyone have. His first wife (oldest sons mom) passed away when the son was 2. His second wife was in a really bad car accident when second son was 18 months old. She was left with no hearing what-so-ever after the accident. Two years after the accident, that wife also passed away (second son was 3). This past Saturday the 15 yr old son was in a bad bike accident. He had to have brain surgery and the family was told he might not survive the night. As of now he is in the ICU, in a semi coma, but has showed signs of being able to squeeze someone's finger. This boy is only months older than my daughter and was her best friend from the time she could recognize other children until about three years ago.

The point of my post is this. I want to say or send something to show him we are here for him, but I never know what to say and I'm awkward in these situations. I feel like it would be weird if we went to the hospital to see him because the kids haven't been close in a few years and I haven't talked much to the father. I feel weirs sending flowers or something because I think it might show that we are sending sympathy when he might pull through. Someone help me please.

ZombieNates

Send a nice "Thinking of You" card and write a message inside about how you guys are there for them, with whatever they need, and that you're praying/thinking/whatever for a full recovery.

tayylor65

I'd send flowers and/or send over carry out from a nice restaurant or home cooked meal.  It shows you care and are either praying for him (if you're religious) or that your thoughts are with him in general, not that you think his son will necessarily pass away.  I hope everything turns out well.

Amitzah

You could keep him company at the hospital. Or Offer to cook a meal or two to make sure they are eating. Offer to help out if they need it. Maybe add him to a prayer list at your place of worship? I'm awkward with this kind of thing too. A lot of times people just really appreciate that you are thinking about them and their family.

OutOfTheBlue612

You could always send some food over. It's kind of cliche, but odds are he doesn't exactly have the time or energy to cook decent meals for himself right now. Since it's a guy, I'd say that he would prefer some sort of food over flowers.

mob2689

If your daughter is good friends with this mans' son, maybe cook the family a home cooked dinner, and send it via your daughter with a note saying if they need anything during this trying time that you are right around the corner. I have done this for my one neighbor who was in a simular situation.

Y I Oughta

Thanks ladies. These are all good ideas.

ConKFA319

Oh, wow. I really feel for this guy. I can't imagine going through all that. Poor guy :-(

I would say sending a card would be appropriate. I don't know whether it would be better to send it to the dad or the son - I think if it was the dad a "thinking of you" card would be good; if it's the son, a "get well" card. In either case I would write a little note inside saying that they're in your thoughts and if there's anything you can do to help to let you know. Try to keep it upbeat, as well - that helps a lot.

If you want to send something bigger, I think flowers actually could work - just be careful that they're not "funerary," if you know what I mean. Something sunny and happy would be good. I think Proflowers or FTD actually have an arrangement in a smiley face vase, haha. Otherwise, something springy should work.

Hope this helps!

ConKFA319

I'm a slow typer tonight. 

After reading the other responses, I'm in agreement with the meal over the flowers. I think that's way more helpful :-)

ZombieNates

Ooh, yes, food might be nice.  Food with a card, offering help (if you can take that on).  Then, they see you're willing to be there so they can always ask if they need more assistance, and you will feel like you've done something more substantial.

SarahPLiz

You could mow his lawn. My neighbor used to make his kids do mine when he saw I was working really late hours and it was really a godsend.

crash2729

I think maybe you should ask your daughter if she would like to go to the hospital? Even if they weren't close recently, she may like to go since they were close for so long.
But I agree with others about meals and SarahP about mowing the lawn/doing simple chores outside his house(trim the bushes or pull weeds.) for him.

Y I Oughta

I will have to make something nice and drop it off for them. I feel so bad for this guy, he has had it so rough and now this. Thanks everyone, you gave me some good ideas.

nda_roxybabe

Aw, poor guy

mypalbabs

The lawn mowing is an excellent idea - you can just do it as a kindness without having to make any specific arrangements.  While you're there, make sure there aren't a lot of newspapers piled up on the porch or that the mail box is overflowing.

When my mom passed, it was super helpful when people brought over food.  Especially if they're keeping weird hours (spending a lot of time at the hospital), they'd appreciate milk, cereal, bread, and sandwich fixings.  And fresh fruit.

missy68

I also don't think they'll put them in his room in ICU. Flowers, that is.

You could make a basket with puzzle books, magazines, coloring books (even adults like it), crayons, notepads, etc. Maybe some snacks and bottled water so they don't have to use the vending machine. And a couple of rolls of quarters so they can.

Y I Oughta

The quarters are a good idea. I am going to make up a basket after work today and take it to them. I think anything to help them pass the time is good.

UPDATE:
The family just posted that his son is somewaht stable and hopefully improving, but still dependant on many machines to keep him alive. 

EmilyW416

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_this-neighbor?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:d0c103d9-23ec-4111-b1a0-9d2fc621b466Post:255224b6-6600-4e1f-957b-746cbfe0036c">Re: So I have this neighbor...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'd send flowers and/or send over carry out from a nice restaurant or home cooked meal.  It shows you care and are either praying for him (if you're religious) or that your thoughts are with him in general, not that you think his son will necessarily pass away.  I hope everything turns out well.
Posted by tayylor65[/QUOTE]

Agree. I think a meal always shows that you care. Or even just brining brownies or something over lets them know you care.

noodle_oo

I'd send an Edible Arrangement.  My offic did this for my boss when his son was in the hospital.  They are nice and cheery and made of fruit, so a nice healthy food for them to eat while they are there.  He told us later that they loved it. 

jess0906

I could be wrong but I don't think they allow flowers in ICU rooms.  The making a basket of stuff seems like a great idea and you can personalize that much more than you could flowers.

Y I Oughta

I checked with the hospital and flowers are not allowed in the ICU. I will be making the basket and taking it to them. I might look into the edible arrangement as well. These are all great ideas. Thank you all so much.

Hays2be

Not just food.  Take him (them) to the cafeteria and make sure they eat.  So many families don't because they either don't think about it or don't want to miss visitation/doctor visits.  The ICU nurses/waiting room staff can help make sure you don't miss a doctor visit.

I dated a guy a couple of years ago that was diagnosed with cancer (it eventually got him)  We had to feed his mother because she wouldn't think about it--I wasn't so hot on it either.