Man Time

Night_Sprite

Does your husband have designated man time?  H had his built in friends in high school and college, and then a roommate and internet gaming after college until we got married.  He stopped playing wow for cost and time suck factors, but between work, commuting, and seeing me, I feel like he doesn't see other men to have man time with.  Ideas? Tips?  Suggestions?

ohwhynot

Hmmm.  I guess so, because H plays at a bluegrass jam every other weekend.  While women are welcome there, it's pretty much a sausage festival most of the time.  My husband doesn't really want or need specific "man time," though - he's never expressed any kind of longing for it.

I may be wrong, but I think it's kind of something a lot of men outgrow their need for.  Everyone needs time alone, and time/opportunity to develop their own interests, but the men I know don't specifically seek out "man time."   Does your husband seem to miss the company of other men?

marriedfilingjointly

No, not really.  I wish he would spend more time with his friends.  I'm sure they miss him.  He usually only goes out with them if I make plans without him. 

Night_Sprite

He's a nerdy engineer.  Every now and again we got to parties held by his work friends.  Maybe I need to suggest that he schedule a weekend with them to play the complicated LOTR board game he bought.  I refuse to play risk like board games.  They're too much for me.

TheCranberry

My FI hangs out with his friends around once a week.  They'll usually go out for drinks or dinner.  He went to Miami with two guy friends for Columbus weekend.  Is this something that's important to him?  If so, encourage him to make time to see his friends and let him know you think it's important for him to make time for himself.  Do you think he feels guilty about not spending time with you or is just daily life interfering?

shaydenise

My FI has to do breathing treatments that take an hour every day so he plays Xbox live with his friends during that time.  It's been really good as of lately because after his bachelor party he realized that some of his GMs play Xbox Live so now they all schedule their play time after work lol  It's actually pretty dorky but it makes him happy. ha ha.  Xbox Live isn't too expensive so if your H has friends on there it might be a good option.

FI has also gone out with some coworkers to watch baseball lately.  Maybe your H could do something like that?

LesPaul

DH's man time usually consists of mountain bike rides with his guy friends, and the occasional boys' weekend to ride out of town.  He can be somewhat of a loner at times, and will take the dog on a long hike or bike ride sometimes when he wants some time to himself.  I think we have a good balance of together time and friend time.

Night_Sprite

I think it's a mixture of not knowing how to have friends as a married person, commuting 1/2 hour between work and home, and his friends being really spread out when they used to live across a hallway.

JenGin74

Saturday night is Tim's guy night. Sunday is his only day off right now, so when he gets home from work on Saturday we go to his best frend's house.

I'll stay for a couple of hours and hang out, but then I go home and clean or watch girl movies or something like that. Tim will call me around 3 in the morning when he's completely wasted and can barely stand and then I throw some clothes on and go pick him up.

Saturday night is his unwind with the guys night and Sunday is lovey dovey wife time. It works for us.

Steph0871

A few of his friends live in a house together, aptly nicknamed the "Annex." They're only about a mile or so from our apartment.  He'll wander down there sometimes when he takes the dog for a walk, which leaves me time to clean, etc.  

We also host the guys (and girlfriends) for UFC events sometimes.  

I'm hoping after the wedding we get more free time again to hang out with our groups of friends, though!

[Deleted User]

Not really. He doesn't see his friends that often because of work, and when he makes plans with them he always asks if I want to go. We hardly get to see each other so he says he'd rather spend time with me.

Has he expressed any regret in not having his man time, not seeing his friends? It doesn't really bother my H that he doesn't hang out all the time. He's fine with occasional golf outings or whatever here and there, and doesn't need frequent visits.

betrothed123

H doesn't really have much "man time," but I also don't get much "girl time."  We spend most of our off time together because that's how we'd prefer to spend it. 
that's not to say we don't go out alone with our friends, but it's not very often.  We'd rather plan group activities where everyone is welcome.

Steph0871

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_man-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d6517c80-2092-4a01-8933-ff29b41a73edPost:a6020cf0-6b9a-48c7-ac89-1d4af58ebc2f">Re: Man Time</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's a mixture of not knowing how to have friends as a married person, commuting 1/2 hour between work and home, and <strong>his friends being really spread out when they used to live across a hallway.</strong>
Posted by Night_Sprite[/QUOTE]

<div>This exactly.  FI helped start a fraternity on campus, so most of his really good friends are from that.  I think they have a hard time now, because they all used to live in the same house.  Same as how I sometimes miss college and living in the dorms, just because there were always people around to hang out with or grab dinner/coffee/whatever.  </div><div>
</div><div>I agree though- I'm not sure how to have friends as a 'married' person yet either.  It helps that most of our friends are engaged now though :)</div>

missy68

Biking for longer distances than I can do, dirt bike multi day trips or day long ATV trips, and poker night.

Also if there's a movie he wants to see (The Watchmen, Wolverine, etc), I'll send him off with his buddy Rick or his grown nephew. And if there's one I know he doesn't care about (like Piranha 3D), I'll go see it on my own.

He always asks before he goes, which I think is sweet. But I like the time by myself. Sometimes it makes me a bit blue, because I don't have a friend network here. So I just laze around, maybe take on a project.

Night_Sprite

Sarah, I can relate.  Not that H is a weakling or anything, but he is not into sports, watching or playing so I don't know how to help him build new man relationships.  I think it would be good for him.  Maybe I'm just a meddler.

Anysunrise

Not really. Most of his friends are married, so generally he'll bring me anyways and I'll hang out with the wives while they drink beer. We play WoW together. The only thing he really did by himself was go run for an hour or so every day, and soon we'll be doing that together too.

After being away from each other for a year, I imagine we'll both be wanting to spend a lot of time together for a while.

SarahPLiz

NS, FI says he doesn't like to hang out with people he doesn't already know. So his circle of friends rarely increases. One of my friend's FI is the same, so we can go on double dates sometimes and get the guys out of the house. I get plenty of girl time, though. I have girls night every Thursday and he's fine with that. He hates when i host because he has to put on clothes

I don't push for him to have more guy time, because I don't think he's unhappy with the status quo. I tried to get him to ask a guy to be in his WP, but he didn't think he was close enough to anyone so he didn't. His groomswoman is his best friend since college and she's the only person he asked. If I thought he was unhappy, I would try to get him to be out and about more often with me, but I think he prefers to do his socializing with a headset on. To each his own. 

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_man-time?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:d6517c80-2092-4a01-8933-ff29b41a73edPost:39ccd3a8-082f-4e92-9291-29fdd8923b6b">Re: Man Time</a>:
[QUOTE]Sarah, I can relate.  Not that H is a weakling or anything, but he is not into sports, watching or playing so I don't know how to help him build new man relationships.  I think it would be good for him.  <strong>Maybe I'm just a meddler.
</strong>Posted by Night_Sprite[/QUOTE]

I don't think you're being a meddler; I think you're being a concerned and loving wife. 

kd.joseph

DH doesnt have any friends in the area (neither do I), but he has two annual "guy" trips with men he used to work with. Every May is Talledaga, and Sept/Oct is the boat trip. I'm trying to encourage him to get involved in more things, like the MC club for Cops/and Servicemen.

I dont think you are a meddler you want your DH to have healthy relationships with other people besides you. I think everyone needs the time to blow off steam without their spouse.

Night_Sprite

I told H he should figure out a weekend to hang out with his work friends and invite them to our house.  Thanks for helpful ideas.