To Invite? or Not to Invite?

ashhalsey

Ok ladies, I have a dilemma. Please shout out your thoughts!

My fiance has a very good friend (not in the WP); we'll call him Robert.  Robert is married to a woman (we'll call her Tina).  Tina and I DO NOT get along at all. So, do I invite her to appease my fiance (even though that is not ideal for MY day). Do I not invite her and only Robert? Do I wait until the wedding date (late 2011) and see where our relationship stands? I don't want to seem selfish, or be a Bridezilla, but I really only want people at my wedding that I enjoy being around.  Anyone else had this dilemma?

jasmineh7777

YOU HAVE TO INVITE HER.
(I shouted it out.)

number55

Jas..to be fair, it should read (still yelled)

IF YOU INVITE HIM YOU HAVE TO INVITE HER.

Don't send them a save the date. Your wedding is a ways out. Lots can happen. 

jasmineh7777

Number wins.

beatlesgirl25

YOU GUYS SHOULD HAVE QUOTED. Damn, now you've got me yelling!

aprovencher21

Why all the yelling? What did I miss?

beatlesgirl25

I GUESS WE DIDN'T MAKE IT IN TIME, APROV.

ashhalsey

Well thanks for being subtle about it...:)
I think I'll wait and see where the F and Robert's relationship stands...

number55

Seriously...you DDed? REALLY?

please come back, we were actually kind of joking, in a serious joking kinda way...we didn't intentionally mean to scare you off, its just that really, it is your wedding, we get it, you hate her but you love your FI right? And he likes this dude? Who cares if you hate her. You will have to see her for all of 2 seconds most likely. Yes, it is 'your day' but it is also his and if this guy is his friend you need to accept that his wife comes too.

number55

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_invite-not-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d88d26d2-122a-4a03-a1c5-e9bdc2b075aePost:b765225e-98b7-4bd1-a611-a49e5980a0d6">To Invite? or Not to Invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok ladies, I have a dilemma. Please shout out your thoughts! My fiance has a very good friend (not in the WP); we'll call him Robert.  Robert is married to a woman (we'll call her Tina).  Tina and I DO NOT get along at all. So, do I invite her to appease my fiance (even though that is not ideal for MY day). Do I not invite her and only Robert? Do I wait until the wedding date (late 2011) and see where our relationship stands? I don't want to seem selfish, or be a Bridezilla, but I really only want people at my wedding that I enjoy being around.  Anyone else had this dilemma?
Posted by ashhalsey[/QUOTE]

<div>I don't know how this happened but here is it is again...so you can read it...</div>

jasmineh7777

Oops. We were just joking OP. You said "shout it out" so we shouted it out.

ashhalsey

Sorry ladies, first time poster on an ollldd computer. But LOVING the site!

number55

too weird, it's there, it isn't there, now it is again...

w/e, happy to have you back OP...no, we weren't subtle, because when it comes down to it, you know what the answer to your question is you just want someone else to tell you that it is okay to not invite her. But nobody here will tell you that. 

and chances are, if you don't like her, she doesn't like you either. She won't want to be there either in that case but her husband will make her come. She will be miserable. You will only be miserable if you let yourself be.

aprovencher21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_invite-not-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:d88d26d2-122a-4a03-a1c5-e9bdc2b075aePost:03c51912-3c93-40fd-aa5c-73527c68d35d">Re:?</a>:
[QUOTE]I GUESS WE DIDN'T MAKE IT IN TIME, APROV.
Posted by beatlesgirl25[/QUOTE]

DAMMIT NO ONE LOVE ME...... oh well

jasmineh7777

I love you Aprove, and all your little weenies!

Blueyed228

Of course you have to invite her.

Would you like not being invited somewhere that your husband was?

ashhalsey

Already haven't. The two are engaged and I was not invited to their engagement party, though my F was.  I'm not in the corner crying, I invited her to my engagement party, but I'm just tired of being "the bigger person." I'm sure you all know how that goes.  But good Lord, if I haaavve to....:b

jasmineh7777

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_invite-not-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:d88d26d2-122a-4a03-a1c5-e9bdc2b075aePost:e3128756-dafc-4668-99a2-93e30024b0f7">Re: To Invite? or Not to Invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]Already haven't. The two are engaged and I was not invited to their engagement party, though my F was.  I'm not in the corner crying, I invited her to my engagement party, but I'm just tired of being "the bigger person." I'm sure you all know how that goes.  But good Lord, if I haaavve to....:b
Posted by ashhalsey[/QUOTE]

I've noticed that being really nice to people that don't like you really pisses them off. Compliment her often. Ask how she's doing. It will drive her nuts.

beatlesgirl25

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_invite-not-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d88d26d2-122a-4a03-a1c5-e9bdc2b075aePost:2f7bbcb3-a0dd-4980-a2e8-de856b9250f1">Re: To Invite? or Not to Invite?</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok ladies, I have a dilemma. Please shout out your thoughts! My fiance has a very good friend (not in the WP); we'll call him Robert.  Robert is married to a woman (we'll call her Tina).  Tina and I DO NOT get along at all. So, do I invite her to appease my fiance <strong>(even though that is not ideal for MY day)</strong>. Do I not invite her and only Robert? Do I wait until the wedding date (late 2011) and see where our relationship stands? I don't want to seem selfish, or be a Bridezilla, but I really only want people at my wedding that I enjoy being around.  Anyone else had this dilemma?
Posted by ashhalsey[/QUOTE]

It is actually your FI's day too. And his wedding. AND his friend, so his guests should feel just as welcomed and comfortable as the rest of them. Unfortunately, you can't pick and choose which spouses you'd like to invite. You have to invite them all. So unless this woman murdered someone in your family, there is no good reason for not inviting her. And if you still decide not to, be prepared for your FI's friend to not attend your wedding, and for it to affect their friendship.

ashhalsey

I'm with you Jasmine! Well, the wedding is a looong time from now, so we'll see what happens. Thanks ladies; just like to vent somewhere.  I'm too neurotic to not start planning and every little detail is flooding my brain!

brookelynpaisley

She's the wife of an invitee. You invite both or neither. Those are your only two choices. End of story.

palrmt

Unfortunately your only two choices are to invite both of them or neither of them.  I was in almost this same position.  I told my FI that I can deal with having her at my wedding because I know that it is important to him to have his friend there.  She knows how I feel about her and the chances of her approaching me on my wedding day are pretty slim.  Even if she does get the crazy idea to try to congratluate me I can deal with it and move on.  Its not like I am going to spend my entire wedding day with her.  2 seconds wont really matter.  Just realize that your FI's friend will be hurt and upset if he is not invited and your FI may hold this against you later on.  My advice would be to invite them both and not worry about it.  The day will be such a blur that you probably won't even realize if she is there or not.

526SadieSadie

As much as it pains me to say this, you have to invite her.  They're married, they both get invited, or neither of them do.  If she doesn't like you either, maybe she'll do you the favor of not going.  Either way, you're going to be having a good time at your reception, married to your new husband, I doubt you'll have time to give her a second thought.

I've had nothing but trouble with the wife of our best man.  She's horrid and I can't stand her.  I desperately want to address the invite only to him just to stick it to her.

mhickey426

you have to invite her. why stoop to her level be the bigger person. I know u dont want someone there you dont like but if u see her for 2 mins that will be a lot and who knows she might say no