Open Letters

cheeseandrice

Anyone want to play? vent? brag? whatever.

Wiscisbliss

Dear Dishwasher,

You picked a great time to break.  I love hand washing dishes when company is over. 

Love,

Elizabeth

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Dear state primary election,

Please be over.  Like, now.  Someone hurry up and invent time travel and transport me to that place where everything is finished.

Thanks,
An extremely irritated reporter

cheeseandrice

Dear coworkers,

I know pooping is a part of life. But do you really need to leave proof of your accomplishments in the toilet? Flush twice if needed. I promise no one will care that you wasted more water.

Annoyed,
Your pregnant coworker with a very poor gag reflex as of late.

------------
Dear Minnesota DOT, etc.

Do you ever, you know, communicate internally? If so, you might realize that you've closed literally every major route to and from campus this weekend.

Confused,
This driving-savvy employee who's not sure how to get to work on Sunday

[Deleted User]

Dear guy next to me,

Please stop letting everyone know how stupid you think our sales team is on every single site. We get it. This is your job, so STFU and do it.

Sincerely,
CW who doesn't like your long-winded rants

----

Dear Sky,

It you let rain fall next Saturday I'm gonna come up where and whoop some ass.

Sincerely,
You better not ruin Day 1 of my vacation

-----

Dear Southwest Macaroni Pasta,

Get in my belly.

brandichamberlain

Dear Best Friend,

When you text me that you're backing out of our plans for Saturday afternoon and I tell you I'm not surprised- it's not cute that you replied that you're reliable.  I meant it when I said reliable =/= predictable.  Get out of your husbands ass.

Love,
You're getting on my nerves with this shiiit.

achiduck

Dear Condo Board,

I reviewed the financial statements you sent and they're crap. You may not realize that I  actually know how to read your statements so I will be posing some pretty interesting questions at the annual owners meeting next week. Get ready.

While I'm on it you don't need a $200 K over flow. You can afford to replace the windows more than 4 units at a time. Do you realize that my winter hydro bills were $275 a month for my 700 square foot condo? My summer hydro bill is $55 a month. REPLACE MY FLUCKING WINDOWS ALREADY.

Sincerely,
A pissed off condo owner

Girlie1030

Dear 5:00 this afternoon,

Can we meet in the middle or something? 

Anxiously yours,

Exhausted

anna.oskar

Dear Amazon postal,

Send me my frickin book already!  It has been 11 days and I need that book... 4 days ago for a class.  The tracking lists it as checked in at Brooklyn Park for the past 5 days and no one I call seems to know anything about it.

Sincerely,

The chick who had to B.S. a paper

***************************

Dear H,

I know you don't do it on purpose but please, please, please stop trying to sabotage my weight loss.  it was very thoughtful of you to bring home the fixins for root beer floats but coupled with the bags of chips, soda, and frozen fries...  too much.  just because you've lost the 20lbs you wanted, doesn't mean the rest of the house is done or happy at their weight.

Love,

Your wife

*********************

Dear God,

There are some people down here who could use a little help.  Things aren't going quite as planned and maybe a tiny bit of divine intervention wouldn't be bad things.

Love,

Anna

Nebb

Dear company my husband works for, Thanks for handing out a raise of 0.30 an hour to my husband, I hope your extreme generosity doesn't put your company out at all cause I realize that is a momentous amount of money. Assholes. Sincerely, The chick over here who's so pumped to finally be living the high life.

Bkseller13

Dear House-
I wish you weren't in such bad shape.  Working on you every weekend is getting old.
Signed-
I wanna play and read all weekend


Dear Me-
Your ass and gut aren't getting any smaller on their own.  Get moving and eat better.  Trust me, you'll love going shopping in your closet for the cute dresses you don't fit into right now.
Love,
Me

[Deleted User]

Anna, what book?

amys325

Dear Pregnant BF:

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't be a crazy mom like you are making yourself out to be right now.  I promise that you don't need to send your own mother to a parenting class before the baby comes.  She raised you and she'll be able to babysit your child.  

Thanks, A

DodgersBride

Dear FI,

Please give me some ideas as to what to get you for your birthday. It is a lot harder to get you something, when you can easily and most likely do buy yourself what is is that you want.

Love,
Me

Dear Neighbor,

Please stop smoking in the underground parking. It clearly states in several places "DO NOT SMOKE".

Annoyed neighbor.

brandichamberlain

Oh, and

Dear David's Bridal-

My dress better be altered correctly today since this is the third time we're trying to get the bust right. It's not rocket science and I'm not a different size each and every time. 

Signed,

I just want my dress to fit.

Bkseller13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9d25e30-76a5-4072-adc9-adefcfcb0537Post:5ce767fe-fd50-4c95-801a-78f2eca440c1">Re: Open Letters</a>:
[QUOTE]Dear Amazon postal, Send me my frickin book already!  It has been 11 days and I need that book... 4 days ago for a class.  The tracking lists it as checked in at Brooklyn Park for the past 5 days and no one I call seems to know anything about it. Sincerely, The chick who had to B.S. a paper *************************** Dear H, I know you don't do it on purpose but please, please, please stop trying to sabotage my weight loss.  it was very thoughtful of you to bring home the fixins for root beer floats but coupled with the bags of chips, soda, and frozen fries...  too much.  just because you've lost the 20lbs you wanted, doesn't mean the rest of the house is done or happy at their weight. Love, Your wife ********************* <strong>Dear God, There are some people down here who could use a little help.  Things aren't going quite as planned and maybe a tiny bit of divine intervention wouldn't be bad things. Love, Anna
</strong>Posted by anna.oskar[/QUOTE]

Dear God-
Thank you for Anna, she makes me smile.
Signed- Bkseller

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9d25e30-76a5-4072-adc9-adefcfcb0537Post:1e57b4b4-3362-44a2-acae-e86ad4d02206">Re: Open Letters</a>:
[QUOTE]Anna, what book?
Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]

<div>It's a textbook on Interdisciplinary research.  I've never had a shipment from amazon take this long with the super saver shipping</div>

arwo

Dear cousin,

Thanks for planning a destination fake wedding. I'm thrilled to be spending thousands of dollars to be able to see you say your fake vows because your fiancee's parents don't know that you're actually already married. And I'm thrilled that I won't have to sit through a proper dinner afterwards! I love it when people schedule a late afternoon wedding and then only serve hors d'oeuvres and drinks! YAY!

See you soon,

your poor and hungry cousin

[Deleted User]

Haha nebb, we got a 25 cent/hour raise last year and they acted like we were getting the best deal ever. Uh, no.

Starqueg

Dear Antibiotics,

Thanks for curing my sinus infection, breathing through my nose is a wonderful thing.  However, I do not appreciate the secondary infection you caused.  Why do you screw with my pH so badly?

-Unconfortable

(sorry if that's TMI, but I'm pissed)

kd.joseph

Dear H-
     I knew you traveled a lot when we met, but holy hell this is getting ridiculous! And I still didnt get the time I need to get my massage you owe me for your Talledaga trip. You best be making this up to me soon.

Still love you, even thought I'm annoyed,
You wife.

Dear Son-
    Please stop working for your father, you are exhausted and you are alienating everyone that backs you and takes care of you (meaning me and your Gma)!

Love your mom who hates your attitude!

amys325

Dear Dog,

Please stop being so cute.

Love, Mom

pirategal03

Dear weather this weekend.

I know it's going to be hot and sunny and I'm prepared for that, but can you spare us a cool breeze every now and then?

MC

kaos16

Dear coworker one office over,

Maybe you could hand your friend your cellphone to read the text messages from the guy you no longer want to date instead of reading them all out loud in two different voice for her.

Sincerely,
Kimberly, Your coworker who desperately wants a pair of earmuffs!

LesPaul

Dear God,
Ditto Anna.
Love, Les

PS - no more hail for a while, please?  kthanx



Dear DH,
Please don't call and tell me how awesome your camping trip is this weekend.  I'm not there; I really don't want to hear about it.
Love, your unhappily left-at-home wife



Dear work,
You suck.
Love, Les

kjv2013

Dear Dogs

I am embarassed for you that you both have worms. I know you both are incredibly good at finding forest creature and eating them but thats disgusting and i want it to stop. The last thing I needed is to to put you both in my tiny car with your worm infested butts and drag you to the vets office.

Sincerly,
I still love you though



Dear Friday,

Hurry up and be over please. I am ready for a cold beer.

Sincerly,
I love beer.

BeckyHusband2012

Dear Sister,

Please suck it up just this once and act like you're having fun at my faux Bachelorette/Girls Nite.  I'm tired of trying to convince everyone that you really ARE fun.

Sistas Foreva!

~Beck~

And Seshat411, LOL at your note to the pasta......

gurrlballa10

@Becky, what do you mean faux?

blushingbride232323

Dear Friends with Babies,

I know this might come as a shock, but I am not interested in how you tore while giving birth, how much you breastfeed and the affects on your nips, or any of those other delightful facts. Its even better that you ask me each time you see me if I am pregnant, but your stories about your magic birthing experience are not encouraging me to start trying

Sincerly,
No Babies ATM

sarabear23

Dear Bubba dog - 

Why do you smell like syrup? You need a bath. But I love you.

Sara

Dear BF - 

I love you, but I'm cranky with you for waking me up at 4am! I get it, insomnia sucks, but PLEASE don't call me to chat in the middle of the night.

your tired GF

BeckyHusband2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_open-letters-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:d9d25e30-76a5-4072-adc9-adefcfcb0537Post:37bab6a5-4781-4437-bd3a-7758cdf024f7">Re: Open Letters</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Open Letters : What is a faux Bachelorette party?
Posted by jcbsjr[/QUOTE]

This my second wedding, so I didn't reallly do any parties or showers....this is just an evening of girls going out to dinner.