Snarky Brides

Stress!

My fiance and I proposed on March 13, and our wedding is on April 18. (It's complicated but thankfully is NOT due to me being knocked up!)

Anyway I am so stressed! We have managed to find a ceremony location, prepare a reception, hire a DJ (300$), and I've bought a dress (250$) and shoes (40$), and most of our families (coming from 3 different continents) can attend.

We are now arguing over little things, like having his sister be a bridesmaid - he didn't want to pay 85$ for her bouquet. He thinks that me having a trial hair/makeup is frivolous. He doesn't want to hire a videographer to show the video to the people who can't attend. My parents are giving us easily enough money to cover the wedding AND a celebration in my hometown but he wants to save it all for the honeymoon. (Keep in mind that his parents also gave us some money, and soon I will be able to get a decent job, and his job is well-paying too.) He also insisted on a more expensive ceremony location but is freaking out over an 85$ bouquet for his sister (we are stuck paying their prices) and the videographer.

Am I being ridiculous or is he or both of us?

Re: Stress!

  • You are only being ridiculous if your budget does not allow for those costs.

    Why are you planning a wedding in just a months time? (not that it cant be done, but you kinda set yourself up for the stress).
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  • Sounds like he si worried about money.

    Do not count your chickens until they hatch. Soon you will be able to get a good job? meaning you are looking soon or are guaranteed a job. In this economy this is a HUGE difference.

    You do NOT need trial hair and make up. You do not need to spend $85 on one bouquet. get the flower snad put them together yourself- can be fun and is easy.

    Videographers are expensive. No one is going to want to watch your ceremony. I am not getting a videographer because we are never going to sit down and watch it.


    You call all these things "little things." They are not. They are big money spender and it sound slike your FI is worried about it.


    This is not just YOUR day but his also.

  • I'd prioritize my budget.  While it may seem on the surface that things mentioned in your post were trivial, you trully may want or find them necessary.  If it's still confusing, write down the pros, cons and worth to your wedding.  Will your day absolutely suck if you don't have this thing you're arguing over?

    If you're paying $85 for every other bridesmaid's bouquet, you should pay for the sister's too (you were kinda ambiguous as to whether or not she was the only person standing up for you.  if that's the case, get on Etsy and save yourself some serious cash).
    A videographer?  If the number of guests not coming is that significant, maybe it's worth it... but then what are you going to do?  Ship the video around?  Post it online?  It might be worth cutting this to throw more at a really good photographer so you can share captured moments of your day.  I can't say that I'd watch a ceremony after the fact, mine included.
    Trial makeup is a little frilly, but if you're getting something majorly different or risky, you very well may want to see it on yourself first.  If at all possible, can you do the style you're looking for?  I mean, if you're hiring an artist and you don't do a trial, I'd hope they'd be wise enough to build the color instead of shellacking it on and hoping you like it.  Get a lot of pictures from maazines and the internet and skip the trial.  Trial hair, I totally understand; trial makeup gets an "ehh" from me.

    And as blueyed228 said, you kinda signed yourself up for a sudden load of stress by taking on a whole wedding in a month.  You are one hell of a woman.
  • I think discussion and disgareements about money are part of every healthy relationship. The key is whether you are fighting fair. Ask yourself whether he is having legitmate concerns, if you are being bratty, if he just doesn't get weddings, if he or you have other goals you want to work toward too etc etc...

    I think the key to this is talking it out. Spreadsheets are your friend and being honest about what is important to you without getting defensive is very important. I don't think you are alone in wanting certain things and I don't think you are alone in having a balking fiance. The answer is in how you handle and how you respect each other's feelings.
  • We are getting married in a month's time because of immigration. I figured we'd have a small ceremony for immigration then have a big party in a few months but he wants this to actually be a nice wedding! So HE is the one who chose the expensive venue which required transportation, etc, and I just wanted to elope! But now that we have people who are amazing enough to fly to our wedding on a month's notice, I want it to be nice for them.

    It's not like he's paying for any of the wedding. My parents have given MORE than enough to cover the whole wedding! That's why I don't understand him being cheap about things that will make our families feel more included (like the bouquet for his sister, showing the video to family members who were not able to make the wedding).

    We talked about it and both are feeling better, but damn, I think if I had to plan a big wedding like some of you ladies, we wouldn't make it to the altar! Thanks ladies!


  • I don't think you'd be worse off if you were planning a huge wedding over the course of a year. Don't underestimate how crazy it is to plan a nice wedding in a month! That's enough stress to burden any relationship, even if you're both usually pretty relaxed. People who elope in similarly short time frames often suffer "aftershock." You can be the most perfect couple in the world, but marriage is a HUGE adjustment!!! It literally changes who you are, as a person AND as a couple. You change, and your relationship changes, hopefully in a good way...but even good stress is STRESS!

    You'll probably need to talk each other down multiple times in the next few weeks. You'll have to remind yourselves that the wedding is about celebrating with your families, and no more significant than that. It's only one day, and you should both enjoy it with your families. The little details aren't worth a fight, and you'll have much bigger issues to tackle in your lives together. Set the tone for the big things to come by handling your wedding (BIG, but small in comparison) by learning to compromise. It's not about who's paying (clearly) in your situation...it's about seeing your loved one's point of view and taking it seriously, even if you don't get it.
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