How do I help??

EmilyTork

This is a long and kind of complicated story... I will try to explain best I can.

FI are very good friends with this couple. FI is godfather to their son. FI works with the husband. I'm very good friends with the wife. All three family members are in the wedding (BM, GM and RB). We have always had a really good friendship all the way around.

A few months ago, the husband cheated on the wife Wife forgave him, and they have been working on their relationship. Thankfully, the son is 2.5 years old, so he doesn't understand what has been going on. 

This past weekend, I talked with the wife, and she said things were turning for the better. Unfortunately, I got a text yesterday from the wife saying she caught him cheating again. The husband told FI that it was done and that the wife was out of the house. 

I'm so confused at what to do! I have texted the wife, letting her know of my support for her. Ever since the first cheating incidence, I have not been "accepting" of the husband. I was always pulling for their relationship to work out, and supported them. But I wasn't going to be the first one to call him up to hang out.

The wife needs my support, and I'd love to cut the husband out of our lives. But he works with FI (and will eventually own the company so he would be FIs boss). Plus he plays paintball with FI. I want to support the wife, but can I do that to her "loyally" (not the word I mean, just don't know how to convey what I mean) while keeping him in our lives?

CN: Two friends are married. Man has now cheated twice. Can I help support the wife while keeping him in our lives?

Thanks

Stina51286

Honestly, I'd stay out of it. Be there to listen, but that is it. It is between them and no one else but them.

Ro041

Well crap.  I'm not sure what to say here.  I would likely try to stay out of it.  I am a firm believer that someone can be a good friend while being a sh!tty husband/wife/bf/gf.  Luckily, you have some time to allow her to cool down before the wedding.  Yikes.  Good luck.

EmilyTork

I really don't care about the wedding part... just mentioned that part to show how close they are. They aren't just "some friends" lol. 

I plan on staying out of it, I just don't know if I am a bad friend for still associating with the husband. I really can't kick him out of our lives, but I don't want her to think I'm not supportvive, KWIM? 

Maybe I'm overthinking this... I just don't want her to feel even more alone

hardlyhannah

Me and FI went through something similar. The couple that introduced (matched) us when we first started dating broke up a couple of years ago and we were still friends with both. We made it clear that we would be, but in the end we stayed closer to my friend (the girl) and FIs friend distanced himself from us.

It was a little more convoluted because there wasn't any actual infidelity, just percieved, but it was quite a mess and FIs friend was spreading lies about my friend and it was tough remaining in touch with both but like Rochelle said people can still be good friends even if they're crappy SOs.

Ro041

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_how-do-i-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:dc14e1c3-a00b-4e39-b7b5-1b14d0a48332Post:8fa935b6-f824-48de-931e-fbb67c1b02d8">Re: How do I help??</a>:
[QUOTE]I really don't care about the wedding part... just mentioned that part to show how close they are. They aren't just "some friends" lol.  I plan on staying out of it, I just don't know if I am a bad friend for still associating with the husband. I really can't kick him out of our lives, but I don't want her to think I'm not supportvive, KWIM?  Maybe I'm overthinking this... I just don't want her to feel even more alone :(
Posted by EmilyTork[/QUOTE]

I think you will be fine.  As long as you don't bring Duder up to her (ya know, mentioning all the fun things you are doing without her).  She should know that he will still be around since he and FI work together.  It doesn't make you a bad friend.  :)