Introduction

JenniferKuhl1

I just wanted to say HELLO to everyone... I got engaged yesterday, on Christmas!  The ring was hidden in the bottom of my stocking

My now fiance and I decided that we wanted to get married in the Fall of 2013, most likely October, awhile ago. I graduate nursing school this coming May so I am going to (try) and wait to do any planning until summer so that I can focus on school.  I am excited about having a long engagement - I like the idea of having extra time to plan, plus it will give us time to save money. 

A little bit about us - I am 22 and plan to work as a nurse in the emergency room, I work as a tech there right now.  My fiance, David, is 25 and works on commercial heaters and A/Cs.  We have been together three years.  We have two dogs - Hank is a german shepherd/golden retriever, and Heidi is a german shepherd.  Both are adopted from a local shelter and are my kids  

I do have a couple of questions... when should we have an engagement party?  My dad is going to host it and do just a casual open house type thing, but do we do it relatively soon, or wait?  Also, how long should we wait to do engagement pictures?

Thanks!

- Jen

nicanora24

I'm glad to be the first to welcome you to The Knot! As for your question, engagement parties are usually held within 3 or 4 months of the actual engagement date. A longer wait is ok if the engagement is also long. As for e-pics, I think it depends on what you want them for. Many people use them for save the dates. Personally, I got engaged back in July, but I haven't gotten e-pics done yet.

toribrite

Welcome and congrats! Personally, I am a budget bride and won't be having an engagement party or pics done. But I say any time is fine!

futuremrsbassett

Hi Jennifer. I'm a newbie to the site too and just got engaged on Christmas Eve. : ) I'm also a student going into a nursing program next fall, so we're reserving the wedding for after I graduate. October 2013 is what we're looking at right now too. I'm glad I'm not the only one with a long engagement! I'm happy about it though-- liek you said, gives us time to plan and save. I want to have a traditional, but DIY wedding. I'll be designing the invites, florals, picking budget dresses, etc.

Anyway I was just wondering about the engagement party specifics today myself. I was thinking of waiting until this summer to have a BBQ type thing at one of my parents' houses with the immediate family and wedding party. We can't afford a lavish dinner or anything.

JenniferKuhl1

Thank you all for the advice!!  We decided to go ahead and have the engagement party in February... but now I have another questions...

Is it too much if we invite both of our families?  Like aunt's and uncles....  I know engagement parties are usually just immediate family and wedding party, but we both agreed to not ask our bridesmaids and groomsmen until closer to the wedding date.  Since we are having such a long engagement, I wanted to have the party just be a big celebration and be an opportunity for both families to hang out together.  But I'm worried about it being too big?!   

toribrite

I always think the more the merrier. If you want to invite everyone then you should have a potluck or BBQ or something cheaper like that. If you want a more fancy, expensive thing then only invite immediate family and good friends. 

bruna29

Congrats on your engagement!

Just a tip about engagement parties (and any parties related to the wedding): only invite people who are absolutely invited to the wedding. It's recommended to keep the engagement parties/wedding showers small that way you aren't rude to your guests when you make a definite wedding guest list (just because you don't want to invite someone to a pre-wedding party and then not extend the invite to the wedding itself).

Stina51286

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_introduction-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:ed21eff4-e0c3-49d2-8427-0a311a9aff94Post:9c88eadd-5ab5-4f8a-bb1a-3b7f5fe3072b">Re: Introduction</a>:
[QUOTE]I always think the more the merrier. If you want to invite everyone then <strong>you should have a potluck</strong> or BBQ or something cheaper like that. If you want a more fancy, expensive thing then only invite immediate family and good friends. 
Posted by toribrite[/QUOTE]

You need to get this idea out of your head. This is extremely rude to anyone invited to any sort of wedding event to ask them to bring food. If they offer, fine, if not DONT ASK!

Like another PP said, if you invite them to the party, make sure to invite them to the wedding.

As for engagement pictures, I have been engaged since Aug and haven't had any taken yet. We are waiting for Spring and next fall to get ones that I am looking for. WI is too cold right now and we have no snow to get cool winter ones.

toribrite

Stina: I disagree. There are many girls who have backyard weddings that have a potluck. And I was just talking about an engagement party. I work in a rural area and a TON of girls do it. In the city you don't find it as much, but it can happen.

If worried about others thinking it's rude: don't say "engagement party". Say "engagement potluck"

bruna29

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_introduction-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:ed21eff4-e0c3-49d2-8427-0a311a9aff94Post:62da3347-ab44-47ab-b7da-e8219467a8ae">Re: Introduction</a>:
[QUOTE]Stina: I disagree. There are many girls who have backyard weddings that have a potluck. And I was just talking about an engagement party. I work in a rural area and a TON of girls do it. In the city you don't find it as much, but it can happen. If worried about others thinking it's rude: don't say "engagement party". Say "engagement potluck" :)
Posted by toribrite[/QUOTE]
I know this wasn't posted on the etiquette board here, but technically, it is against etiquette, and it's rude to ask your guests to bring food to your wedding/engagement party. The engagement party is typically hosted by someone else (you should not be hosting your own engagement party), and the host should have all of the food taken care of.

toribrite

I agree that most etiquette says not to ask anyone to bring food, but all I am saying is it does happen. And if you break one etiquette rule that fits your family and your style then it isn't the end of the world. And if people think it's rude then they won't come. No big deal.

Also, a lot of couples now-a-days have to pay for everything themselves (even the engagement party). So expecting someone else to host this for you may not be the most responsible thing. I think that would be rude.

That all said: I am not having an engagement party, but if I did it would not be potluck. I was just saying that is an option that some people take. We would also be hosting it ourselves- our families would not be able to pay for it- and I would rather use that money for the wedding/honeymoon.

Stina51286

Tori this is not the first time you have mentioned the pot-luck you were called out on it on other boards. Also she never mentioned about worrying about being on a budget with regards to the party, so why suggest something when she didn't show concern? Her concern was about it being too big with certain people being invited.

bruna29

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_october-2013-weddings_introduction-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1925524f-fa8b-432f-a7b5-be486ce756efDiscussion:ed21eff4-e0c3-49d2-8427-0a311a9aff94Post:e5d648fb-ab94-4c8f-b39b-7395e69ba9b3">Re: Introduction</a>:
[QUOTE]I agree that most etiquette says not to ask anyone to bring food, but all I am saying is it does happen. And if you break one etiquette rule that fits your family and your style then it isn't the end of the world. And if people think it's rude then they won't come. No big deal. Also, a lot of couples now-a-days have to pay for everything themselves (even the engagement party). So expecting someone else to host this for you may not be the most responsible thing. I think that would be rude. That all said: I am not having an engagement party, but if I did it would not be potluck. I was just saying that is an option that some people take. We would also be hosting it ourselves- our families would not be able to pay for it- and I would rather use that money for the wedding/honeymoon.
Posted by toribrite[/QUOTE]
Interesting. You think it's rude to allow other people to host a party in your honor? How is it not rude to host your own party? I would never host my own engagement party, wedding shower, or bachelorette party because that's just poor taste. It comes across as gift-grabby and tacky. <div>
</div><div>I reread the original OP, and OP: I am glad that you're not hosting your own party. You won't have to deal with your guests side-eyeing you for doing something ridiculously tacky. Here's some info. from TK regarding engagement parties if you need more advice. You could always send it to your dad to help him with his planning! :) <a href="http://wedding.theknot.com/getting-engaged/engaged/articles/engagement-party-planning-101.aspx" target="_blank" title="Click here for engagement party info!">http://wedding.theknot.com/getting-engaged/engaged/articles/engagement-party-planning-101.aspx</a></div>

toribrite

Can you link where I was called out?

Why else would she be worried about how many people there are if not budget? You can always find a bigger place if budget is not an issue.

I really don't want to argue about this. I wouldn't have a potluck meal, I was just suggesting it because some people do it. Some people even have a potluck reception, so I thought a simple engagement party wouldn't be that big a deal. Not everyone has a fancy wedding and can afford all the parties that go along with it. And if their families and friends have no problem with it, and do not think it's rude, what's the big deal?

toribrite

From TK:

"A. Although they're probably not the norm where you live, potluck wedding receptions are actually customary in some countries and cultures (like in the Quaker tradition), where the women of the community come together to help prepare the wedding feast. Some wedding guests will inevitably be put off if they're asked to bring food to a wedding reception. To ease the situation, tell out-of-towners they shouldn't feel obligated to bring a dish, and let the locals know the dish is in lieu of a wedding gift. Request that they prepare one of their favorite family delicacies, then ask them to give you the recipe so you can make them part of your newlywed repertoire. (Don't worry, most people will still bring you wedding gifts, but you'll look gracious for not soliciting them!)"

"Bridal Shower Theme: Potluck Party

What it is: Even if they already own the basics, modern brides and grooms can always use a little help in the kitchen. The twist? Everyone gets involved -- guests bring favorite dishes (along with the recipe for what they bring) from an assigned cuisine, such as Mexican, Chinese, Thai, or French.

Best For: The bride who loves to cook -- and eat! And a smaller group of guests who are eager to pitch in.

Planning Tip: Be sure to have a cute recipe box to collect the recipes and give to the bride to get her cookin'. Continue the theme with favors. Think wooden spoons or colorful spatulas tied with matching ribbon.

Potential Pitfall: Not having enough food. Be super organized and allow for more food than necessary. If Bridesmaid Betty’s baked ziti came out a little too baked (aka burnt), you want to have a backup entrée on hand."

bruna29

Well tori, I had posted a response yesterday, but I think TK ate it. So whatever. I won't argue with you over this, but please understand that pot lucks are completely against etiquette. I understand you're trying to explain that for some cultures it's normal and expected, but for most brides, it's considered poor taste and tacky.

toribrite

Yes that is all I was trying to say. And I definitely understand that it is considered tacky most of the time (esp for the actual reception). 

For OP: It was just a suggestion. Hope you got an answer out of all this.