gifts from non-attendees

i2012do

i don't dare post this on the E board or Registering and gifts for fear of getting flamed.
But did you guys typically recieve shower gifts from people that couldn't make it to the shower.

I know you shouldnt "expect" ot get a gift from anyone. But a few people that didn't come sent me a gift. And a few that didn't come, didn't send me a gift...
I thought I would at least get a card.

Normally I wouldn't bat an eye.
But TWO of the people that didn't come/didn't gift are girls that are married,a nd I went to their showers ,gave them gifts, gave them wedding gifts, and now one has a baby and is pregnant again and i have gone to her baby's baptism gave a gift, her 1st bday gave a gift, her 2nd baby shower (which i thought was a bit gift grabby) and gave a gift. GEEZ!

kap617

I'm not really sure what the standard is on this.  When I was younger and didn't attend a shower, I didn't send anything (mostly because I didn't know any better), but as I've gotten older I've learned/decided that it's appropriate to send a gift in my absence.

It's a little weird that women who have gotten married did not send a gift, but I'm not sure if it's bad etiquette or not.

Long story short, I guess if I were you (and I will likely be in your place very soon!  I haven't had my shower(s) yet) I would be a bit miffed, but there's nothing you can really do about it, so just let it roll off your back.  Attending weddings are expensive, and I can understand that people don't feel the need to send both a shower gift and a wedding gift if they don't attend.

spazticrexe

 It's hard to tell what some people are thinking sometimes. Maybe they're people who consider themselves 'off the hook' if they don't attend a shower or maybe they're planning on getting you an awesome wedding gift since they didn't attend. Either way, it's their decision and gift giving isn't always reciprocated.

It's hard to not feel miffed when someone doesn't put in as much when its your turn as you did when it was theirs, but that's unfortunately just the way it is.

BTCarolus

OK, there was just a really similar post on Registering and Gifts, except it was a girl asking about RSVPs no for the actual wedding. I guess she had some huge decline rate, like 90% (!). For the wedding, the general consensus on that post was that gifts aren't required. I don't know about the shower. I would feel more awkward not sending a gift to the shower...although if I were an OOT guest I might not, I'd be a bit miffed that they invited me to something I can't reasonably go to.

PS, because I was just about to make a post about this here: I got pretty annoyed at the other people replying on that post because they seemed so rude and hypocritical (which is kind of unusal for R&G). I started pushing back against them. Do you guys think I was out of line? Here's the link.

saraschilling88

I personally send a gift if I'm not attending a shower, that's just how I was raised though.

For both of my showers I had people no show who didn't send gifts, for my 2nd shower I had people no RSVP (I was told, I didn't throw the shower for myself) and no gift.  I was a little upset, but let it blow over.  One person surprised me by leaving me a card and gift of money in my parents mailbox after the shower!

Eyejewel

Yeah nothing you can really do. I had some people send gifts that didnt come and others nothing. My simliar problem is my cousins FI getting married in October didnt fome to my shower or send a gift. But im invited to her shower and my grandma was like well if you cant make it just send a gift. So i have to decide whether to go and i was leaving towards no. My work is really busy during July hence why i already had my shower but i got invited to 3 showers and a wedding plus working weekends and my headcount seating is due around when her showe ris. So do i go or not and be the bigger person and send a gift?