Guest Drama *Vent*

VNEluvsAJB

Well we mailed out invites and immediately got a call. FI's cousin called the day after the invites went out and asked if she could bring her 6 kids. FI explained to her that we were only allowing kids in the bridal party to attend the reception because of space and budget restriction and explained that if we were to allow everyone to bring their kids it would be another $3000. He also said that he hoped she'd be able to make other arrangements so she could attend. She of course threw a fit. He called me on his lunch break and told me about this. Later that same day she called me and said not only was she not coming to my shower but she didn't know if they'd come to the wedding either if her kids weren't invited. I followed FI's lead and remained diplomatic and said we'd miss her at the shower and hoped she'd be able to attend the wedding.

Why do people feel entitled to bring their kids and to try to guilt you into inviting them? I understand that it may be inconvenient to find a sitter but I don't understand how that inconvenience justifies two rude phone calls. Why not just decline the invite on the rsvp and be done with it?!

MrsNaut0812

Because they want you to cave and give in to their request. I would stick to your ground and if they don't come oh well. I am sure they are thinking that you will regret them not being there and tell them to bring the kids or something of that sort. Some people just don't get it!

[Deleted User]

Because she wants you to cave! Don't. She's only making herself look bad.

DeClue82

That's nuts! And not ONE kid but SIX!!!! Ugh! I agree with the PP she wants you to cave, but stand your ground... if you make the exception for her then everyone will start calling, and kids are expensive. We haven't run into this issue yet (Adult only reception with no children in the bridal party), but I made sure to spread the word to the people that would be effected months in advance so that when the words "Adult Only Reception" appeared on the bottom of the invite they wouldn't be shocked. One of Fi's cousins did just have a baby (like 3 days ago) and they were a little upset at not being able to bring her (says FMIL), but they understand and haven't asked for an exception, but also probably won't come. We understand, simple as that. I even have one cousin, with 5 kids... and their ages are so far apart that 3 kids make the age cut off and 2 dont... she's brining the ones that can come and her hubby is staying home with the other two... People can be nice and figure out a plan IF THEY WANT TO... some people just want to be a hassle.. thats what it sounds like is going on with your FI's cousin.

Unknown092113

Wow...I am sorry you are going through this. At least you and your FI are on the same page!

I haven't sent my invites out yet and I am worried this stuff will come up too. We put 'adult reception to follow.' We are asking everyone not to bring kids....A) for cost reasons and I just do not trust people to drink and then drive home with their kids in the car.

GL hope it gets easier!

rungirl12

People often feel that they are the exception.  The rules apply to everyone else but me.  She feels entitled and is throwing a tantrum because you have a set rule (good job with establishing that) and aren't straying from it.  Let her not show up if that's how she wants you to remember her.  UGH.

i2012do

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_guest-drama-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:1c2d74a2-dd1d-41e7-b514-e13ba11c3086Post:179d6960-1e13-46c2-a3be-3decbb832814">Re: Guest Drama *Vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]People often feel that they are the exception.  The rules apply to everyone else but me.  She feels entitled and is throwing a tantrum because you have a set rule (good job with establishing that) and aren't straying from it.  Let her not show up if that's how she wants you to remember her.  UGH.
Posted by rungirl12[/QUOTE]

This is so true! People are liek "well I am close to them so they will let me". It's her issue if she can't find a sitter and not your responsiblity
Recently, one of my close friends got married and when she found out she couldnt bring her daughters she wrote on the RSVP in red. "NO can't come cuz I don't have a sitter for my kids and they aren't allowed to attend".
My friend felt horrible and it ws offputting. But it only reflected poorly on the guest- not on the bride and groom.

I give you SO much credit for staying diplomatic. And keeping with the "we hope you can make it and would look forward to seeing you" 6 kids, holy mackeral!! that's absurd and rude. Just keep thinking in your head its not you in the wrong, its her.

ChristineNB

I feel like a lot of people just don't understand "adult only" or they seem to think it means everyone except them.  My mom had told me my aunt was asking if she could bring her 7 year old grandaughter.  When I said no, my mom started bargaining with me with "well what if her husband or what if so and so doesn't come, then can the grandaughter come?"  People just don't get it.

[Deleted User]

Good for you and FI standing your ground together

mrsR12

Glad you and your FI agreed and are together on that one. We also only invited adults and i'm nervous for the potential calls about the same issues.  

again, i can't believe that she would want to bring 6 kids.  does she not know how expensive it is? yes it would be nice to see her but wouldnt be for your pocket.  

delila3451

UGHHH, I feel your pain ladies! I didn't think it would happen to us but just yesterday (and this is already after another guest asked how she should RSVP for their 1 1/2 year old) I received an e-mail from my FMIL letting us know that an extended family member (her and her husband were invited) are also planning on bringing their daughter, son-in-law and 4 year old (who did not receive an invitation). Wow, just wow. I have yet to actually receive their RSVP so we'll see if it's true but I am floored by that. Especially since the daughter and son-in-law got married last summer and FI and I were not invited! Which is totally understandable because we don't even know them.... I didn't know people could be so inconsiderate?!

odustudent22

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_guest-drama-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:1c2d74a2-dd1d-41e7-b514-e13ba11c3086Post:a586a734-7620-47bd-9794-54ed09d5773b">Re: Guest Drama *Vent*</a>:
[QUOTE]That's nuts! And not ONE kid but SIX!!!! Ugh! I agree with the PP she wants you to cave, but stand your ground... if you make the exception for her then everyone will start calling, and kids are expensive. We haven't run into this issue yet (Adult only reception with no children in the bridal party), but I made sure to spread the word to the people that would be effected months in advance so that when the words "Adult Only Reception" appeared on the bottom of the invite they wouldn't be shocked. One of Fi's cousins did just have a baby (like 3 days ago) and they were a little upset at not being able to bring her (says FMIL), but they understand and haven't asked for an exception, but also probably won't come. We understand, simple as that. I even have one cousin, with 5 kids... and their ages are so far apart that 3 kids make the age cut off and 2 dont... she's brining the ones that can come and her hubby is staying home with the other two... People can be nice and figure out a plan IF THEY WANT TO... some people just want to be a hassle.. thats what it sounds like is going on with your FI's cousin.
Posted by DeClue82[/QUOTE]


EACTLY....6 kids is a LOT of extra mouths to pay for.