Texas-Dallas and Ft. Worth

Small Room / Big Room Dilema WWYD? LONG

So we put a deposit down on the small room at Cacharel in Arlington to hold our ceremony and reception. At the time, our list was 90 people (invitees and their guest). The small room holds 100 people. We have already sent out our save the dates and consulted with our parents a million times about the guest list over the phone (they live out of state). Now both of our parents are telling us people that we forgot to invite and they are telling everyone about the wedding and they will be invited. So we thought about reserving the larger room. We made a guest list to include the alternate people and those our parents wanted to invite. Well, it came to about 175. But the more we looked at the list, it was clear the number was so high just to make it worth reserving the larger room. There were people we haven't talked to in years, distance distance relatives, our parents friends, etc. We came to the decision to keep our small room and our original guest list. The extra $5000 it would cost for the room was not worth it to us. We didn't want to ask our parents for the money either. Well now my mom is really not happy and I am having second thoughts about the smaller room. What would you do? Here's the catch...90% of the guest have to travel in from the midwest and it is a holiday weekend.

Re: Small Room / Big Room Dilema WWYD? LONG

  • edited December 2011
    Your mom isn't paying for the wedding.  This is your wedding, not hers.  Let her be mad.  After the wedding she can send out announcements to the people not fortunate enough to have been invited.  I know how aggrevating it is-but if you haven't seen or talked to these people she wants to invite in years, then I wouldn't feel guilty at all about not inviting them!  Keep the small room, keep your sanity, and put your foot down. 
  • edited December 2011
    I ditto Mariah 100%.   Examine the lists and only add guests who are important to YOU or FI.  How about a compromise?  If your Mom wants to pay for a reception in her town to have all these local people attend, you can have an "at home reception" that is on her dime. 
  • edited December 2011
    ...and if they didn't find these 85 people important enough to add on the first few invitations runs...why are they so important now?(not being rude at all, I just can't think of another way to say that)
  • fallbride1109fallbride1109 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    Ditto, ditto, ditto.  Keep the wedding small and intimate like you planned.  There are so many reasons to do it besides just the money anyway.  This wedding is for YOU, not people you've never seen or heard of.No, I'm not bitter or anything.  :) 
  • edited December 2011
    DITTO!  Let her be mad, she will get over it.  She's had her wedding, now it's your turn :)
  • juliebug1997juliebug1997 member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Ditto, ditto, ditto!  I ended up inviting two of my coworkers who I originally wasn't going to invite.  They threw me my work shower and I ended up having to invite them.  It is now five months later, they are making my life (and others in my dept.) miserable and I hate that I spent $160 to invite them to the wedding. 
  • edited December 2011
    Ditto all of the above.  Keep it small! 
  • callie_knotcallie_knot member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone else that it's your day. But having dealt with my share of family drama over my plans you need to be careful. Your mom may have committed to people about inviting them, etc Not that it's right but it may be hard for her to go back and say "sorry" sand save face. To me if she wants the extra people then she needs to kick in and pay the difference.  We will have a few people invited that are in this kind of grouping. My mom and dad have some dinner "buddies" that they go out with (since high school) every month. There are 28 of them not including my parents. A few have said they won't make it but the rest will be there. So I told my mom that they will have to pay for them. She honestly did not have a problem with that but in my mind we're paying for almost everything ourself and I understand her wanting to invite her friends but we cannot pay for it. If I had just told my mom no then I would be hearing about it for years to come.
  • fallbride1109fallbride1109 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry, but I have soooo had it with parents wanting to invite their friends.  These are not OUR friends, we don't know them, etc.  At a month out, I am sick of having to make favors and spend money on people I don't even know and will never see again.  I do NOT get it.I know I probably sound like a spoiled brat.  I'm just tired and don't care anymore.  Sometimes I feel like this wedding is all about the guests and to heck with us.
  • edited December 2011
    Sometimes I feel like this wedding is all about the guests and to heck with usSteph you took the words right out of my mouth!!!
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