Best Friend Drama

jmleejohnson

So, Jeremy and I just changed our extra large wedding into a extra small more romantic wedding and we also changed the date from 4-13-13 to 8-31-12, not because we have any reason to rush and go go go, just because we are ready and want to be married to each other, we were actually just going to go somewhere and just do it but he is thoughtful enough to make sure that I still have a wedding, so we are eloping essentially but we have a set date to do it and we are telling his parents and my sister and best friend.

When I went to tell my bff about the new plan she completely FREAKED OUT and said that she wasn't coming if i changed the date. We have since talked it out, sort of, she still hasn't given me an answer about coming and I really don't know what to do. We don't want to spend thousands on a wedding and we are not changing it back at this point but my family lives in Minnesota, as does my bff and sister, and I flat out told them that I would come to them and I didn't want them to spend all their money coming to AZ for my wedding, but the two people I depend on are Aly and Melissa.. I honestly don't even know if this is making sense, I just need some advice maybe? Have you guys had to deal with any drama like this, if so, what did you do?

I feel like even though we have talked about it there is still so much tension between us and its inescapable but then I think maybe I am just over thinking it all and its really fine, maybe I am literally just being crazy. I don't know either way. 

jmleejohnson

I should add, her main argument was "well now I won't be as much of a part of it" she was planning on coming down from MN at the end of this month, once in the fall, we're going there for Christmas then my bachelorette party was/is in Vegas in February and then a week for the previous wedding date... We're still going to Vegas because that is my sisters 21st birthday weekend so thats why I say was/is... Jeremy gets a weekend in Vegas before the wedding I get a weekend in Vegas after the wedding.  Sorry, i tend to ramble and forget the key arguments until later on. ha. So my only retort is "so i'm saving you money?"

dawnp917

To me it sounds that your friend is being a little unreasonable.  Did you tell her that she will no longer be involved in any of the planning?   Was she previously going to be a BM and now she isn't? 

She can still be just as involved in the planning as before.

saraschilling88

Maybe she feels like because you changed the date she won't get to spend as much time with you (it looks like she was planning to visit a few times?).  Also, she could be sad because it means it is that much closer to the time she realizes that her best friend's life will be changing in a big way. 

When did you tell her about the date change?  Is it possible that she just temporarily freaked out?  Maybe give her a little bit of time, and call her once in awhile to just ask about how she is doing and what's going on in her life (NWR) to make sure she knows that she is still an important part of your life

I also wondered about Dawn's question, was she previously a BM and not anymore?  That also could be the cause of the drama...

I hope things work out between you two soon!!

jmleejohnson

Previously I had three Bridesmaids and three groomsen and they are still going to be known as that but they aren't going to buy expensive dresses and all of that she would be the maid of honor if I didn't have a sister. And I would never tell her that she is not allowed to help plan anything or any of that, I still want her very much involved in the process so I don't have a heart attack.. anyway, I told her like a week and a half ago. And now she isn't coming at the end of the month which sucks because I literally have NO ONE to help me find a dress except my step-mother in law to be... which is fine I just wish that nothing had changed? I don't know, I haven't seen Aly since like October and it was a bad weekend because she brought one of her good friends down here, a friend that isn't necessarily my friend, and I felt like the third wheel in my own place... soo anyway, I feel like that might be part of the problem, we have like a long distance relationship going on.

saraschilling88

Hmm, long distance friendships can be hard... But to totally back out even though she is still a BM does seem harsh and her bringing a friend who isn't your friend to your house seems rude (did she ask first?)..  I'd let things cool off a bit, and reapproach later..

So sorry you are going through this..

jmleejohnson

When I say she freaked out she completely lost it like saying "I don't think thats a good idea, I don't know why you are rushing... etc etc etc" just lots of non support you don't expect to hear from a best friend, but it seems that after this weekend it is getting better. 

I sent her a really long e-mail explaining myself to her and whatever else and told her that she is my best friend and that nothing like this should come between us and the whole point was that I loved her more than a lot of things. 

We haven't seen each other in 6 months and won't for another couple of months so I completely understand how it is difficult. 

I think that she is going to come even though she hasn't said it yet, I am sure she will. I am just very ready for this argument to be past us.