Am I being a bridezilla?

nessaalwayz

So here's the story - when we went for our tasting at the venue, we brought my mom and his mom with us. We tasted a bunch of things and FI and I decided on the menu (a chicken dish, a pasta dish, and a beef dish). That day (at the venue!) & for about 2 weeks straight after, FMIL had been asking FI over and over: "how come you're not having fish?" "You should have a fish dish" "Everyone has fish at their wedding!" "All of our family wants fish" "You should get rid of the pasta and put a fish" "Who's gonna eat the pasta anyway?" (To which I explained that my BEST friend and my BROTHER (a groomsman), as well as one of my sisters friends are vegetarians, and I wanted to make sure there would be something substantial for them to eat and not feel like they were not thought of) Her reply was to get the fish instead and give those people an individual plate of pasta. However, Im having a buffet, and wanted them to be able to eat just as much as everyone else...

PLUS - NEITHER FI NOR I EAT FISH!!!!!! I think it's pretty important that the food at OUR wedding is food we eat! I can't even stand the SMELL of fish - it makes me nauseous! 

Anyway, she finally made us find out how much it would be to add a fourth entree to the menu, and we told her how much and now she says she's gonna give us the money in order for us to have fish at the wedding... At first I was like whatever, as long as I'm not paying for it, but now that I think about it, I really dont wanna be nauseous at my own wedding from the smell of fish. Why cant she go 1 day without eating fish, I dont get it?!?!

Would I be really rude to tell her that I dont want the fish after she already gave FI the money for it? 

Tell me if I'm crazy, I dont mind LOL 

libby2483

I would say that if it were just personal preference, and you didn't like fish, go ahead and offer it if FMIL is willing to pay.  However, if the smell makes you sick, I say stand your ground.  It seems silly that she is making such a big deal out of this.  I don't think you are being a bridezilla.

jjolovich

Since she suggested getting plated pasta for the few that were vegitarian, I would put it back at her and say ok you can pay for a plated fish meal...and see what she says, that may be harsh but she did it to your family. Im kind of vindictive when it comes to stuff like that....

msowena

I would have FI give the money back and explain to her that you guys don't like fish, that plenty of people you have spoken to (that have no dietary limitations) are excited about the pasta dish- yes I would lie about that at this point just to have as 'valid' as an argument as she does about 'everybody wanting the fish' lol (personally, I would pick the pasta dish and I have no dietary limitations...I just like pasta- OH THE HORROR!! lol), and that on top of all of those reasons (which are all valid reasons in themselves), FI feel's nauseous when she smell's fish.

Also...I think 4 entree's is a little overkill. If I was guests and I saw 4 entree's, I would be thinking "I wish they only had 2 or 3 entree's and save that extra cash they spent on the 4th entree and instead add more variety of side dishes" (I know this isn't an option since it FMIL money...but the guests won't know that)

As far as it being rude...maybe a little because you already agreed to it. But that wouldn't stop be personally... you said yes in the heat of the moment to shut her up... but the more you thought about it the more you didn't like the idea.

EDIT as an after thought: I am not serving fish at my wedding (although I love it) and have actually NEVER attended a wedding that served fish.

BTCarolus

I was going to come say what msowena said at the end of her post: I have never, ever had fish at a wedding. I've never even seen fish at a wedding. Your MIL is either picking something crazy to harp on (in which case, are there underlying issues that fish is standing in for?), or she's confused your wedding with Fridays during Lent.

rungirl12

My first thought is, where is she coming from?  Why is she so insistant on this particular dish?  Does she not like ANY of the others being offered?  I do see your frustration!

That being said, it is your FIs responsibility to communicate to his mom that you do not want fish and you are bothered by the smell.  He needs to stand up for you and tell her no.  If he can't do this, I would be upset with him.  When my FI doesn't like something my mom wants, it is my responsibility (if I agree with him) to tactfully tell her no.

As for what you can do now... I'm not so sure.  I have found the best time to cut out the drama on issues like this one is to nip it in the bud as early as possible.  Once the tasting was held and the decision made, that should be the end of it.  When she brought it up again, she should have been told that decision was already made and you should not have offered to get pricing on it for her.  That just gets her hopes up and makes it tougher to stand your ground.  I say this as if I'm an expert, and I am not.  MUCH easier said than done.  But, at least you can approach future disagreements with that stance.  Be polite, but firm and have FI handle her demands.

saraschilling88

I agree with PPs that your FI should be the one to talk to his Mom, also if you are nauseated by the smell of fish I don't think that should be at your wedding.  I've also never been to a wedding where fish was served!  I like your idea of the pasta dish though!!

Good luck!!

nessaalwayz

Thank you so much ladies for answering. I'm going to talke to FI about it soon and try to work it out. 

It really sucks though, because I never had too many problems with FMIL until I started this wedding planning! & I don't want to strain our relationship, but I really think she is in the wrong here - I wouldnt even have the gawl to suggest menu changes to anyone at their own wedding. 

elhoekenga

I agree, tell her that you don't want fish at all even if she is paying. It isn't her wedding.

And to 2 other posts' point, I have NEVER EVER had fish at a wedding nor have I seen it offered! Beef or chicken, that's it. Or a buffet. People can get what they want anyways, why is she so stuck on having fish?

IMO - Stand your ground, politely tell her no.

brian&liv

I had the same exact situation with my FMIL, and whole family actually, but with our alcohol decision.  We're having it at the dinner, but don't want a bar at the reception b/c so many of our college/childhood friends and family members wouldn't be responsible, and we simply don't want that at our wedding.  Plus, we're not big drinkers whatosever, and we decided to have it only with the dinner.  We got attacked with phone calls and messages on how 'its just stupid, it doens't make sense. there is not a single wedding that doesn't have alcohol at the reception. it's just not normal. it's plain dumb.' etc. etc. They offered to pay in the same way, but it wasn't about that.  It was VERY difficult for us, but in the end we just firmly said, this is our decsion and that's final. end of story.  People could either go out after if they so desired, or just go a night without cocktails and be content with wine and champagne with dinner.  They are fine with it all now.  I thought it was going to be the end of the world for them, but I think they've gotten over it!