Too many events?

mercy4

Let me premise this by saying, I am the kind of person who doesn't throw myself a birthday party because I don't want to worry about how everyone else is going to get home.Some of my bridesmaids have come to me with conflicts they have with other bridesmaids about my shower. It stresses me out because there's not much I can do, since I'm not involved in the planning or the paying.Between the shower, the bachelorette, and the idea of hosting a bridesmaids luncheon where it's my treat, I feel like they are getting sick of me and the time I am asking of them. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like some simply don't want the time commitment of these events. It hurts my feelings that I am nervous to expect a friend to spend a few hours of her time, not money, with me. It could be all in my head and I'm taking it the wrong way, but now I definitely know how to react positively when I'm a bridesmaid someday.

BTCarolus

Are you getting that sense because their responses to you are lukewarm, or because of the tension over the shower? It could be that they're just all wrapped up in shower drama, and it has nothing to do with you. It doesn't seem like you're asking too much of them, in terms of a time commitment. The only thing I would say, I think I would prefer to have the luncheon/bridesmaids tea either as lunch the day-of before or during getting ready, or else the day before as part of a spa trip or something. It's a normal expectation for bridesmaids to be heavily involved with the bride the two or three days before the wedding, but it might be slightly annoying for them if they have to show up for a lunch the day after, which I kow some brides plan. You just want to make sure you're not making too many extreme demands on their schedules, and be flexible/not insulted if somebody can't come to something because she's too busy.

rungirl12

I'm lucky in that my bridesmaids are 4 friends who all like each other and 2 family members who are low drama, so I do not have any squabbling going on.  That being said, I feel guilty about inviting and expecting them to be at my shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner and then wedding.  Especially since 3 friends live 1.5 hours away.  However, none of them have complained and I decided long ago that I would not take offense if someone couldn't make one of the first 3 events. My friends and I typically see each other about once every 3-4 months, so this is a bit more frequent and when I met up with them a couple weeks ago to give them their dresses & shoes, I at least tried to make the dinner spot about halfway as not to inconvenience them.  They all say they're excited and look forward to the events, but I can't help but feel a bit selfish for it all.

saraschilling88

I feel like that with my BMs too, but 2 of them live out of state... I have felt alone most of the time with things, because people back out at last minute and stuff..

My friend was supposed to be a BM, she backed out 2 days before we went dress shopping (this was 3 months after I asked her to be a BM), saying it was "too much money, too much time commitment, just had a baby so noone will watch him" etc.. I understood that, a new baby is a time consuming thing, and she isn't working so her hubby/our best man is sole provider.. I thanked her for telling me, and offered her to be my personal attendant, she agreed to do that.. Since then she has also backed out on 2 bridal shows (she had to go to her parents house).  She backed out 2 days before my first shower (she had to go to her parents house, couldn't not go, even though the shower was a 1/2 hour away from her parents house).  Last night she said "Oh I just realized your Mom's shower was on Memorial Weekend, I have to be at my parents house that weekend"- ok at this point I'm getting really upset because I told her 4 TIMES that it was Memorial Weekend and she had promised she'd come to my Mom's shower, and she goes to her parents house EVERY WEEKEND!!!!!!!  She also backs out on NWR commitments a lot, unless it fits into her time away from her parents (just saying so you realize it isn't just a wedding thing)...

I understand how you are feeling OP, I feel the same way with my friend.. My MOH and BMs have been very supportive for the most part.  MOH and BM#1 live OOT (actually out of state) so they have been mostly verbally supportive over the phone and assisting with things they can control (getting flower girl dress, helping me find deals for things online, etc.)... My BM#2 lives OOT too (a few hours away), but she made time to go dress shopping with me (was working a little over full time a pay period at that time) and was working the weekend of my first shower (totally understood, was unoffended), and is planning to come to my 2nd. 

I haven't expected a whole lot from my MOH/BMs because they are OOT (and OOS), so maybe that is why I haven't been as frustrated with them as my friend listed above.. I also want to note that if it seems like I have asked her to do a lot, it is because when we got engaged she was like "yeah I want to help you with things and go to things like that" and seemed totally excited... My FI told me to just stop trying to hang out with her (WR and NWR) because when I do it always seems like she is going to her parents house, made other plans, too tired, or just doesn't repy...  It just hurts because she is one of my closest girlfriends...

From reading other ladies responses, I feel bad for everyone because I really didn't think this was a common thing...

mercy4

Thank you for the thoughtful replies. I wanted to have the lunch the Sunday before the wedding because it's a Saturday daytime wedding and I didn't want to ask anyone to take off work the day before. I would ask them if they would want their nails done or something on Friday but some are picky about where they go. I don't have a lot of friends but the ones I have are very special to me so I get offended easily. Thanks again. I'm feeling a little better.