August 2012 Weddings

Wedding canceled, worst friday the 13th ever

A few days ago I posted about all the problems we were having and FI's doubts, but at that point I still had hope that it would work out. FI told me to keep planning and we even went and picked up our marriage license. Well late Thursday night he told me he didn't only want to cancel the wedding but he doesn't want to be with me at all. I have been crying for the last two days, I haven't been able to sleep, I have little to no apetite and just don't know what to do with myself. I can't really even bring myself to accept that this is real.

And he is acting like nothing has changed, he is persistent that he still loves me but that this is all just too much. We have been through so much together and now that it is all starting to work out (we both got better jobs, we have been communicating better....) he decides it will be easier to just quit. But he still wants to come to counceling with me, and he talks to me like nothing has changed, telling me about work and other every day things. 

He is coming here tomorrow and we are supposed to discuss things more then, since everything sofar has been over the phone with him being at his mother's house most of the week for work. My parents didn't want him spending the night in their house but since he wants to come to counceling on monday they are letting him.

My parents called all the vendors yesterday and started calling family. And since it is less than 30 days from the wedding my parents have to pay in full. I told them I will pay them back for everything and they said no but I still want to. The Dj was nice enough to tell them that they are technically supposed to pay in full but he isn't going to make them. And my MOH told me she didn't want her shower gift back and she didn't want any money for her dress. One other guest also refused to take her shower gift back, she said to put it into the babys account instead.

So on top of this, my brother broke his wrist the same night, FI is sick again with strep, a double eye infection and a double ear infection. He has no insurance (we were going to find him a doctor as soon as we were married and he was on my insurance) so he goes to a walk in clinic where the doctor there told him that his getting sick so much is not good and he should be tested for immune disorders. Our would be best man broke up with his serious GF, our daughter was sick for 3 days with a persistent fever of 102 (probably not what FI had, more likely a virus or the result of a vaccination according to the pediatrician). I never really believed in Friday the 13th being bad luck but this one made me a believer.

So the weekend the wedding would have been I will be taking our daughter up to NH for the weekend so we can go to Storyland. I just really can't be anywhere near here that day.
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Re: Wedding canceled, worst friday the 13th ever

  • you poor thing.  I am so sorry.  I'm sick to my stomach with empathy for you.  We are deff. praying for you and your daughter and your situation.  If there is anything I can do to help in some way, let me know.  Easier said than done, but try to keep your head up and have faith.
  • kap617kap617 member
    100 Comments
    I am so sorry to hear all this. I am sort of in disbelief, too, trying to think of a solution, but, of course, there is no easy one.  Please take some time out for you--be sure to take care of yourself.
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  • I'm very sorry to hear this all happened so quickly and so close to the wedding.  I'm glad to hear you have very loving and supportive friends and family.  Please don't hesitate to ask them for help/support when you need it.  Use the counseling to decide what's best for YOU.  Thoughts and prayers are with you. 
  • Oh my goodness. I'm so sorry, this makes my heart hurt.

    Everything will be okay eventually, no matter how hard that is to believe now.
  • That is very sad news. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this. Definitely take some time for you. It sounds like a really good idea to get out of town that weekend. Only you can decide what the next step is.
  • AjoydAjoyd member
    100 Comments
    I am reallly sorry that it turned out this way, especially as you are so close to the wedding. I wish I had some really great wisdom to offer but of course only you know what is best for you and your daughter. I wish you all the best, no matter what happens, eventually you will find peace with all of this.
    Married my love 8-25-12 TTC #1 since September 2012. BFP 2-2-13. photo 455d4bc3-3623-4c16-8dd1-1fbc7e99e147.jpg BabyFruit Ticker My BFP Chart
  • So sorry to hear that. Take time for yourself and your daughter.

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  • OMG! I am SOOO sorry for you! I JUST went through a big fight with my FI a couple of weeks ago and he said he wanted to just call off the wedding and left...We eventually sat down and talked about it and he blames it on all the stresses of being laid off work on a Monday even though he started a new job that Fri, his father had just passed away last month..The ladies on this board were very supportive...I just don't know what to say..there is nothing anyone can say to make you feel better..Its like everything came crashing down, I know how it is to have a sick lil one too, it makes life much harder and then him?! Bless your heart, I am just speechless, especially since it is so close to the wedding :(
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  • I am so sorry. He didn't even want to work it out. It makes me upset to see that he said it would be easier to call it off. I hope everything gets better for you. Keep your head up girl
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  • Wow I'm so sorry to hear all of that. I can't even imagine. What the DJ did was nice, as was what your MOH and guest said, so it seems you've got support through all of this, which is important. I'm sure it's difficult, but I hope you are able to make the best of the situation, especially for your daughter. 

    A side note: I went to Storyland for the first time when I was about 16-17 because I was not originally from New England, and FI's family felt that I HAD to experience it. I hope you're able to enjoy yourself while you're there, even if for a minute. :)
  • I am so sorry you are going through all this.  You need to focus on taking care of you and your daughter for now.
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  • I'm so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine how much you must be hurting. I am a firm believer that all will work out as it is meant to be, but I know that must be hard to imagine right now. It sounds like you have some great family and friends that will help you get through. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
  • I really don't have anything to add to what the other ladies said, lots of great advice and kind words have already been said- but I do want you to know that I'm thinking of you and your daughter. Take care of yourself; I can't imagine what you're going through right now...
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  • I am so sorry! I don't have anything other to say than that but I feel for you. Hugs 
  • Hugs to you.  You likely feel like the world has been ripped out underneath your feet and probably look around wondering how everyone can just go on with their lives like nothing is wrong when your world is shattered.  Cliche as it sounds, things do happen for a reason and I would guess that one day you will be able to look back on this and actually feel relief/happiness that you did not marry your FI.

    I went through a broken engagement in 2006.  We were only in the early stages of wedding planning, so I can't fully relate to being so close, but I still know how it feels.  I am now so happy I did not marry my FI at that time - my life would be nowhere near as great as it is now.  You will gain more independence and become an even stronger woman than you already are as you work through the next few months.

    I would recommend visiting theregoesthebride.com if you want to chat with others that have been through broken engagements.  They are so supportive and can truly relate.  I spent so much time on there (just as I do on here), as I connect well with people online and it helped me pull through.  If there's anything more I can do for you, PM me.
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  • I am so sorry to hear this. 
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  • Thank you all so much for the support, I have just been trying to keep busy and stay strong for the baby. We went to the childrens museum today, it was really nice. FI (I can't seem to be able to bring myself ot call him ex) is actually really sick. The doctor at the walk in referred him to an infectious disease specialist at the hospital and wants him to try to get an appt asap, and they recommended he not come here this week because he could get the baby sick. So even with how hurt I am I am really worried about him. I want to be there to support him but don't know how I should act given the situation. 

    I also really want to be able to talk to him face to face about everything and how things are going to work, and what exactly he wants. I asked him why he is acting like nothing has changed and he said "well, I'm not going to treat you any differently." What does that mean? How can you end a relationship with someone but not change anything about how you treat that person? I feel like his behavior is keeping me from fully accepting the finality of the whole situation. 
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  • My heart breaks for you. You are going through such a terrible time and he isn't helping anything by keeping you in limbo. Keep your head up and stay strong for yourself and your daughter. Know that you have lots of knotties praying for you and that if God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.

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  • I'm so sorry! My thoughts and prayers are with you! I can't imagine how difficult this is!
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  • Im sorry to hear all this :( Let me just say that by what you have written you sound like a great person, staying strong for your baby and also still worrying about your FI. Sounds like there is just too much going on for both of you right now. Try speaking to him again after his health is better. Dont give up :) Hugs!
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  • I'm sure nothing I can say can help you feel better. I would give you as long as a hug as I possibly can if I were next to you. I will be praying for you. 
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  • Super Massive Hugs... OMG i'm in tears with you over this!!!  II am so sorry... Wedding stress can seriously put massive stress on a relationship.. Things will work out in your favor .. I am believing that for you.
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