Best Friend Date Drama

mcca9035

Hey guys

So I'm really stuck on this situation. My best friend and second in line BM has been dating this guy for over a year and half and I can't stand him!!! I still hang out with them sometimes and I bite my tongue plenty of times for her, but he is really not a good guy to her. (She pays his rent, he can't commit even after a year and a half,  he's always flirting with other girls, she started doing bad things because of him, and on and on).

Another piece of the story is that they were invited to her co-workers wedding this past summer and got into such a big fight the day of they never showed up at the wedding.

Anyway her whole family is invited to the wedding and the other day she asked me if she gets to bring a date or if her family counts as her date. I wasn't sure what to say. At this point we don't really have room for him but I'm sure we will get some no's and could add him. However I don't really feel like I want him there and she is basically my maid of honor (my sister is my MOH but she's 17) so I want her 'focused' I guess. I'm not sure if I am being selfish or if it's ok if I don't want to invite him. What do you guys think?

bmetz34

I understand why you don't want to invite him, sounds like a big d-bag.  That being said I think you kind of have to.  Her family should be able to keep it in line.  Plus she'll be there without him getting ready with you etc, so she won't be distracted at that point (as long as they're not having a text fight).  But if you are doing dates for most people, or everyone in a relationship, or the other BM's, then I think he needs to be included.

calindi

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_best-friend-date-drama?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:9491454b-e289-489e-b33e-11870b3b29f1Post:e7fb1a54-629c-4625-b333-1f55ae63b6b8">Best Friend Date Drama</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey guys So I'm really stuck on this situation. My best friend and second in line BM has been dating this guy for over a year and half and I can't stand him!!! I still hang out with them sometimes and I bite my tongue plenty of times for her, but he is really not a good guy to her. (She pays his rent, he can't commit even after a year and a half,  he's always flirting with other girls, she started doing bad things because of him, and on and on). Another piece of the story is that they were invited to her co-workers wedding this past summer and got into such a big fight the day of they never showed up at the wedding. Anyway her whole family is invited to the wedding and the other day she asked me if she gets to bring a date or if her family counts as her date. I wasn't sure what to say. At this point we don't really have room for him but I'm sure we will get some no's and could add him. However I don't really feel like I want him there and she is basically my maid of honor (my sister is my MOH but she's 17) so I want her 'focused' I guess. I'm not sure if I am being selfish or if it's ok if I don't want to invite him. What do you guys think?
Posted by mcca9035[/QUOTE]

It's sucky that she's with someone you don't like, but sadly we sometimes have to put up with sucky significant others of our friends.

Are you inviting other people with dates?  If so, you really do need to invite him, too.  If they cause a scene, I know that would suck, but it would be a reflection of them, not you.  Just have a friend or two who know about the situation, or a coordinator or wedding planner, keep an eye out, and if something happens they should escort him out of the wedding.  Be prepared she might go with him, but sadly that's her choice.  If he's this ridiculous, he might cause a fight so she wouldn't be able to go even if you just invite her alone.  You can't prevent their ridiculousness by not inviting him.

For what it's worth, I think my future mother-in-law will probably get drunk out of her mind and give her boyfriend a lapdance at my wedding.  This is like 90% likely.  And yet I'm still inviting her boyfriend because I'm letting other people bring dates, and it is only fair and the right thing to do as a hostess.  However, I do plan on making sure that sh*t gets videotaped so I can laugh at it forever if it does go down!

Ajoyd

I completely understand where you're coming from but I agree with PPs, you really should invite him. Even if you aren't inviting all of your guests with dates, members of your wedding party should be invited to bring their SOs.

saraschilling88

I am sorry that your best friend has a dramatic relationship with her SO.  I have a friend who was with this guy who we absolutely DID NOT think was good for her (you couldn't catch him abusing her but he yelled at her all the time and would get physical occasionally and say it was him in "army mode" and he couldn't control it), luckliy she got out of that relationship but if she hadn't, I would be inviting him to our wedding even if I knew he would flirt with every other single gal and dry hump half the guests (not kidding, he would have done that even if he was sober), just because he was with my friend.  I would have had him escorted out of the wedding/reception if he did that though..

I would definitely have people designated to keep an eye on the situation, and kindly escort him out (and keep him out) if anything starts.  I hope your friend would stay for you even if he is escorted out, but if she doesn't that is her loss and not a reflection on you..  Good luck!!