How can I give advice

mtbentley

I received a facebook message today from a girl I used to work with but haven't seen in about 2 years (we talk ocasionally through fb or text), the message said "my jack and jill shower will be on labor day because we have to elope." I was a little shocked at this but looked to see if she had a registry at any of the big stores so I could still send her a gift, I did find one and saw that she registered for gift cards. She is a really good person and if she knew how rude it was to throw herself a shower, especilly when she is eloping, and asking for gift cards/cash she would not be doing it. I think she doesn't know any better and doesn't have anyone to point her in the right direction. Is there a nice way I can tell her that everything she is doing is rude? Would it be okay to send her a link to an etiquette website just saying she may find it helpful with her wedding planning? Or should I just leave it alone and let her make her own mistakes? 

[Deleted User]

It seems like if she already has done all of this that it may be too late!  It probably wouldn't hurt if you sent a link with a "congrats, i thought you might find this site helpful while youre planning, i know i used it!"

[Deleted User]

I would leave it alone. She may or may not know that it's rude, but she also may or may not care. Your pointing out her flaws could be seen as equally rude, especially because you say you're not terribly close to her. If it was your sister, for example, I might suggest something different.

Send a card if you're feeling charitable, congratulate her, and then move on.

mtbentley

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_how-can-i-give-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:9e8e9641-6b74-405c-b691-a88f97f8b48bPost:c781c308-0402-459e-a5df-e68bee1aa878">Re: How can I give advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I would leave it alone. She may or may not know that it's rude, but she also may or may not care. <strong>Your pointing out her flaws could be seen as equally rude, especially because you say you're not terribly close to her</strong>. If it was your sister, for example, I might suggest something different. Send a card if you're feeling charitable, congratulate her, and then move on.
Posted by lissadelsol[/QUOTE]

<div>This is exactly what I was worried about.</div><div>
</div><div>Thank you both for the advice. I do want to send her a gift, she really is a good person, when we worked together all she wanted to do was help people, and I am very happy for her. I will probably tell her how helpful reading the TK boards has been for me with my wedding planning, maybe if she chooses to check it out it can help her avoid any more etiquette blunders.</div>

saraschilling88

I agree with your last post, to send a card and mention TK's website.  She may be totally ignorant of etiquette, and maybe someone else is actually throwing the shower but they aren't sending formal invites?  Just a thought.