August 2012 Weddings

Vent, stressed and MOH is MIA

My MOH is my best friend and I know she has always been a flake and I still love her but lately I have really needed to get out of the house to relax a little it feels like she can't be bothered. We have conflicting work schedules to it can be difficult but we try to make plans, but every time we do have plans she bails at the last minute (usually to hang out with someone else, once she bailed to go shopping with her mom). Quite a few times she has texted me that she is going out to the bar at a certain time and I should come, that time comes and goes, I am all dressed and ready to go out, I try calling her to see what the deal is, she never answers her phone so I will then send her a text and she will answer with something like "we decided to go out later instead." She knows I can't be out too late because I have a toddler who is up at 6am every day so I like to be home by midnight. I don't understand why we can't go out for a couple hours and then she can meet up with her other friends after, especially when each time this has happened she had originally planned to go out earlier anyway. Even trying to make daytime plans always falls through, she always has to go to the gym or clean the house or something. This last time she bailed at the last minute and said "maybe we can do something tomorrow" I just told her no because I don't want to make plans just to have them fall through again. I feel like it was harsh but I am so fed up with getting my hopes up and being let down.

I am so stressed out right now, FI is out of state 4 nights a week for work and when he is here he is too tired to do anything but sit on his butt and watch tv (he hangs out with his friends while he is away). The only thing I do is go to work and take care of the baby. The only time I go out is with my mom to do wedding stuff. All I want is a break but no one is around, I take the baby out for walks and stuff but it isn't the same as hanging out with my best friend. If she would just answer her phone I could explain how am feeling and maybe she would try harder but all she will answer is a text message and even then I often don't get any answer. Even if she would just stop by the house for an hour so we could talk I would feel better, or I could go to her apt, but that last time we tried that I told her I would call for directions when I got out of work but when I did she didn't answer or call me back.

Sorry for the long vent I am just so down right now, I hope you girls can send me some happy thoughts
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Re: Vent, stressed and MOH is MIA

  • :( I'm so so sorry you're going through this. Have you tried telling her exactly how you feel? Just as you told us in this post? My cousin just went through this with her best friend and they just cut off the friendship because she was such a flake. And I'm GLAD that I didn't have my other friend as my MoH as I was going to originally because she's just a BM now and I never ever hear from her - EVER. She's more in touch with my MoH (the aforementioned cousin) than me!!! 

    I TOTALLY understand just working and caring for a kid too - cept with me it's a 6 year old, and I work full time AND go to school almost full time as well. If I lived in RI or you lived here I'd totally hang out with you! I dont' get why people have to bail all the time like that - and you'll notice it's always the ones who don't have kids. They just don't understand. I lost a lot of friendships after having my daughter because those friends just didn't understand what it was like. :( 

    But know what? If you have the time off, don't be afraid to go off BY YOURSELF! I've done it many times now! I go shopping alone, I go to restaurants by myself, movies, etc. And I make one dang good date if I do say so myself! ;) 

    Keep your chin up! It will get easier and better over time :) 
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  • I have a friend exactly like that, and she is on the branch that is about to be pruned from the friendship tree. I tried multiple times to meet up with her and she never responded (i was pregnant at the time) so i was tired by the time she wanted to go out.

    And I hear ya on raising a baby too, she will be 16 months in June, fi though is lucky enough he found a job that he was home every night compared to his last job where he was out of town 4 nights a week like your fi.

    Sounds like the three of us would get along pretty well, too bad we are all across the US.

    Keep your chin up like ohno said, we are here for you :)
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  • I immediately checked where you were from so we could be friends! :) But, alas, we are from different states. :(

    I have a lot of friends like this, and I know it can be very difficult. Unfortunately, I am also a terrible culprit for this, and find that I myself can be a flake. One thing I'll say about being a flake, is that it is almost never personal. So, I definitely wouldn't take it as though she is doing this to you intentionally to hurt you. Though, that doesn't excuse it or make you feel better, at least know its not against you. I also don't have kids, so I'm one of those friends that doesn't understand that either.

    I work 2nd shift and live about 30 minutes from my home town where my closest friends live, so I understand the loneliness. When I am feeling really lonely and need to get out of the house, I often take a really good book and read at a park (its like hanging out with my fav book friends!) I also will go to coffee houses or the library and I have met a few new friends on that way. You could also try to get some fun coworkers or even family to go hang out with you?

    In any case, I'm sorry you are going trhough this. Keep your chin up and smile, we're all here for you :D
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  • Sunshine where do you live? I'm just outside of Milwaukee!
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  • edited May 2012
    Thanks girls, the support makes me feel so much better. I know she isn't doing it to be mean, she is just living up the single life, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I don't see this ruining our friendship or anything, I am just going through a hard time and the lonleyness is really getting to me. I know if she knew what I was going through she wouldn't act this way, I just want to be able to talk to her in person to explain how I feel. It really is too bad we don't all live close together, it seems like we would get along really well lol. 

    On the positive side, my parents offered yesterday to babysit once a week so FI and I can get out alone for a few hours, even if it is just to go to the park or take a walk together.
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  • That's awesome that your folks offered to babysit! Take advantage of the time together! :)
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