August 2012 Weddings
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54 days and MOH vent - update not good :(

I am having a small wedding. Only the MOH and best man on Aug 3rd. I am having a hard time getting my MOH to do anything regarding the wedding. She still doesn't have a dress she wants to lose some weight and order it next month which stresses me out but since they won't be gowns and alterations I guess that will be okay. What is really bothering me is if I text her about her opinion on anything rarely does she respond at all. This week I was showing her flowers, she asked me to send a pic, I did and I got nothing in return. she didn't return my text about her going dress shopping with me so I went alone and picked one out. It makes me sad. We have been best friends for years and our the best man has answered our calls within minutes of us asking him to do something and has said no problem I can do that. I just feel like I have no support. I'm not asking her to throw parties for me and my only requirement about her dress is that I have asked her to get one and it be either red or black. It would be nice if she would give me her opinion on things like the food or flowers even if it was to say that's nice. Idk maybe I'm being over sensative or I am bothering her too much about the details? I'm just getting nervous that these things aren't done and there are 54 days left..
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Re: 54 days and MOH vent - update not good :(

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    Aw! I'm sorry you are not feeling supported by your MOH. We are here if you need second (or third, fourth, fifth ;)...) opinions on stuff.

    I feel like some people don't really get what is needed from them as a member of your bridal party. They don't get how to support you when you need it. Especially when you aren't asking a whole lot.

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    Don't stress about the dress. If you only have the MOH you don't have the stress of matvhing dresses. If no alterations are needed then one day of shopping and she'll be done. I honestly don't know if my MOH has her dress. But I told her a black dress and I have full faith in her getting it. Worry about the bigger stuff and not what's out of you hands : Some people don't get into weddings pr just have 110 things going on. Sucks she's not more into the planning.
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    I'm not gonna stress about her dress I just planned the decorations and hopefully she gets something to coordinate. I'm more saddened that she is blowing off my texts completely lately. I guess I need to have some type of talk with her to make sure she even still wants to be in it. Although I'm not sure who I would replace her with since she is my best friend...
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    I haven't yet. I'm sick with a stomach bug today so I'm not feeling up to the tall today. I will probably sometime this week.
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    I'm sorry that you are feeling like this. It must be really frustratjng to feel like she doesn't care. Just remember, it is nice when bridesmaids are very enthusiastic, but no one will ever care about your wedding as much as you do. Also, have you tried talking to her lately about nonwedding stuff? She could be acting distant if she feels like that is the only thing you want to talk about. I'm not trying to make assumptions or be rude, and I know this may not be the case I'm just trying to give suggestions. Hopefully she will get her dress and show more enthusiasm as the wedding approaches!
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    Libby that did cross my mind that maybe I was talking to much about it so really I have backed off from it. I think she is going through some things and is in the process of ending her relationship which has been am ongoing process for about 6 months now if not longer. She isn't getting us involved since we are also friends w her bf. It's just a sucky time right now. Hopefully things will improve soon.
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    If she's in the middle of ending a relationship, talking about a wedding (even one she's excited for!) will probably be super hard for her. I'm sure she wants to support you, but she also has her own things going on right now.

    I would NOT ask her if she wants to step down- she might interpret that as you WANTING her to step down, and that's a friendship-ending move.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_august-2012-weddings_54-days-and-moh-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:1fb748ee-7a4e-40eb-b4b4-e553486f4cacDiscussion:a9939d15-564f-4dd2-a5d5-d487b2f2f8e9Post:aa498e20-4707-4453-bb03-cce955dd5408">Re: 54 days and MOH VENT</a>:
    [QUOTE]Aw! I'm sorry you are not feeling supported by your MOH. We are here if you need second (or third, fourth, fifth ;)...) opinions on stuff. <strong>I feel like some people don't really get what is needed from them as a member of your bridal party.</strong> They don't get how to support you when you need it. Especially when you aren't asking a whole lot.
    Posted by jenjenniferf[/QUOTE]
    Andy what exactly are the responsibilities of bridal party members?  I expect nothing from people in my bridal party.  They can wear whatever dress/shoes make-up they want, etc.  As long as they show up for the wedding I will be happy.  If I want support or advice with wedding stuff I have my fiance, my mom, and my sister.  I don't need my bridal party for that.
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    I agree that she is probably having a hard time with it. I am not planning on asking her to step down. I just don't want it to be harder for her.

    All my expectations are that if I ask her opinion on something maybe she gives me one instead of ignoring me. She is my best friend so I'd like her to be there for me ya' know. I have other people filling that role that isn't in the wedding but I am making decision about her carrying flowers and other things that regard her without her input in the matter. It's a pretty casual wedding so there are no wedding planners, cateriers, etc. It would be nice if she would come with me on my wedding day to pick up the food, and help me set stuff up which she will probably do.

    I honestly think it is a matter of personality styles with us. I am a planner. I like all the details worked out ahead of time. She tends to plan birthday parties on the fly the week of the event. There is just too much to do for me to put it off until last minute. So she is thinking she has lots of time and I am thinking I need to get these things done now so I don't have a panic attack the week of the wedding.

    I'm sure it will all work out in the end :)
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    My guess before reading halfway down was that she may have been having relationship problems herself.  It is always difficult to watch people that are in seemingly perfect relationships (you) when you are the one with a recent breakup or pondering a breakup (her).  I've been there and it's hard.  I went through the motions for those friends and tried to put my issues aside, but there is a bit of jealousy and constant thoughts about your own failing relationship.  My other thought is she's afraid to lose you to your FI if you two are super tight and do nearly everything together.

    My best advice would be to look to your mom or another close person for support that is truly excited for you.  Also, if you have any friends (even distant) getting married this year, it is GREAT to bounce ideas off of them since they are just as interested in the wedding planning process as you.  I got really close to a friend this way this year.
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    Well I am in luck that my mom is getting married in July and my other friend who is doing my photography is getting married in September which both has been good sounding posts for me. I think I will give my MOH/bestie some space right now and try to put the focus on her for a couple of weeks.

    I know she is going through a confusing time for herself right now and I don't want to stress her out more. She needs my support just as much as I need hers.
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    Update:

    I talked to my MOH. She says she wants nothing more than to help me with the wedding and that her heart is sooo happy for me but it made her realize her relationship has gone nowhere and she has been depressed about that.

    We talked about that and I decided that I will put my trust in her to get her dress and not worry about it and unless she asks what she can help with I am letting her off the hook on the details. For me the most important detail is for her to be by my side the rest is less important.
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    Glad that you were able to talk to your bestie and work things out!! :)
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    edited June 2012
    Very sad, upset and stressed today...The MOH and I have never fought in the 6 years that we have been friends.

    After we talked things out about the wedding yesterday things took a turn for the worst. A couple of other times they have drug our opinion of the situation into their arguments to make a point. I specifically told her we wanted to be left out of it because we didn't want to lose friendships when she said my FI was two-faced and voiced his opinion about her riding a Harley with her ex and it didn't match her opinion of the situation.

    Saturday she was spending time w an ex boyfriend and refused to see her bf. He ran into us and vented about their relationship because she hasn't seen him for a month. It put me in an awkward place because I see him in pain and I can't tell him what's going on because its not my business to do so.

    She text me and asked me if he was talking about her I explained yes and I tried to remove myself cuz I didn't want to be in the middle. He went to walk around and we saw him as we were leaving. He talked some more and we had to go because my kids were sick. She told him today that we said we left because he was taking to us I guess to make a point or to hurt him...Idk. I told her we didn't want to be brought up in their fights and that was unfair to use me as a dagger to hurt him to make a point and she went off and said she had been there for me through my s&*t and this is how I treat her real nice of me to do that. We haven't spoken since.

    Now I am dealing with that I have lost a friend and I don't know what to do about a MOH. I'm angry with her.
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